steal this post

Tonight I was being introspective, which I don't suggest, or even condone. As a result, I read through my old posts, and noticed a few things:


1) some old posts seemed really recent to me

2) some newer posts seemed really old to me

3) I only had faint memories of some of them. The extreme of this was being able to read 1 and 1/2 paragraphs, feeling like someone else wrote it, before I recognized a thought of mine.


These mental notes have got me questioning my abilities to mentally notate. My memories, and my "insights" are completely non-linear. What are the far-reaching implications? I'd say it's that any thought, expression or even life experience of mine doesn't reach far or implicate anything.

Any time I wanted to write in here, I thought it was worthwhile, and assumed that I was atop a 21-year+ mountain of connected conclusions and learned lessons. It is clear to me now, whether the time was "yesterday", or "last year", that my "functioning" brain simply fishes for a few feelings, sentiments and aesthetic odds and ends, and throws them together.

Hard work and discipline just don't pay off.