day 1

I'm quitting drinking for an indeterminate length of time. Why, you didn't ask? :

1) I'm listening to a song on a recently acquired album, and note that all dozen times I've heard this song I haven't been sober

2) I plan on writing something... but black out, and wake up the next morning, to hear I did nothing but play with a cat

3) It's 5PM. I head out(walking!) for an evening of drinking, already drunk, but rip my pants. I start heading home... but black out, and wake up on the sofa at 10PM

4) The paneling along the doorway to my house is cracked. My keys are on the floor 3 feet inside. I don't remember.

5) I try to feed a pet snake a live rat. He doesn't eat it, and I have to remove it, but I've gotten intoxicated between then and now and am afraid the rat will outwit me.

6) I drink bottom shelf Triple Sec, straight. ... That's all

7) I'm too drunk to fuck at 1PM.

8) I convince a Jamaican guy to take a shot of jameson with me at a bar. He winces like he's going to puke, and I laugh. (actually, that was awesome)

++++Post Script: not really exaggerated++++