This is the 214th post on this blog, and I am now taking an extended leave(anywhere from several days to months)
I'm not one for traditionalism, but I am one for skepticism. The new trends in social networking software, including blogs, is that people are deserving of attention without doing anything out of the ordinary.
For example. I write a blog post, follow up with updating my facebook status to "is feeling manic", and change the picture I choose to represent myself. For those who are interested in me: friends, I have slightly altered how the feel about me for the moment.
I certainly desire praise and admiration, but facebook/twitter/blogs seem like an altogether too easy way to get it. I'm not taking time off from it because I'm way too cool to receive attention, much the opposite. I'm taking time off because when I receive attention, I want it to be for something substantial.
That said, I'll be back when I have new music/new shows/new writing that's good. If you want to know about anything else, call me.
cobe
It's a cliche to hear something like "back in those days, I thought I was invincible. Yep, back in my 20's. Then it all caught up with me". Careful not to have anything catch up with me, I was also careful not to give in to feeling invincible. And I don't, at least compared to the average young adult.
But in the past few weeks, much like hunger pangs, I've been hit with power pangs. For 1-30 minutes I will feel strong as a damn ox and sharp as a damn tack, with no hangover or moment of reprisal afterwards. On some level, it's true.
These feelings coincided with the idea of being a drifter. I've already moved to one city for no particular reason looking for nothing in particular, so the choice presents itself: figure it was a wierd type of vacation, or do it again for no particular reason. When I discussed this with others, I was a bit surprised by their envious faces. Some even said "I wish I could do that".
The question is obvious- why couldn't they do that? Well, they could, but they won't, and I think that is the line I can draw between the youth populous at large and me. Like a person with a family, they feel tied down to whatever they've created/started where they are. I have certainly felt that way, but I was lucky enough not to feel guilty/lazy enough to be bound by it. The idea that I can go wherever I can get to, get a low-paying job, and be in just as good a situation as I was before, and possibly a better one, is liberating on many levels.
I think the power-pangs are the result of feeling like everything in my life is lining up. The smallest, most wasteful action I take is a piece of something larger. Whether it is or not is an unanswered question, but the fact that I can feel like all my false starts are a bridge makes everything seem worthwhile.
You can always tell how valid your feelings are by how weird the song-lyric is that reminds you of it. The wierder and more obscure the song, the more valid the feeling. So in the words of emcee "beans":
I did it cause you didn't.
But in the past few weeks, much like hunger pangs, I've been hit with power pangs. For 1-30 minutes I will feel strong as a damn ox and sharp as a damn tack, with no hangover or moment of reprisal afterwards. On some level, it's true.
These feelings coincided with the idea of being a drifter. I've already moved to one city for no particular reason looking for nothing in particular, so the choice presents itself: figure it was a wierd type of vacation, or do it again for no particular reason. When I discussed this with others, I was a bit surprised by their envious faces. Some even said "I wish I could do that".
The question is obvious- why couldn't they do that? Well, they could, but they won't, and I think that is the line I can draw between the youth populous at large and me. Like a person with a family, they feel tied down to whatever they've created/started where they are. I have certainly felt that way, but I was lucky enough not to feel guilty/lazy enough to be bound by it. The idea that I can go wherever I can get to, get a low-paying job, and be in just as good a situation as I was before, and possibly a better one, is liberating on many levels.
I think the power-pangs are the result of feeling like everything in my life is lining up. The smallest, most wasteful action I take is a piece of something larger. Whether it is or not is an unanswered question, but the fact that I can feel like all my false starts are a bridge makes everything seem worthwhile.
You can always tell how valid your feelings are by how weird the song-lyric is that reminds you of it. The wierder and more obscure the song, the more valid the feeling. So in the words of emcee "beans":
I did it cause you didn't.
things that don't work
There are way too many things that don't work to list them all in a single blog post. Perhaps an ongoing, never-ending blog could get closer and closer, in the sense of figuring out pi to more decimal places gets "closer and closer".
A service I can do for you is to at least offer the things that don't work that are close to my heart. The things that don't work that I hold onto for dear life, against my better judgment and all objectivity, hoping that one day they will indeed "start working" if I try harder at making them not work.
-the "loaded up day"
Have an epic amount of menial shit to take care of? How about just planning to do it all tomorrow/a day off? Lots of reasons. Though it's very attractive to think that will be the day everything gets settled and you can get drunk with a clear conscience several moments later, I know through repeated error and error that it doesn't work. It's encouraging on the day you think of it because you can put it off longer, but it's extremely discouraging to wake up to a list that contains a day's worth of boring obligations. So at best you will begin on the first thing, rush the work, and become too upset to do anything thereafter.
-being social
Socialization just occurs. Even for border-borderline schizoid individuals like me, sometimes between periods of socialization, lonliness is felt. The right reaction is "time to watch kids in the hall". The wrong reaction is "I better put myself 'out there'"(whatever that means). Friends made out of emotional neccessity are not real friends. They are mildly amusing characters who you won't want hanging around asking you "how you've been". Wait it out, and the right people will be drawn to you and you to them. People that make an effort to make friends always end up getting fucked over(or bothered) by people they find out are strangers.
-technology will take care of it
Though "communication" has increased with the advent of the internet and cell phones, and I realize how helpful it is sometimes, it can't replace actually popping over(within a half hour) and being face to face. Our great-ape biology has not caught up with the internet, and won't. The difference between sending facebook messages and actually being in the same place as a friend is like the difference between masturbating to porno and having sex. This applies to non-social things as well. You can do all the wikipedia research you want on a city and still have no clue what it's like till you go there.
-getting a thing that makes money
Unfortunately, in any case besides counterfeiting money, this is untrue. Any investment you make will take time and effort to get a return on. Let's say you buy 100 dollars worth of drugs to sell for 200 dollars and make 100 dollars profit. Well, if it takes you more than 18 hours to aquire and sell the drugs, you're already working for less than minimum wage with no other expenses calculated. There sadly just isn't a thing that generates profit while you watch the upright citizens brigade... until I invent it.
A service I can do for you is to at least offer the things that don't work that are close to my heart. The things that don't work that I hold onto for dear life, against my better judgment and all objectivity, hoping that one day they will indeed "start working" if I try harder at making them not work.
-the "loaded up day"
Have an epic amount of menial shit to take care of? How about just planning to do it all tomorrow/a day off? Lots of reasons. Though it's very attractive to think that will be the day everything gets settled and you can get drunk with a clear conscience several moments later, I know through repeated error and error that it doesn't work. It's encouraging on the day you think of it because you can put it off longer, but it's extremely discouraging to wake up to a list that contains a day's worth of boring obligations. So at best you will begin on the first thing, rush the work, and become too upset to do anything thereafter.
-being social
Socialization just occurs. Even for border-borderline schizoid individuals like me, sometimes between periods of socialization, lonliness is felt. The right reaction is "time to watch kids in the hall". The wrong reaction is "I better put myself 'out there'"(whatever that means). Friends made out of emotional neccessity are not real friends. They are mildly amusing characters who you won't want hanging around asking you "how you've been". Wait it out, and the right people will be drawn to you and you to them. People that make an effort to make friends always end up getting fucked over(or bothered) by people they find out are strangers.
-technology will take care of it
Though "communication" has increased with the advent of the internet and cell phones, and I realize how helpful it is sometimes, it can't replace actually popping over(within a half hour) and being face to face. Our great-ape biology has not caught up with the internet, and won't. The difference between sending facebook messages and actually being in the same place as a friend is like the difference between masturbating to porno and having sex. This applies to non-social things as well. You can do all the wikipedia research you want on a city and still have no clue what it's like till you go there.
-getting a thing that makes money
Unfortunately, in any case besides counterfeiting money, this is untrue. Any investment you make will take time and effort to get a return on. Let's say you buy 100 dollars worth of drugs to sell for 200 dollars and make 100 dollars profit. Well, if it takes you more than 18 hours to aquire and sell the drugs, you're already working for less than minimum wage with no other expenses calculated. There sadly just isn't a thing that generates profit while you watch the upright citizens brigade... until I invent it.
slightly cleaned slate
I woke up a little confused, on a friends couch, not remembering some of last night. I had a neuron-shattering headache. There was an empty fifth of $10 bourbon on the kitchen counter, a 1/4 full drink and a half-eaten bag of popcorn on the table next to me. I felt like a new man.
I've overcome physical withdrawal, simple compulsion and social pressures to drink. I feel fine sober, and not like I am missing anything. But the one thing that keeps me coming back to the crazy water is the incredible clarity that follows a binge.
That's why I don't support moderation. I've tried it, having exactly 3 drinks a day just to "keep things together". It didn't work. I would wait, ridiculously, until my silly few drinks of the day, wish I had more, and repeat. I've tried sobriety. But lifes obligations have a way of piling up. The more they pile up, the more overwhelmed and unhappy I get, and the less I do them. Unless...
I get to take some time off. I'm not talking about reading a book, watching a movie or taking a nap. That time is most certainly time ON. I'm talking about higher-brain shut off, bodily functions barely still in check, thinking I'm the apex of human advancement while I feel the room spin down and to the left. That is a real vacation, it's a real break.
I used to think I didn't get hangovers, but recently I've noticed that I just ignore them, because the catharsis overwhelms most any physical discomfort. I have been calmed, reassured. I don't have any awkward time lying alone in a cold bed feeling wide-awake, because I didn't even remember going to bed, and if I did, I was wrapped in a 2.0 B.A.C. blanket.
I've overcome physical withdrawal, simple compulsion and social pressures to drink. I feel fine sober, and not like I am missing anything. But the one thing that keeps me coming back to the crazy water is the incredible clarity that follows a binge.
That's why I don't support moderation. I've tried it, having exactly 3 drinks a day just to "keep things together". It didn't work. I would wait, ridiculously, until my silly few drinks of the day, wish I had more, and repeat. I've tried sobriety. But lifes obligations have a way of piling up. The more they pile up, the more overwhelmed and unhappy I get, and the less I do them. Unless...
I get to take some time off. I'm not talking about reading a book, watching a movie or taking a nap. That time is most certainly time ON. I'm talking about higher-brain shut off, bodily functions barely still in check, thinking I'm the apex of human advancement while I feel the room spin down and to the left. That is a real vacation, it's a real break.
I used to think I didn't get hangovers, but recently I've noticed that I just ignore them, because the catharsis overwhelms most any physical discomfort. I have been calmed, reassured. I don't have any awkward time lying alone in a cold bed feeling wide-awake, because I didn't even remember going to bed, and if I did, I was wrapped in a 2.0 B.A.C. blanket.
I don't play in a league
So there's a young woman who came into my place of employment today. I found out she's a co-worker, although I'd never seen her before. That's because she works 1 shift a week, at a time when I've incidentally never had to work. So we were introduced as a basic custom, and I had no reason not to like her. Oh yeah, and she was fucking gorgeous.
So, immediately after she left, I asked another male co-worker if she was exclusively committed to anyone sexually(not in those words) and his response was "YOU'RE gonna try to go out with HER?". After he saw I took offense to his level of surprise, he kept quiet. Though I felt personally slighted, it just reminded me of a huge difference between me and seemingly the rest of the world save 2 friends of mine.
I don't want to echo the cliches "what have you got to lose?" "better to try than go through life thinking what could've been" and even "just be yourself". But I think I have to. You have nothing to lose, it's better to try than go through life thinking what could've been, and just be yourself. I have to repeat it because it's true on all counts.
So imagine this. I ask this girl out on a date(pending I find out she's single, which I didn't find out). The worst case scenario in most peoples minds is "she says no". Well, so the fuck what? She is reassured she's hot shit, I have reassured her I'm confident in myself, and I'm at the exact same place I was before doing it. And best case, she's awesome and I get to indulge in carnal pleasures with her.
Though not explicitly said, it was clear that my simple-minded coworker believed in "leagues". That is, that she, being really hot and pleasant to speak to, was in a better "league" than me, a person who typically has stubble from being too lazy to shave and won't speak except to express luciferian ambitions. Well, needless to say, I don't believe in that bullshit, and I wouldn't want to be involved with anyone who does. So again, there is a staggeringly low amount to "lose". If she is like me, then I could hit a grand slam, and if she does indeed think she's too good for me, I'm at an even better place then I was because I know we wouldn't get along, rather than wondering what pleasures could have been had.
It coincided with something I heard a week before. That was that you shouldn't pick a partner that is worse or even equal to your last one. The speaker added "why take a step backwards? fuck that shit!". I couldn't have said it better. People who play in their own "leagues" are really doing themselves and others a disservice. Not only are you settling for less, but it leaves you tied down to less, bound by less.
All because you're afraid of rejection? Who could care? You're rejected by every light that turns red while you drive and every popcorn kernel that just doesn't pop in a bag. It doesn't mean you don't drive and don't eat popcorn.
So, immediately after she left, I asked another male co-worker if she was exclusively committed to anyone sexually(not in those words) and his response was "YOU'RE gonna try to go out with HER?". After he saw I took offense to his level of surprise, he kept quiet. Though I felt personally slighted, it just reminded me of a huge difference between me and seemingly the rest of the world save 2 friends of mine.
I don't want to echo the cliches "what have you got to lose?" "better to try than go through life thinking what could've been" and even "just be yourself". But I think I have to. You have nothing to lose, it's better to try than go through life thinking what could've been, and just be yourself. I have to repeat it because it's true on all counts.
So imagine this. I ask this girl out on a date(pending I find out she's single, which I didn't find out). The worst case scenario in most peoples minds is "she says no". Well, so the fuck what? She is reassured she's hot shit, I have reassured her I'm confident in myself, and I'm at the exact same place I was before doing it. And best case, she's awesome and I get to indulge in carnal pleasures with her.
Though not explicitly said, it was clear that my simple-minded coworker believed in "leagues". That is, that she, being really hot and pleasant to speak to, was in a better "league" than me, a person who typically has stubble from being too lazy to shave and won't speak except to express luciferian ambitions. Well, needless to say, I don't believe in that bullshit, and I wouldn't want to be involved with anyone who does. So again, there is a staggeringly low amount to "lose". If she is like me, then I could hit a grand slam, and if she does indeed think she's too good for me, I'm at an even better place then I was because I know we wouldn't get along, rather than wondering what pleasures could have been had.
It coincided with something I heard a week before. That was that you shouldn't pick a partner that is worse or even equal to your last one. The speaker added "why take a step backwards? fuck that shit!". I couldn't have said it better. People who play in their own "leagues" are really doing themselves and others a disservice. Not only are you settling for less, but it leaves you tied down to less, bound by less.
All because you're afraid of rejection? Who could care? You're rejected by every light that turns red while you drive and every popcorn kernel that just doesn't pop in a bag. It doesn't mean you don't drive and don't eat popcorn.
on point
"On point" might be my favorite positive descriptor for someone. I've used it to describe myself, and now 2 groups of people in 2 different cities have used it to describe me as well, which is flattering.
Being on point is a very specific thing. It means you are aware as you can be of what's going on, and what's about to happen. However, it doesn't mean you aren't also daydreaming. You couldn't be driving your car and only thinking "I'm operating heavy machinery. I'm driving. Watch for dangers. I'm operating heavy machinery..." or you'd lose your mind, and be very much not on point thereafter.
There is a type of person that is completely absorbed in what they're doing, but that's not the same thing. They typically lose perspective. Because if you're concentrating on drying laundry, you'll become very upset when your clothes come out still wet. When things are emotionalized as such, that person who was once on point is now just melodramatic.
There is also the "space case" oriented individual, who isn't easily upset by the material world, but is also not competent. It's nice to be in your own world all the time, but if the outside world is neglected too often/much then it tends to disrupt your dream world very aggressively, and could sometimes be dangerous.
Being on point is not a middleground, but being both extremes essentially at the same time. Not only is the person giving their whole effort into what they're doing, but they are remembing the big picture at the same time, so they are not over-stressed.
An easy way to classify someone in a group is to see what happens when they make a mistake. The melodramatic person will become extremely upset, the space case will not notice, and the person who fixes it with ease is on point.
____
Interesting aside: to go to sleep, I typically try to see how many thoughts/processes of a different nature I can juggle simultaneously. I'll start counting or reciting the alphabet, while dreaming of a beautiful landscape and imaging colored shapes. Any 3 things can be juggled. I can't do more than that without becoming self-aware, but I speculate that it's good practice to be on point and at the same time, It puts me out like a light.
Being on point is a very specific thing. It means you are aware as you can be of what's going on, and what's about to happen. However, it doesn't mean you aren't also daydreaming. You couldn't be driving your car and only thinking "I'm operating heavy machinery. I'm driving. Watch for dangers. I'm operating heavy machinery..." or you'd lose your mind, and be very much not on point thereafter.
There is a type of person that is completely absorbed in what they're doing, but that's not the same thing. They typically lose perspective. Because if you're concentrating on drying laundry, you'll become very upset when your clothes come out still wet. When things are emotionalized as such, that person who was once on point is now just melodramatic.
There is also the "space case" oriented individual, who isn't easily upset by the material world, but is also not competent. It's nice to be in your own world all the time, but if the outside world is neglected too often/much then it tends to disrupt your dream world very aggressively, and could sometimes be dangerous.
Being on point is not a middleground, but being both extremes essentially at the same time. Not only is the person giving their whole effort into what they're doing, but they are remembing the big picture at the same time, so they are not over-stressed.
An easy way to classify someone in a group is to see what happens when they make a mistake. The melodramatic person will become extremely upset, the space case will not notice, and the person who fixes it with ease is on point.
____
Interesting aside: to go to sleep, I typically try to see how many thoughts/processes of a different nature I can juggle simultaneously. I'll start counting or reciting the alphabet, while dreaming of a beautiful landscape and imaging colored shapes. Any 3 things can be juggled. I can't do more than that without becoming self-aware, but I speculate that it's good practice to be on point and at the same time, It puts me out like a light.
Love: The Bringer of War
"There's never been a good war, or a bad peace".
Love is war, and without it I am at peace. The very nature of a relationship is conflict, without conflict there is just cohabitating people gratifying their sexual urges. I only realized this when I was cohabitating with a woman, gratifying her sexual urges, and she would let me know that we're not in a relationship yet. So what change could possibly happen to turn the relationship "on" from just playing around? Exclusive sexuality?
And there arises the conflict in most, the exclusive nature. It is truly violent to try to keep a person for yourself. If I knew a talented musician, but insisted he only play his music for me, and became angered when he played for someone else, I would be at best jealous and at worst abusive. What then is not abusive about not allowing a human being from having sex with someone else?
That sparked my interest in polyamory. The idea behind polyamory is that someones sexuality is their own, and they could give it to more than one person if they pleased. Some agreements go further to be "closed" to anyone outside of the initial grouping. I tried it, and found it preferable to the traditional coupling mentality. But the enemy of my enemy is not my friend, and it presented many problems itself. Jealousy is what comes to most peoples mind, but that passes fairly quickly. Afterwards, there is all kinds of other unpleasantness. There is a competitiveness. Either I feel inadequate, or I feel superior to my partners partner. In either case, I am harboring negative feeling towards a person I think should be afforded the same freedoms and pleasures I am.
There is hate for your fellow man deep within every utterance of "I love you". I love my family, but I don't tell them on a regular basis, I don't feel the need to after doing it the first time. Unless I don't anymore, I have enough good will to assume they know, and unless something extraordinary happens like they feel incredibly low, I don't say it again. When romantic partners say "I love you" to eachother, I wonder why they think they have to say it. There is unease. "I love you" is in a sense passive aggressive. The person must say it back, and the first person to say it in a series has always won that particular power struggle.
And the power struggle permeates elsewhere. Both partners may assure the person they're with they'd rather be with them than any other person, but after being dumped a few times, a person realizes people are only as truthful as their options. It may be true at the time, but desires and appetites change sometimes as often as the seasons, and when one person wants to still be with someone, but the object of affection fancies someone else, It can't help but cross the "dumped" parties mind that they are inferior to the next in line.
I do not say this to reiterate "love can hurt one's feelings", which is apparent. Instead, it's that love itself is a fight. That's why the nonsense of a "mutual breakup" exists. And the sense of "it's never mutual" also exists. After each relationship, someone had a victory. Firstly it's who dumps who first, then it's who hurts who first, who feels the most guilty, who's moved on best. The whole thing is an insult to the idea that each person needs to be treated with love and respect. And in this sense romantic love is antithetical to love for all of humanity.
Of note is that sexual gratification, friendship, and emotional support can be had outside of a romantic relationship. So if you crave these things, like most do, You are not between in a rock and a hard place. I myself crave these things, and from this moment on I promise you will not see me in the ugly power struggle, the hate-filled timebomb we call an romantic relationship. Instead, each of my appetites will be filled on their own terms, accepting no emotional abuse that exists in even the simplest demands of a relationship.
I am a free agent, and except for those who resent my position, will cause no ill will amongst the females I spend time with, as friends or sexual partners. I can't break your heart, because I won't ask for it, or take it through manipulation. I can never again be someone who alienated your girlfriends affection for you, because I didn't ask for her affection. I am no longer a warpig.
Love is war, and without it I am at peace. The very nature of a relationship is conflict, without conflict there is just cohabitating people gratifying their sexual urges. I only realized this when I was cohabitating with a woman, gratifying her sexual urges, and she would let me know that we're not in a relationship yet. So what change could possibly happen to turn the relationship "on" from just playing around? Exclusive sexuality?
And there arises the conflict in most, the exclusive nature. It is truly violent to try to keep a person for yourself. If I knew a talented musician, but insisted he only play his music for me, and became angered when he played for someone else, I would be at best jealous and at worst abusive. What then is not abusive about not allowing a human being from having sex with someone else?
That sparked my interest in polyamory. The idea behind polyamory is that someones sexuality is their own, and they could give it to more than one person if they pleased. Some agreements go further to be "closed" to anyone outside of the initial grouping. I tried it, and found it preferable to the traditional coupling mentality. But the enemy of my enemy is not my friend, and it presented many problems itself. Jealousy is what comes to most peoples mind, but that passes fairly quickly. Afterwards, there is all kinds of other unpleasantness. There is a competitiveness. Either I feel inadequate, or I feel superior to my partners partner. In either case, I am harboring negative feeling towards a person I think should be afforded the same freedoms and pleasures I am.
There is hate for your fellow man deep within every utterance of "I love you". I love my family, but I don't tell them on a regular basis, I don't feel the need to after doing it the first time. Unless I don't anymore, I have enough good will to assume they know, and unless something extraordinary happens like they feel incredibly low, I don't say it again. When romantic partners say "I love you" to eachother, I wonder why they think they have to say it. There is unease. "I love you" is in a sense passive aggressive. The person must say it back, and the first person to say it in a series has always won that particular power struggle.
And the power struggle permeates elsewhere. Both partners may assure the person they're with they'd rather be with them than any other person, but after being dumped a few times, a person realizes people are only as truthful as their options. It may be true at the time, but desires and appetites change sometimes as often as the seasons, and when one person wants to still be with someone, but the object of affection fancies someone else, It can't help but cross the "dumped" parties mind that they are inferior to the next in line.
I do not say this to reiterate "love can hurt one's feelings", which is apparent. Instead, it's that love itself is a fight. That's why the nonsense of a "mutual breakup" exists. And the sense of "it's never mutual" also exists. After each relationship, someone had a victory. Firstly it's who dumps who first, then it's who hurts who first, who feels the most guilty, who's moved on best. The whole thing is an insult to the idea that each person needs to be treated with love and respect. And in this sense romantic love is antithetical to love for all of humanity.
Of note is that sexual gratification, friendship, and emotional support can be had outside of a romantic relationship. So if you crave these things, like most do, You are not between in a rock and a hard place. I myself crave these things, and from this moment on I promise you will not see me in the ugly power struggle, the hate-filled timebomb we call an romantic relationship. Instead, each of my appetites will be filled on their own terms, accepting no emotional abuse that exists in even the simplest demands of a relationship.
I am a free agent, and except for those who resent my position, will cause no ill will amongst the females I spend time with, as friends or sexual partners. I can't break your heart, because I won't ask for it, or take it through manipulation. I can never again be someone who alienated your girlfriends affection for you, because I didn't ask for her affection. I am no longer a warpig.
are you white trash?
I was born in a trailer(note: not a hospital close to the trailer park, in a trailer) and moved to the suburbs only by the mercy of my father(occasionally called “ma daddy” in white trash tribes) being able to afford a dilapidated 95,000 dollar home. At this point, I thought I had taken a large step from being “white trash” to “white”, but slowly realized that economic standing had nothing to do with being white trash.
White trash is a cultural group I still identify with. In many ways, I am grateful for the existence of the phrase, for saving me the trouble of spending every waking moment on being lame and compromising like the “white not-trash”(if there can be such a thing) that surrounds me. Are you white trash? Well, if you don’t identify as another racial group and it’s subsets for whatever reason, and are what bigots call an “under-achiever”, then you are halfway there. The other cultural markers are this:
You don’t drink alcohol/drink A LOT of alcohol...
Moderation is something that people latch onto to coast through life without conflict, out of fear or lack of substance. Not only is a white trash specimen fearless, they are confident in their decisions to the point where they actually let their excess guide them, example: “let the liquor do the thinking”. To qualify as a non-drinker example, you don’t drink for a reason besides your own health.
You have lots of pets(bonus points: non-mammal pets)(extra bonus: pets that are illegal to own)...
If you plan on dying without being surrounded by more than one dog/cat/bird/snake/colony of venomous insects your family will have to take as your only inheritance, you can’t qualify. I really can’t figure this out, but White Trash people love animals, and the weirder the better. If you received an exotic pet as a present before puberty, you can be sure your parents were white trash. If you asked for it, you are too.
You’ve smoked cigarette butts/ used chewing tobacco...
Without nicotine, there would be white-trash spree killings on a [more] regular basis. Nicotine appeals to the psyche of the white trash individual the same way it appeals to others, but white trash is differentiated in that they have scraped the bottom of the barrel to get nicotine at moments of poverty, instead of thinking “this is a waste of time and money”. To white trash, nothing is a waste of time or money.
You like boats/water/vacation cruises...
The promise of conquest when you are on the open water must fire up some sleeping neurons in a white trash specimen. The reality that any non-white trash person can see is that you’re hanging out in murky water with poison fish and the possibility of drowning while piss-drunk. I must admit this doesn’t apply to me, because:
You don’t know how to swim...
This is a general marker of poverty, but especially in the case of whites. It means that your parents couldn’t afford swimming lessons or time at a pool, and there was no body of water near your living quarters deep enough to want to swim in. Bonus points if you make no effort to learn.
You are surrounded by musical instruments...
And you are not a musician in any traditional sense. It doesn’t count if you can play one well, or all of them ok. You have to have baffling noise-causing mechanisms all around you, for no pragmatic reason, like your pets. Bonus points if you are offended when people offer to buy them.
You’ve done a trick on your bicycle...
This doesn’t count if it’s something anyone would be impressed with. It has to be something like skidding on gravel/wet leaves, running into a wall at greater and greater speeds, simply riding off of a tall ledge, or holding onto a car to gain speed. White Trash love bicycles, and I think most of then learn to ride them before they learn their own name. Bonus points if you’ve been hospitilized for trying. Extra bonus points if you tried it again successfully. Mega bonus points if you were hospitalized again.
You’ve gone more than 2 weeks without showering...
Either because you had no access to a shower on purpose, or you “needed more time” for playing video games or doing meth.
You collect something worthless...
This is what you can use to tell a white trash specimen apart from a poorly dressed great ape. In the back of the white-trash persons mind is some lingering self-awareness that they are just going through culturally and biologically programed motions. In order to fight this sensation, they have keepsakes from their various indulgences. Because who wants to just drink beer for no reason when you can collect the cans and make a dog/cat/bird/snake/venomous insects house with them?
You imagine receiving a great deal of money somehow...
And when you get it, you know exactly what you’re going to spend it on. And what you’re going to spend it on doesn’t involve a bank, collecting interest, or investing. It’s strictly for upgrading the quality of the cars, house, and dogs/cats/birds/snakes/colony of venomous insects that surround you.
White trash is a cultural group I still identify with. In many ways, I am grateful for the existence of the phrase, for saving me the trouble of spending every waking moment on being lame and compromising like the “white not-trash”(if there can be such a thing) that surrounds me. Are you white trash? Well, if you don’t identify as another racial group and it’s subsets for whatever reason, and are what bigots call an “under-achiever”, then you are halfway there. The other cultural markers are this:
You don’t drink alcohol/drink A LOT of alcohol...
Moderation is something that people latch onto to coast through life without conflict, out of fear or lack of substance. Not only is a white trash specimen fearless, they are confident in their decisions to the point where they actually let their excess guide them, example: “let the liquor do the thinking”. To qualify as a non-drinker example, you don’t drink for a reason besides your own health.
You have lots of pets(bonus points: non-mammal pets)(extra bonus: pets that are illegal to own)...
If you plan on dying without being surrounded by more than one dog/cat/bird/snake/colony of venomous insects your family will have to take as your only inheritance, you can’t qualify. I really can’t figure this out, but White Trash people love animals, and the weirder the better. If you received an exotic pet as a present before puberty, you can be sure your parents were white trash. If you asked for it, you are too.
You’ve smoked cigarette butts/ used chewing tobacco...
Without nicotine, there would be white-trash spree killings on a [more] regular basis. Nicotine appeals to the psyche of the white trash individual the same way it appeals to others, but white trash is differentiated in that they have scraped the bottom of the barrel to get nicotine at moments of poverty, instead of thinking “this is a waste of time and money”. To white trash, nothing is a waste of time or money.
You like boats/water/vacation cruises...
The promise of conquest when you are on the open water must fire up some sleeping neurons in a white trash specimen. The reality that any non-white trash person can see is that you’re hanging out in murky water with poison fish and the possibility of drowning while piss-drunk. I must admit this doesn’t apply to me, because:
You don’t know how to swim...
This is a general marker of poverty, but especially in the case of whites. It means that your parents couldn’t afford swimming lessons or time at a pool, and there was no body of water near your living quarters deep enough to want to swim in. Bonus points if you make no effort to learn.
You are surrounded by musical instruments...
And you are not a musician in any traditional sense. It doesn’t count if you can play one well, or all of them ok. You have to have baffling noise-causing mechanisms all around you, for no pragmatic reason, like your pets. Bonus points if you are offended when people offer to buy them.
You’ve done a trick on your bicycle...
This doesn’t count if it’s something anyone would be impressed with. It has to be something like skidding on gravel/wet leaves, running into a wall at greater and greater speeds, simply riding off of a tall ledge, or holding onto a car to gain speed. White Trash love bicycles, and I think most of then learn to ride them before they learn their own name. Bonus points if you’ve been hospitilized for trying. Extra bonus points if you tried it again successfully. Mega bonus points if you were hospitalized again.
You’ve gone more than 2 weeks without showering...
Either because you had no access to a shower on purpose, or you “needed more time” for playing video games or doing meth.
You collect something worthless...
This is what you can use to tell a white trash specimen apart from a poorly dressed great ape. In the back of the white-trash persons mind is some lingering self-awareness that they are just going through culturally and biologically programed motions. In order to fight this sensation, they have keepsakes from their various indulgences. Because who wants to just drink beer for no reason when you can collect the cans and make a dog/cat/bird/snake/venomous insects house with them?
You imagine receiving a great deal of money somehow...
And when you get it, you know exactly what you’re going to spend it on. And what you’re going to spend it on doesn’t involve a bank, collecting interest, or investing. It’s strictly for upgrading the quality of the cars, house, and dogs/cats/birds/snakes/colony of venomous insects that surround you.
objective watchmen review
I watched this movie knowing little about it on purpose. I'm generally a fan of the "graphic novel"(comic book) themed movie, feeling it's a step above the classic superhero comics/movies. I'm also not a fan of graphic novels(comic books) themselves, and I'm not ashamed of liking one and not the other. So note that this review is solely for the movie, and you nerds who complain that your favorite speech bubble was left out can dunk you head in ice water.
All in all, this was an excellent movie. The redeeming feature I found in it was a collection of monologues, with visual accompaniment. Each strong character had his own "piece" within the movie, and it added quite a bit of depth to it. They all possessed basic philosophical outlooks, and the monologues would be a back story and personal mission thereafter, mixed with flashbacks. That part was strong enough to carry the entire movie, and as many of you who've seen it might guess, dr. manhattan is the character I relate to best.
The moral ambiguity was a crowing achievement. Typically hollywood's idea of "moral ambiguity" is when a good guy does something slightly bad, or the other way around. Instead, throughout this movie, the viewer finds themselves rooting for all kinds of uncomfortable things, only because the opposite is worse, and occasionally one really can't tell which side is worse, and has a cognitive tug of war that ends with nothing but mental ropeburn.
definitely worth a watch, maybe a few.
There was plenty to take exception with:
-Dr. Manhattan has a circumcised penis. Why? he clearly doesn't have the body build he had before he mutated, so why is circumcision still the "perfect male form" when only israel and the united states still do it on a wide scale? zionist conspiracy
-all the songs are obnoxiously ironic(usually lyrically referring to something on the screen) and well-known. This would have been a much better film had they hired someone to do the score, or more obscure songs were used(that would have fit better). All instrumental might have served it best
-nixon's double is almost comical. I think they could have put more into finding a closer match, most of the other ones are good
-there is no strong female character. There doesn't have to be, but unfortunately it seems like they are trying to make one(or two) and it doesn't work out. All the starring females are completely at the mercy of the illogical actions of the male protagonists.
-I know this isn't reality, but the fight scenes could have at least involved human nature. On only one occasion does(a dwarf) realize he's outmatched and run away. Other times, when 2 superheros are fighting 20-30 goons, the goons all run to fight full speed, and even after 29 of them have been bodied, the last one will still think he can win. Even in under-financed early bruce lee films, the goons will each think about a new way to attack, or try to run away, before fighting.
All in all, this was an excellent movie. The redeeming feature I found in it was a collection of monologues, with visual accompaniment. Each strong character had his own "piece" within the movie, and it added quite a bit of depth to it. They all possessed basic philosophical outlooks, and the monologues would be a back story and personal mission thereafter, mixed with flashbacks. That part was strong enough to carry the entire movie, and as many of you who've seen it might guess, dr. manhattan is the character I relate to best.
The moral ambiguity was a crowing achievement. Typically hollywood's idea of "moral ambiguity" is when a good guy does something slightly bad, or the other way around. Instead, throughout this movie, the viewer finds themselves rooting for all kinds of uncomfortable things, only because the opposite is worse, and occasionally one really can't tell which side is worse, and has a cognitive tug of war that ends with nothing but mental ropeburn.
definitely worth a watch, maybe a few.
There was plenty to take exception with:
-Dr. Manhattan has a circumcised penis. Why? he clearly doesn't have the body build he had before he mutated, so why is circumcision still the "perfect male form" when only israel and the united states still do it on a wide scale? zionist conspiracy
-all the songs are obnoxiously ironic(usually lyrically referring to something on the screen) and well-known. This would have been a much better film had they hired someone to do the score, or more obscure songs were used(that would have fit better). All instrumental might have served it best
-nixon's double is almost comical. I think they could have put more into finding a closer match, most of the other ones are good
-there is no strong female character. There doesn't have to be, but unfortunately it seems like they are trying to make one(or two) and it doesn't work out. All the starring females are completely at the mercy of the illogical actions of the male protagonists.
-I know this isn't reality, but the fight scenes could have at least involved human nature. On only one occasion does(a dwarf) realize he's outmatched and run away. Other times, when 2 superheros are fighting 20-30 goons, the goons all run to fight full speed, and even after 29 of them have been bodied, the last one will still think he can win. Even in under-financed early bruce lee films, the goons will each think about a new way to attack, or try to run away, before fighting.
energy
The ability to expend energy is mostly owed to conserving it beforehand. I often wondered what the "average joe" is doing with his time, and how he could possibly be happy with his lot in life.
Because it's baffling for me to imagine a life without some kind of artistic expression; some kind of performance to put on. If I'm not performing, I'm planning on how I'm going to perform when I get the chance. Everything is quite simple, I simmer and scheme and then erupt in one cathartic climax, again and again.
The reason why other people don't do it became plainly simple to me today. After a night of not sleeping, I found myself highly emotional. Becoming drained by basic things like having to make food or listening to something on the radio. With my basic energy out-of-whack, what little energy I had was spent on stupid shit, as is the case for most people.
Most would agree that it's important to be ready for a challenge at any moment. It would seem though that most people wake up refreshed and ready, but by the end of the day are too burnt out by making dietary choices and socializing with people to have anything left.
I, on the other hand, am terrible at these and many other daily life tasks, as well as major life choices that don't involve "my work". I've discovered recently that the less I pay attention to them(and consequently how badly I execute them), the better I am at getting "the work" done.
So as long as I pay attention enough to driving to not be killed in an accident, as long as I eat just the right variety of food not to get nutrient deficient, as long as I talk to other people just enough so they don't take hostile action against me, I focus on what's "important"; a gonzo news show.
Because it's baffling for me to imagine a life without some kind of artistic expression; some kind of performance to put on. If I'm not performing, I'm planning on how I'm going to perform when I get the chance. Everything is quite simple, I simmer and scheme and then erupt in one cathartic climax, again and again.
The reason why other people don't do it became plainly simple to me today. After a night of not sleeping, I found myself highly emotional. Becoming drained by basic things like having to make food or listening to something on the radio. With my basic energy out-of-whack, what little energy I had was spent on stupid shit, as is the case for most people.
Most would agree that it's important to be ready for a challenge at any moment. It would seem though that most people wake up refreshed and ready, but by the end of the day are too burnt out by making dietary choices and socializing with people to have anything left.
I, on the other hand, am terrible at these and many other daily life tasks, as well as major life choices that don't involve "my work". I've discovered recently that the less I pay attention to them(and consequently how badly I execute them), the better I am at getting "the work" done.
So as long as I pay attention enough to driving to not be killed in an accident, as long as I eat just the right variety of food not to get nutrient deficient, as long as I talk to other people just enough so they don't take hostile action against me, I focus on what's "important"; a gonzo news show.
remember me?
After moving to a place where I didn't know anyone and being biologically compelled to form social bonds with strangers, in pretty short order I thought I had the people I met figured out.
I had the people I liked, and the people I didn't like. There was a large variety of criteria employed to decide which group each person went into, but I noticed after the fact a very striking thing: everyone who I had put into the "don't like" group casually asked me the same questions about myself, that I had already answered directly to them before. I noticed that if I said "I already told you" they were a bit off-put, so then I tried just answering again. To my wonder, this didn't jog most of their memories, and they responded in a way that was quite similar to how they responded the first time they asked the question.
Occasionally I like to give people the benefit of the doubt, particularly when it comes to matters of memory, so as not to have my glass house broken. But why is it that no one who was on the "do like" list has any problems remembering what I've told them? And why is it I remember factual conversations with everyone, including people I don't like?
Because for all my huffing and puffing, I am interested in people. If they volunteer information about themselves, or I volunteer information about myself, it is, on some basic level, important. I don't often indulge in small talk because to me, no talk is small.
I may not remember the calendar date(or day of the week), how many cups of coffee I had this morning or "that one time" but I do keep a keen record of what the people who surround me think they are, what they are doing and what they know about me. Not only is it personally upsetting when someone doesn't remember something personal you told them, it crosses your mind that the person is entirely self-absorbed in exactly the wrong ways.
Try to apply this litmus test for feelings of kinship in your life. I bet it checks out.
I had the people I liked, and the people I didn't like. There was a large variety of criteria employed to decide which group each person went into, but I noticed after the fact a very striking thing: everyone who I had put into the "don't like" group casually asked me the same questions about myself, that I had already answered directly to them before. I noticed that if I said "I already told you" they were a bit off-put, so then I tried just answering again. To my wonder, this didn't jog most of their memories, and they responded in a way that was quite similar to how they responded the first time they asked the question.
Occasionally I like to give people the benefit of the doubt, particularly when it comes to matters of memory, so as not to have my glass house broken. But why is it that no one who was on the "do like" list has any problems remembering what I've told them? And why is it I remember factual conversations with everyone, including people I don't like?
Because for all my huffing and puffing, I am interested in people. If they volunteer information about themselves, or I volunteer information about myself, it is, on some basic level, important. I don't often indulge in small talk because to me, no talk is small.
I may not remember the calendar date(or day of the week), how many cups of coffee I had this morning or "that one time" but I do keep a keen record of what the people who surround me think they are, what they are doing and what they know about me. Not only is it personally upsetting when someone doesn't remember something personal you told them, it crosses your mind that the person is entirely self-absorbed in exactly the wrong ways.
Try to apply this litmus test for feelings of kinship in your life. I bet it checks out.
Whatever doesn't kill me is?
So I had a shit day. I've had plenty of them, but this one actually took some magical/optimistic thinking to get through.
Well, I've had a shit month to begin with. March is a shit month in the first place, between the stuttering winter of February and the stuttering spring of april. March just slurs- and if it were a person it would be a drunk man on the street corner asking you for 2 cents.
To begin with, I had to work a "double" as it is called, in my case that's a 4 hour shift, with one hour break, and a 6 1/2 hour shift. It was at 2 different places, so the "break" was used to get coffee and travel to the other location. During the 3rd hour, with images of the day completely overrun by menial labor, I had to think fast why I was doing this. The material reason is simple, because 2 weeks ago I had -24 dollars and alot of things to buy. I thought "I better work more", but then why did I cover a shift yesterday, and tomorrow, making 3 10-hour shifts 3 days in a row?
I flashed(as I, and you should, often do) to a Calvin and Hobbes strip. In the strip, Calvin is trying to be good so Santa will reward him with presents. He is at the dinner table, and eats his plate of dinner mentioning "what are these, maggots? I'm choking them down the best I can, this should be worth X amount of presents!". His mom interjects "more maggots?" sarcastically and Calvin shouts "Sure! Pile em on!".
Pile em on. That is exactly how I felt when taking on so much labor, and how I feel right now. If things are shitty, throw all the shit you can at me, and I will take it all on. I will live shit, do shit and eat shit, and I will smile. I won't gripe, whine or brag about it later, I'll just do it. And I had a thought that though I don't value the particular labor I'm doing, I can at least use a similar ethos for the labor that I do value. It was a pure and simple moment of seeing the glass half-full. I thought of it as cross-training. I had to, not to walk out at any moment. I had to look at the employing class and say "you are increasing my stamina while you pay me very little, and it will all come back to bite you".
They raise people to work 40-80 hours a week. What will the person do if they're clever enough to save their resources and develop no false pride, only resentment? The person will work 40-80 hours on tearing the whole system down when they get the chance. If I can calculate a stores inventory I can ration my energy for an attack.
Maybe I'm a sucker like every other sucker and I suck. But if everything is really what you make of it, the world couldn't expect just what I could make out of it's shit.
Well, I've had a shit month to begin with. March is a shit month in the first place, between the stuttering winter of February and the stuttering spring of april. March just slurs- and if it were a person it would be a drunk man on the street corner asking you for 2 cents.
To begin with, I had to work a "double" as it is called, in my case that's a 4 hour shift, with one hour break, and a 6 1/2 hour shift. It was at 2 different places, so the "break" was used to get coffee and travel to the other location. During the 3rd hour, with images of the day completely overrun by menial labor, I had to think fast why I was doing this. The material reason is simple, because 2 weeks ago I had -24 dollars and alot of things to buy. I thought "I better work more", but then why did I cover a shift yesterday, and tomorrow, making 3 10-hour shifts 3 days in a row?
I flashed(as I, and you should, often do) to a Calvin and Hobbes strip. In the strip, Calvin is trying to be good so Santa will reward him with presents. He is at the dinner table, and eats his plate of dinner mentioning "what are these, maggots? I'm choking them down the best I can, this should be worth X amount of presents!". His mom interjects "more maggots?" sarcastically and Calvin shouts "Sure! Pile em on!".
Pile em on. That is exactly how I felt when taking on so much labor, and how I feel right now. If things are shitty, throw all the shit you can at me, and I will take it all on. I will live shit, do shit and eat shit, and I will smile. I won't gripe, whine or brag about it later, I'll just do it. And I had a thought that though I don't value the particular labor I'm doing, I can at least use a similar ethos for the labor that I do value. It was a pure and simple moment of seeing the glass half-full. I thought of it as cross-training. I had to, not to walk out at any moment. I had to look at the employing class and say "you are increasing my stamina while you pay me very little, and it will all come back to bite you".
They raise people to work 40-80 hours a week. What will the person do if they're clever enough to save their resources and develop no false pride, only resentment? The person will work 40-80 hours on tearing the whole system down when they get the chance. If I can calculate a stores inventory I can ration my energy for an attack.
Maybe I'm a sucker like every other sucker and I suck. But if everything is really what you make of it, the world couldn't expect just what I could make out of it's shit.
real advice
One might think a person like me; as oblivious to societal rules as the day is long/short depending on seasonal changes, couldn't have survived to be 21 and 3/4 of a year old. Against my better judgement, I have. "But how?" you didn't ask and didn't really care to know? A few guidelines:
-do your own laundry.
It's an emotional thing. People use laundry for manipulation in a variety of situations. If you let someone else do your laundry, it means you owe them one, even if they reassure you it's not a problem. It just means they can make it a problem whenever they like.
-only eat out on special occasions.
I've talked to alot of "older individuals" and they all had a similar period of 1-30 years in which they ate out practically every meal they needed to eat. I can't say I've been immune to the addiction. When calculated, this costs more daily than caffeine, nicotine, and alcohol together, in heavy amounts, and is alot less fun. Absolutely any food you like, you can learn to prepare at home and make it exactly how you like it.
-drugs are not "fun"
They are something you do/don't need to continue to your goals. "Situational" and "Recreational" users are as lame as anything else with the word "situational" and "recreational"; like "situational offender" and "recreational sports".
-sex is not great.
I'm always astounded when someone mentions something is "better than sex". First of all, sex is not a homogenous, dependable thing; like a chocolate bar or getting really, really drunk. Every time is different. Think how many things are better than that time you lost your hard-on and spend 20 minutes apologizing only to have your partner reassure you, and in hindsight realize you just further emasculated yourself. I've had car accidents that were better than sex.
-always tip.
It's amazing people will buy unseen things from infomercials, pay for cable television, eat out every other meal, and still not hand a fellow human being a few dollars in gratitude. You were going to buy a mountain dew and some cheetos with that 4 dollars from a Senegalese shopkeeper , whereas the cab driver is going to send it to Senegal. Cut the middleman.
-don't own things.
I too thought having things generated the ability to have more things, or money. The opposite appears to be the case. Things usually break, wear out or cause more trouble than happiness. Like cars, televisions, and state-issued driver's licenses. The only things you can be sure are good buys are new socks and electricity.
-sleep as much as you damn well please
Don't worry about time. You only have so much of it in your life anyway, which is more reason to stay safe in your bed where no one can run your pockets and your subconscious can plan it's next attack. sleep less than 7 hours a night a few times in a row and observe what you do with your "free time". Between coffee/energy drinks: probably start a blog or initiate human contact. bad move.
-do your own laundry.
It's an emotional thing. People use laundry for manipulation in a variety of situations. If you let someone else do your laundry, it means you owe them one, even if they reassure you it's not a problem. It just means they can make it a problem whenever they like.
-only eat out on special occasions.
I've talked to alot of "older individuals" and they all had a similar period of 1-30 years in which they ate out practically every meal they needed to eat. I can't say I've been immune to the addiction. When calculated, this costs more daily than caffeine, nicotine, and alcohol together, in heavy amounts, and is alot less fun. Absolutely any food you like, you can learn to prepare at home and make it exactly how you like it.
-drugs are not "fun"
They are something you do/don't need to continue to your goals. "Situational" and "Recreational" users are as lame as anything else with the word "situational" and "recreational"; like "situational offender" and "recreational sports".
-sex is not great.
I'm always astounded when someone mentions something is "better than sex". First of all, sex is not a homogenous, dependable thing; like a chocolate bar or getting really, really drunk. Every time is different. Think how many things are better than that time you lost your hard-on and spend 20 minutes apologizing only to have your partner reassure you, and in hindsight realize you just further emasculated yourself. I've had car accidents that were better than sex.
-always tip.
It's amazing people will buy unseen things from infomercials, pay for cable television, eat out every other meal, and still not hand a fellow human being a few dollars in gratitude. You were going to buy a mountain dew and some cheetos with that 4 dollars from a Senegalese shopkeeper , whereas the cab driver is going to send it to Senegal. Cut the middleman.
-don't own things.
I too thought having things generated the ability to have more things, or money. The opposite appears to be the case. Things usually break, wear out or cause more trouble than happiness. Like cars, televisions, and state-issued driver's licenses. The only things you can be sure are good buys are new socks and electricity.
-sleep as much as you damn well please
Don't worry about time. You only have so much of it in your life anyway, which is more reason to stay safe in your bed where no one can run your pockets and your subconscious can plan it's next attack. sleep less than 7 hours a night a few times in a row and observe what you do with your "free time". Between coffee/energy drinks: probably start a blog or initiate human contact. bad move.
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