The untrustworthy 3

-anyone involved in piercing an infants ears
-people who knit
-policemen
-those who dress to look good for their driver's license photo
-those who take more than 5 photos at a party
-artists
-anyone who misses/advocates inferior technology(cassette tapes, floppy disks)
-black people with business cards, but no work clothes on
-managers
-assistant managers
-fellow workers
-drivers of convertibles
-anyone wearing stripes
-people who dye their hair
-anyone dressed in scrubs
-anyone with glasses and a visible pen
-caucasian primary care physicians
-honest people
-drinkers of decaf coffee
-men with neatly edged beards
-the undead

cobe's maintenance drug use guides

It is often beneficial in day-to-day life to "get a monster buzz on". It is not often beneficial, however, to "get cranked-out", "get shit-tanked", or "puke". When one feels as if the active ingredient(s) in their substance(s) of choice has(have) commited an armed burglary of their brain, they often decide to "cut back", "quit... maybe", or "knock this shit off". The results are usually not positive.

Instead, follow Cobe's the "Cobe's maintenance drug use guides". I can only speak to the drugs which I have personal experience with.

Coffee:

-In the morning, don't drink more than 3 cups in a row. You will feel nauseaus at worst, or it will be a waste at best.

-Afterwards, don't drink more than 2 in a row.

-Don't waste money on hi-qual shit except for the afternoon. You can't taste anything but phlegm and plaque in the morning anyhow.

-Pink Bubblegum kills coffee breath.

Dipping Tobacco:

-Don't tongue and pull your lip tight around your wad. It will only cause unneccesary spit.

-Don't "spit one last time" and try to get it all out before going into a place where you can't. It will only encourage more spit response.

-Dip pouches when trying to hide it. Loose stays in your teeth.

-Do 2 in a row, no more. More can cause diziness(at work)

- The best times to dip are when you are tired or when you are angry.

Drinking Alcohol:

-have 2-4 standard drinks, depending on your "need", and sit pretty.

-when you are sure the feeling starts to go away, have 2 more

-when that feeling starts to go away(it takes a while), have 1 more. At this point, you will feel like "2 more will be even better! why wouldn't it?" Well, 2 more will send you to 2 more and then blackout, or sleep.

-If you "need" to drive "buzzed"(on a rescue mission, or to claim a winning lottery ticket), freshen breath, swallow bubblegum spit. Having a hammered person in the car is a risk factor.

-at least eat something.

-Don't try to be slick and drink alot of water when you feel sick. just wait it out.

Everything:

-don't brag, asshole. Don't even share your state of mind. Just enjoy.

Re-up: humanism--a better religion than christianity

Original article found here. I will now say the same thing

To believe"Human life is intrinsically worthwhile" takes a leap of faith, that has been leapt by all of us who are alive, and not actively trying to die.

We are all having "whiles" right now. Because we are not trying to end our lives, we have deemed our whiles, worthy.

The worthwhile-ness of our human lives is intrinsic, because our human lives have already manifest, for whatever reason.

In this way, all people who facilitate and continue their lives, whether Religionist, Atheist, Nihilist, or other, are Humanist at their core.

Self-preservation is humanism. If you don't think so, go lie down on railroad tracks and wait.

cobe's romance theory of drug addiction/cobe's drug addiction theory of romance

Imagine this. You know a woman who you love to spend time with. Being with her always makes you feel good, and she's always available. You know with absolute certainty that she will be around for the rest of your life. When you are not with her, you feel longing and unhappiness. Wouldn't you fall in love?

And what good reasons would you have to stop seeing her? well...

1) The feeling of happiness when you are with her goes away

2) Though she makes you feel good, the longing and depression you feel when you are not with her is not worth it

3) She is overly demanding and taking up all of your time

4) She does something unforgivably bad to you, and she may do it again

Imagine this. You have tried a drug that you love to be on. Using it always makes you feel good, and it's always available. You know with absolute certainty that it will be around for the rest of your life. When you are not on it, you feel withdrawal and/or depression. Wouldn't you become addicted?

And what good reasons would you have to stop using it? well...

1) The feeling of happiness when you are on it goes away

2) Though it makes you feel good, the withdrawal you feel when you are not using is not worth it

3) It is taking up all of your personal time, which you would rather have

4) As a result of using it, something unforgivably bad happens, and it could happen again

I think my theories are proven in the typical failure of trying to treat drug addicts when they don't possess any of the 4 reasons to stop using, and the typical failure of trying to get a friend to end a relationship when he doesn't possess any of the 4 reasons to stop seeing the person. And honestly, those efforts should fail.

Psychonautics

There is a term- "Psychonaut", which historically refers to a person who explores their consciousness, which for many is synonymous with the use of psychedelic drugs. Less often said is how these individuals take on altered states of consciousness in many ways besides drug use too.

I am anxious to adopt this nomer and lifestyle, or I would be, except for the tendency of these individuals to embrace the "spiritual" world. With the notable exception of Aldous Huxley, possibly all notable psychonauts where open to the possibility of supernatural happenings.

It's strange, too, that someone who intentionally distorts their perceptions would read more into a psychedelic drug experience than altered brain chemistry. You may see patterns moving, or your walls swirelling while on drugs. It doesn't mean that they're moving and swireling in reality; it's just your perception. Similarly, if you have a "spiritual" feeling or experience while on drugs, it doesn't mean that there are spirits.

vehicles

If you drive a compact car, you feel like a student or a minimum wage worker, whether you are or not.

If you drive a pick-up truck, you feel like you're late for work, and work's important, whether you are or not or it is or not.

If you drive a suped-up(or "teched-out) foreign car, you're an idiot.

If you drive a van, you feel like a rapist or a venture capitalist(essentially the same thing), whether you are or not.

If you drive an SUV, you thnk you have something to protect, like a child, or human dignity

the absurdcycle

Mile one: Curiosity. Joviality. Even Acceptance. At this stage of being involved in absurd event, you may be studying it closely. You may be searching for little bits of sense and reason in it's existence. You may even FIND it. But you're still trying to put the big picture together and find purpose in it. Good luck. I mean that sarcastically.

Mile 2: Outrage. By now you realize that this is absurd. You're probably repeating to yourself "bulllll... shit!", "are you fucking kidding me?", or "I can't take this anymore" in your inner monologue. You respond to the flare up of absurdity with mean-spirited jokes. Everyone laughs, except you. When you start to say something in uprising against the absurd, you can feel that your vocal chords and mouth just don't want to do it anymore. You may turn around, and go back to where you came from.

Mile 3: Exhaustion. Now you've had it. Your very existence is painful. Things are not going according to plan. You feel like you're the victim of abuse, whether you are or not. No matter how much brainwashing you endure, you never feel clean. You would quit, or escape, but you can't muster the energy. You make a very strong conviction to suffering instead

Mile 3B: You are filled with such seething anger that you leave the room/turn off the TV/skip town. Maybe you can make it back to reason and sense... but you might just end it all instead.

Mile 4: Beating absurdity at it's own game. Ok, fuck it. Absurdity is going to yell and scream at you until you yell and scream back. Let it know you're not afraid of it anymore, and you're bigger than it. You're not; not even close, but at least you can go out swinging. Make mean-spirited jokes, and insist on their veracity with force. Don't admit for a solitary moment that you can be beaten or the stress can get to you. After all, everything; really, everything, is absurd.


past winter misfortunes

(1) I go out for a day of sledding, alone, while it's still snowing and I know no one else would be out. All I have to wear at the time is skateboard-shoes. I start heading back when my feet are numbing badly. It's snowing fiercely. What starts as knee-high snow slowly grows as high as my thighs as I trek through it. Unknown to me at the time, snow clings to corduroy pants, which I'm wearing. I start to feel cold water on each leg.

Suddenly, as I'm walking, I fall about 3 feet deeper into an unrecognized snowdrift. In a slight panic, I toss my sled aside, and try to climb out of the hole. I'm able to get mostly out, but the heel of one of my shoes doesn't want to come with me. I stay halfway out, with one leg in the hole trying to pull out the shoe with the toe of my foot. Instead, each attempt only opens up the heel of the shoe to have snow blown into it, and each successive attempt packs it down and chills my foot more. Finally I realize I have to abandon the shoe.

I climb out triumphant, with one foot only dressed in a single soaking wet sock. I hobble home like some kind of snow pirate.

(2) I wake up, with only enough time to ride my bike to school, which I do daily. There is frost on the entire lawn(a poor-mans thermometor; I estimate it's 25 degrees or so), so I suit up accordingly. 2 pairs of sock-style convienience store gloves, cloaked in leather gardening gloves. A thick woolen hat, 1 T-shirt, 1 waffle-print style long sleeve shirt, and a corduroy overshirt. corduroy pants over waffle-print "long johns", 2 pairs of thick socks and hi top basketball shoes.

Nevertheless, After climbing up the first hill on my bike, my fingers were frozen instantaneously. My exposed face... hurt. I pinched my lips together so they didn't crack or possibly bleed. As I rode, faster and faster, the chill in my wrists began to climb up my arms like someone pulled the blood out of them with a blood magnet. My toes became numb, and slowly my mid-foot in the same fashion. I finally made it to school, this being the only time I was glad to be there, and noticed that there were only 2 cars in the parking lot and class should be starting... now.

Assuming the obvious but not wanting to believe it at this very moment, I rode up to the door. "closed due to inclimate weather" is what the piece of paper hung up with sotch tape said, by an overworked janitor excited to leave. I looked at the trees. The branches were still as could be. I looked up. The sky was blue and clear. Nothing was stirring, not even an angry kid on a bmx bike. I thought of a warm house, breakfast, and daytime talk shows and took off. All of my sensations continued on the way home, with the addition of frozen ears(within my woolen hat) and drying eyes as I went down hills, feeling like Ice water was running across their surfaces.

When I got inside, I felt my hands and feet thaw out. It was like an N64 rumble-pak was malfuntioning inside of my palms, and the battery acid was boiling inside of that. I turned on the news, it still being the only thing on this early. I looked about 2 or 3 times back and forth from the time to the screen. 8:20, 8 degrees. 8. Meaning a half an hour ago it was likely 7. It took my last finger and toes and astounding hour and a half to become fully warm again.

ya'll're colorblind

They say the grass isn't greener on the other side.

Consider what you're "into". If your life is in pretty good working order, it's probably a total of about 3 or 4 things. However, that's not proof-positive, for example; I'm into 3 or 4 things and my life is absolutely not in pretty good working order.

You likely have one thing you're "into" that is supreme. If you have your priorities straight, you'd like to spend as much of your time as possible on it. That's not proof-positive, however, for example; I'd like to spend as much of my time as possible on one thing, and I absolutely do not have my priorities straight.

This thing could be drinking, writing, fucking, thinking, collecting, eating, killing people, breeding animals, using drugs, raising a "family", making music, performing, directing, choreographing, dancing, talking, speaking, learning, observing, running, walking, exercising, playing a sport, praying, begging, or career criminality.


Unfortunately for the thing, this thing is not an object, but an action or idea that needs your involvement to exist. As such, the thing is dependent on you and you are dependent on your environment.

Whichever vocation is yours is probably wilting and withering away from stagnation. You've fed it all the resources on your property, and it's worn a dirt circle around where you have it chained up. It stays in it's house and sleeps most of the day and night.

How green is the grass on the other side now?

steal this post

Tonight I was being introspective, which I don't suggest, or even condone. As a result, I read through my old posts, and noticed a few things:


1) some old posts seemed really recent to me

2) some newer posts seemed really old to me

3) I only had faint memories of some of them. The extreme of this was being able to read 1 and 1/2 paragraphs, feeling like someone else wrote it, before I recognized a thought of mine.


These mental notes have got me questioning my abilities to mentally notate. My memories, and my "insights" are completely non-linear. What are the far-reaching implications? I'd say it's that any thought, expression or even life experience of mine doesn't reach far or implicate anything.

Any time I wanted to write in here, I thought it was worthwhile, and assumed that I was atop a 21-year+ mountain of connected conclusions and learned lessons. It is clear to me now, whether the time was "yesterday", or "last year", that my "functioning" brain simply fishes for a few feelings, sentiments and aesthetic odds and ends, and throws them together.

Hard work and discipline just don't pay off.

doing things is the new black

good reasons to do something:

it's mysterious
it was in a good movie/book/song
an ill-fated idol of yours did it
everyone else is
it's dangerous
to relieve the tension
you got away with it the first/second/every time
to look cool
to start a fight
to risk your life
for attention

bad reasons to do something:

your parents did
it's what your teacher reccomended
it's responsible
to save a life
it's what's expected
you need the money
it worked well before
it's morally justified
to help those less fortunate
it says to in the directions
for physical fitness

how to be a coffee addict

Most people don't have the dedication and sheer desperation it takes to be a coffee addict. Coffee addicts are people who have realized that the only "value" they can find in life is through really, really inconsequential accomplishments. Because they literally can't apply themselves to completing a task on their own volition, they consume copious amounts of caffeine until they feel more uneasy idle than while moving.

(1) Make sure you set up the coffee at night, so all you have to do is press a damn button to fill up your ceramic. Some coffee makers have "timers" but I've never found that works quite like you imagine it would. Hearing the gurgling chug of the coffee maker doing its thing is part of the experience. Set up your coffee maker before you go to bed to brew 3 cups(usually the "6" mark on the pot).

(2) The next morning, imagine the smell and taste of coffee. Think to yourself "Coffee is my sole reason for living today". Don't stop by the mirror, you vein bastard. Don't stop by the refrigerator, you fat tub of shit and definitely don't stop by the toilet, you regular bowel-mover. Remember the coffee will take a little while to make 3 cups. Make sure the first thing you do, before putting clothes on or anything else, is push the "on", "start", or "help" button on your brewer. When the coffee is done brewing, drink it. The first cup will seem like nothing compared to the second, and the third(especially the first time) will make you nauseous. Don't worry about how you feel, worry about how the coffee would feel if you didn't drink it.

(3) Unpleasant sensations will soon give way to a lightheaded, happy energy. This may be accompanied by a feeling of superiority to people and things around you. Observe carefully as you beat friends and coworkers to the punch on various minor and unimportant problem-solving tasks. In the early afternoon, you will start to feel tired. Don't sleep! You have to stay caffeinated all day until your limbs feel alarmingly weak(more on that later). Instead of a nap or a careful reconsideration of your priorities, have 2 cups of coffee, hot or iced. You'll be back to moving and thinking way faster than your environment in a matter of minutes.

(4) It's 2-3 hours before your normal bed time, and you're having doubts, like "I feel really, really goddamn tired, maybe this coffee thing isn'-" STOP RIGHT THERE. Who are you going to trust? Yourself, who's been on the planet 10-110 miserable years, or coffee, which has had 1200 years of colorful history and experience? In all honesty, you ought to be ashamed of yourself for denying coffee free passage into your digestive system only because of the time of day or sensations in your chest. Brew some more coffee, 3 cups just to be safe, and stare at the slowly filling pot apolegtically, even if you're not sorry. When finished, enjoy. Pay no mind to tears welling in your eyes; another cup will put an end to that. Notice how pleasantly alert your mind is until bed time. You'll know it's time to go to sleep only when it's really hard to lift your arms or walk around without feeling faint. Repeat step 1, and get 4-5 hours of caffeiene influenced sleep.

CONGRATULATIONS!
You've consumed about 1 and 1/3 pots of coffee, and I bet you feel SLIGHTLY BETTER. You may notice after a few days that your consumption must increase slightly. Very few people get over the 2 pot limit, so just go with it and if you do get over the 2 pot limit, brag. Enjoy the everlasting effects of unwelcome energy.

call it fall

When autumn falls, I like to call it fall. I like to call it fall cause all in all that's what it is. The leaves swim to the streets and stain them, paint them, until they're a muddy mush. Look up and see the trees naked, standing proud like mannequins. They may feel shy but they're managing. The sky is alive when it's a blue corpse and looks like death's arrival when it's shiny gray. If I'm in your way, I'll step aside. Just tell the lawn I said he looks good in orange.

coffee

After half a cup, you'll feel your eyes opening and a pleasant amount of sweat beading on your forehead. After the rest, and half of another, the aches in your neck and head will disappear, and your ears will start honing in on sounds you never knew were there. After completion of the third cup, the world will appear like a puzzle, and your eyes will be able to easily manipulate the pieces from a rooms length. After drinking a 4th cup, you will feel uneasy sitting still. You will stare at one focal point, but only pay mind to your peripheral field. You will start to feel nauseated, and realize the only way to stop the nervous energy is to do something. You've just drank 4 cups of coffee.

something's wrong

Man A is a family man. He makes sure to have supper with his family at 8 o'clock sharp every day. Except this most recent day, when he arrives home to find his son asleep in bed, no supper ready, and his wife reading. He demands to know what's going on, and his wife explains that they went to the park earlier and the boy got exhausted from playing. She made him a light meal and let him go to bed. Man A becomes infuriated, and wakes his son up from sleeping to eat dinner. He demands that his wife make supper, or he'll give the dog away. She does, and throughout cooking he insults her in front of their son. When it's ready, the boy says that he's not hungry. Man A takes him on one knee and spanks him. Then he eats, while crying.

Man A has committed no crime.

Man B is a family man. He makes sure to have supper with his family at 8 o'clock sharp every day. Except this most recent day, when he arrives home to find his son asleep in bed, no supper ready, and his wife reading. He demands to know what's going on, and his wife explains that they went to the park earlier and the boy got exhausted from playing. She made him a light meal and let him go to bed. Man B is a little upset, but says "ok" and then, knowing his son is asleep, retrieves a large bong and becomes intoxicated on cannabis.

Man B has committed a crime.

Re: the open conpsiracy

original post can be read here.

The politician says:

"George Bush lied to get us into war...

but the ends justify the me-" WRONG

so vote for me and-" WRONG

but now we can't lose so-" WRONG

and that war is costing us lots of mon-" WRONG AGAIN

so let's send a message of ho-" REALLY WRONG

but I won't stop voting on bills to send fu-" WTF?

but defeat is not an op-" AHHHHHHHHHHHH!

so let's gather evidence, build a case, and apprehend him for war crimes. Then we'll work with neighboring nations on a way to stabalize the area, apologize for US involvement, and pay reperations to rebuild" CORRECT

Dine and Ditch

Prudence was a woman with diverse skills and an open mind. That’s why she could never seem to get what she wanted. Her best friend was Curiosity, and together, at a bar that was curiosity’s favorite, they met Adventure. Adventure took them around town, and introduced them to many more friends. No friend of adventures was quite as interesting as her, though. Adventure was always fun, but sometimes really hard to track down. On the occasions that Adventure called, she was very demanding. Prudence continued searching for friends. Curiosity kept trying to develop closer ties with Adventure.

All Prudence knew is that she wasn’t satisfied. Then she met Comfort. Comfort was very warm, happy, and forgiving. Prudence and Comfort spent all their time together. Curiosity couldn’t stand her, and kept calling Adventure, but Adventure would ask what Curiosity had in mind to do. Curiosity would tell her, but Adventure didn’t think she’d enjoy it very much. Then Curiosity was struck with an idea. Maybe Adventure would find it interesting to meet Comfort.

Prudence, Curiosity, Comfort and Adventure all met for a night out. It started off well enough at the restaurant, but after a few drinks Adventure was clearly making jokes at Comfort’s expense. Curiosity was first trying to hold her laughter, then openly laughing, then teasing Comfort as well. Comfort wasn’t too upset, probably having dealt with these types of people before, but Prudence was.

At the end of a very surreal evening, Adventure came up with the idea to run out on the check. Prudence loudly objected, and Comfort didn’t speak. Curiosity was upset with Comfort’s influence on Prudence, and called her a coward. Prudence announced that she didn’t think they’d really do it. Adventure told them that she and Curiosity certainly will, so they might as well, too. When the Hostess, Oblivion, walked away from her podium, Adventure and Curiosity left quickly and abandoned Prudence and Comfort with the check. Prudence and Curiosity never spoke again. They had new friends now.

a cat to copy

I fear mediocrity strongly. I always have, since I was a child. I don't know where it came from. When I consider it completely objectively- It's not so bad. But my "feelings" and my "intuitions" a.k.a. absolutely nothing bite at my belly and tell me to do everything I can to avoid it.

So I must be unique. I must be eccentric. I must be worth reading about. Because I feel this way, I have never considered just how imitative I really am. It's well-known and recognized that children learn basic mannerisms and modes of functioning from their parents. Afterward, it's not so well-known and recognized that adults continue the same imitation- just not of their parents.

I am essentially imitating a few dozen people I admire, hoping that through copying their work habits, life choices and even inconsequential food and drug choices that they'll rub off on me and I will morph into a unique new figure.

There's nothing wrong with this initially, but in my psyche it's joined with stubbornness. When I try to copy a hero in some way; if I'm either incapable, or receive no benefit from it, I will try to stick with it until it works. But sometimes, it just won't work for me.

So now I vow to imitate only one thing, this Bruce Lee Quote:

"Use only that which works, and take it from any place you can find it."

drinking for friends

I started a new job only a few weeks before I decided to stop drinking for a while. Within those few weeks, I was asked by more than one person if I smoked pot or drank alcohol. When I told them I drank, they’d ask what, when or where. This is clearly a move to become friendly outside of work- which is good.

The opportunity to materialize that finally came when I don’t have serious urges to drink. It’s not too awful to say “I’m laying off for a while”, so that’s what I’ll do, but it got me remembering…

Before I had ever had a drink, I typically bounded this gauntlet of questions:

STRANGE YOUTH: Do you smoke… you know… pot?
COBE S NEVER FAILS TO IMPRESS: No.
SY: Cigarettes?
CSNFTI: No.
SY: Do you drink?
CSNFTI: No.
SY: Have you ever done any of those things?
CSNFTI: Nah
SY: Would you ever want to?
CSNFTI: I don’t think so.

Then the Strange youth would stare at me like I was an animal in a zoo, and follow up with:

SY: Wow. Well. Do you go to school?
CSNFTI: No.
SY: Are you going to?
CSNFTI: I don’t think so.

Having exhausted all the possibilities in their mind of what a young man’s activities could ever be, They would either never talk to me about my life again, talk about me like I’m scary, assume I’m religious(unless they ask me) or talk about me like I’ve “got my shit together”(meaning absolutely nothing, fyi).

I’m glad I can at least say “I used to drink heavily” to grease the wheels, even if I don’t currently. Socialization is ridiculous.

day 4, part 2

My only lasting physical discomfort on this 4th day sober is that my eyes are quite dry, and the corner of one of them feels achy. I can’t be sure, particularly when it’s such a minor thing, what is causing the sensation. Physical discomfort is possible without any silly reasoning.

born-again sucker

Speaking of silly reasoning, what upsets me most about my long period of daily drinking is not the drinking itself, which seemed to add up only to negligible physical/emotional damage, but how I believed in certain bullshit to keep up my compulsion. Being a user or an abuser of a drug is shameless, as long as you’re not hurting anyone but yourself. However, I think there’s plenty of shame in being a sucker.

My original reasoning for not indulging in any recreational drugs was pretty monochrome. It was essentially that the human brain has a way of working emotional issues out, and coming out on top, with healthy coping mechanisms and a positive disposition, and heavy drug use will interfere with that process. Well, as you may have been able to tell from the muscle twitches you had while reading that, alot of it is presumptuous and how shall we say, not true.

I'm an all or nothing kind of person. So when this reasoning started to fall apart in my mind, I simply thought "which drug is for me?". Alcohol seemed a very natural choice, but only because of more bad reasoning. Well, now I’m skeptical of everything but the kitchen sink, and I realize that there’s bullshit all over the question “To drink, or not to drink”.

Modern Drunkard Magazine is a magazine that most people can’t believe exists- and it didn’t, until fairly recently. It does not preach moderation of any sort like other drinking-related magazines might. It is really made for drunkards- and as such, never questions the greatness of alcohol and drinking. Well, they certainly have some –true- things to say that you won’t hear from MADD or your public high school(though you might see those things in your biology teachers thermos).

For everything that’s commendable about that, they also have some pretty shitty reasoning. Every time the question of alcohol’s effect on personality comes up, they mention a fairly short list of lovable and famous drinkers. This reasoning falls flat because they leave out the list of winos and barflies who are nobodies, and sober people who have left a huge mark in history.

I used to buy this nonsense. I’m glad that I proved to myself that drinking, and other recreational drug-use, is not bad by default. But that doesn’t mean that it's good by default either. All I did was temporarily trade in one bit of bullshit for another. And whether I drink or not after drying out, What's most important to me now is not being manipulated by my feelings or chemical dependencies but by my reasoning.

boredom

I realize I may have been a bit preoccupied with the physical sensations of withdrawal and neglected the mental ones. In that respect, withdrawal is no different than the rest of life for me.

I talked about how it was hard to think. That lasted about 2 days. When I talked, it would come out, out, you know, umm, it came out kind of like this. Every time. Small daily problem solving was difficult. Now that’s gone and I feel pretty sharp.

The other thing that happened is extreme boredom. Not just “I’ve run out of things to do” boredom; A double scoop of boredom, sprinkled with indecisiveness and lethargy, with the sneaking suspicion that anything I’d do wouldn’t yield happiness anyhow on top.

Actually, boredom is still there, but it always was. I’m now remembering some of my initial reasons for avoiding the crazy water, or any other hard drug, until I was 20. One of the reasons was that when a person gets bored, as they typically do, that they should strive to do something fun or adventurous instead of just getting inebriated.

There are 2 excellent exceptions to take with this reasoning: 1)my life’s plans involve being bored in school/work, so during that time, why shouldn’t I make it easier on myself, and 2) being inebriated is fun and adventurous.

These are excellent reasons to use recreational drugs, but the problems arise when these good reasons fade into simple compulsion. If you drink to make school or work passable, then just do it then. If you drink because it’s fun and adventurous, be weary of when it’s not fun and adventurous anymore- but just a habit.

let the elderly get plastered

I've been thinking about this quote:

"A man is a fool is he drinks before he reaches the age of 50, and a fool
if he doesn't afterward." - Frank LLoyd Wright

This sentiment, coupled with the fact that Aldous Huxley was injected with LSD on his death bed, makes me reconsider recreational drug use and age. Question:

Man A is just now full-grown. He keeps himself busy, and doesn’t use drugs for recreation. He reads, He might exercise, he could write, or otherwise learns a trade or hobby that sustains him and his life. He thinks deliberately and carefully about what's important to him in life. When he contracts arthritis and diabetes later in life, he has a completely fresh brain and liver to effect with all types of intoxicants, as well as plenty of saved money to spend on it. He goes out in a painless, intoxicated stupor.

Man B starts using drugs daily, early in life, sometimes to the point of complete oblivion. He is constantly spending his disposable income on it. Later in life, he starts having health problems and dependency issues as a result. He detoxes just in time to soberly enjoy incontinence, failing eyesight and hearing, and possible dementia.

Which sounds like a better life to you?

day 4

I went to sleep last night expecting to catch a fever during sleep, so I wore my clothes to bed and 3 blankets to try to break it. It either worked or I never had a fever and I was hot; either way I woke up uncomfortably sweaty. I slept the rest of the night feeling a pain in my neck when I woke up, but that's all. I have a headache now that I can only feel when I cough or try to spit- sinus pressure.

day 3, part 2

After some Tylenol, a hot shower and a 4 hour nap- I’m feeling better. Also coffee and cheap mini cigars help ease cravings and headaches. My sore throat doesn’t seem to be getting worse or better. I use a numbing spray when it’s bothersome. I didn’t have much appetite today, until the evening, and now I’m pretty hungry.

Unless I fall off the wagon and fall in a vat of rum(not a bad fate, all things considered), I’ll keep this up, because if the withdrawal is going exactly according to schedule, it won't be that hard from now on.


day 3

Now I'm pretty certain that I have an infection- but it could be caused by abstaining from alcohol. This is pretty dodgy "science"; but here's my idea. The last night I drank(wednesday), I drank alot. Alcohol in huge amounts can weaken one's immune system. After that night, I quit cold turkey, and therefore stopped taking shots of alcohol- a disinfectant.

Because of this, my throat is very sore, and I feel like there's a lump in it. I'm still having feverish feelings and aches and pains. Another thing to consider is coffee withdrawal. I haven't been drinking my usual 3-5 cups daily, and this morning I had the nerve to actually put off consuming it at all. but my head felt exactly like it did before When I quit drinking coffee.

So now I'm juggling possible alcohol withdrawal, caffeine withdrawal and being sick anyhow. I can't really be certain which one is causing which symptoms. But I feel like shit.

day 2, part 2

I didn't know this was going to be so uncomfortable. My scalp feels sore- like it's been working out. but it hasn't, cause it doesn't have a cardiovascular system. My feverish feelings increased, and I took 2 high-strength tylenols. Now I have continuing aches in my shoulder blades, and various muscles in my body are twitching- like what happens when you sleep 2 hours instead of 9 in a night.

thoughts are not connecting very effectively. I owed my father some money, and I kept trying to budget a way to drive 500 miles away to pay him until my friend suggested "send a check in the mail". I was flabergasted by having not thought of that. I'm staring at things- alot, and then not remembering what I was thinking about.

they say the 2nd and 3rd day is the worst, with a feeling of normalcy creeping in 10-30 days later. We'll see.

day 2

I really can't say whether I'm withdrawaling from alcohol or I'm coincidentally becoming sick. Since I'm not very often sick, and this is one of the longer stretches of not drinking I've had since starting in earnest, I'm inclined to think it's withdrawal.

Firstly, I can smell better. This is a bad thing when using the toilet, and a good thing very rarely. Second, I crave coffee and mini-cigars. It's not by chance that AA meetings are stuffed with coffee, fatty foods and cigarette smokers. They need something. Finally, after 2 days, I'm feeling feverish and getting headaches.

It crosses my mind to drink, but I'm just about on my last dollar. I have to set the precedent now- that my priorities are to create the right conditions to drink in, rather than letting drinking set the conditions for itself.

Being a wino isn't all that bad- and having that to fall back on does give me comfort. But at the same time, I like to know that I'll continue to have a warm place to drink in.

Sorry so serious,
cobe.

day 1

I'm quitting drinking for an indeterminate length of time. Why, you didn't ask? :

1) I'm listening to a song on a recently acquired album, and note that all dozen times I've heard this song I haven't been sober

2) I plan on writing something... but black out, and wake up the next morning, to hear I did nothing but play with a cat

3) It's 5PM. I head out(walking!) for an evening of drinking, already drunk, but rip my pants. I start heading home... but black out, and wake up on the sofa at 10PM

4) The paneling along the doorway to my house is cracked. My keys are on the floor 3 feet inside. I don't remember.

5) I try to feed a pet snake a live rat. He doesn't eat it, and I have to remove it, but I've gotten intoxicated between then and now and am afraid the rat will outwit me.

6) I drink bottom shelf Triple Sec, straight. ... That's all

7) I'm too drunk to fuck at 1PM.

8) I convince a Jamaican guy to take a shot of jameson with me at a bar. He winces like he's going to puke, and I laugh. (actually, that was awesome)

++++Post Script: not really exaggerated++++