"There's never been a good war, or a bad peace".
Love is war, and without it I am at peace. The very nature of a relationship is conflict, without conflict there is just cohabitating people gratifying their sexual urges. I only realized this when I was cohabitating with a woman, gratifying her sexual urges, and she would let me know that we're not in a relationship yet. So what change could possibly happen to turn the relationship "on" from just playing around? Exclusive sexuality?
And there arises the conflict in most, the exclusive nature. It is truly violent to try to keep a person for yourself. If I knew a talented musician, but insisted he only play his music for me, and became angered when he played for someone else, I would be at best jealous and at worst abusive. What then is not abusive about not allowing a human being from having sex with someone else?
That sparked my interest in polyamory. The idea behind polyamory is that someones sexuality is their own, and they could give it to more than one person if they pleased. Some agreements go further to be "closed" to anyone outside of the initial grouping. I tried it, and found it preferable to the traditional coupling mentality. But the enemy of my enemy is not my friend, and it presented many problems itself. Jealousy is what comes to most peoples mind, but that passes fairly quickly. Afterwards, there is all kinds of other unpleasantness. There is a competitiveness. Either I feel inadequate, or I feel superior to my partners partner. In either case, I am harboring negative feeling towards a person I think should be afforded the same freedoms and pleasures I am.
There is hate for your fellow man deep within every utterance of "I love you". I love my family, but I don't tell them on a regular basis, I don't feel the need to after doing it the first time. Unless I don't anymore, I have enough good will to assume they know, and unless something extraordinary happens like they feel incredibly low, I don't say it again. When romantic partners say "I love you" to eachother, I wonder why they think they have to say it. There is unease. "I love you" is in a sense passive aggressive. The person must say it back, and the first person to say it in a series has always won that particular power struggle.
And the power struggle permeates elsewhere. Both partners may assure the person they're with they'd rather be with them than any other person, but after being dumped a few times, a person realizes people are only as truthful as their options. It may be true at the time, but desires and appetites change sometimes as often as the seasons, and when one person wants to still be with someone, but the object of affection fancies someone else, It can't help but cross the "dumped" parties mind that they are inferior to the next in line.
I do not say this to reiterate "love can hurt one's feelings", which is apparent. Instead, it's that love itself is a fight. That's why the nonsense of a "mutual breakup" exists. And the sense of "it's never mutual" also exists. After each relationship, someone had a victory. Firstly it's who dumps who first, then it's who hurts who first, who feels the most guilty, who's moved on best. The whole thing is an insult to the idea that each person needs to be treated with love and respect. And in this sense romantic love is antithetical to love for all of humanity.
Of note is that sexual gratification, friendship, and emotional support can be had outside of a romantic relationship. So if you crave these things, like most do, You are not between in a rock and a hard place. I myself crave these things, and from this moment on I promise you will not see me in the ugly power struggle, the hate-filled timebomb we call an romantic relationship. Instead, each of my appetites will be filled on their own terms, accepting no emotional abuse that exists in even the simplest demands of a relationship.
I am a free agent, and except for those who resent my position, will cause no ill will amongst the females I spend time with, as friends or sexual partners. I can't break your heart, because I won't ask for it, or take it through manipulation. I can never again be someone who alienated your girlfriends affection for you, because I didn't ask for her affection. I am no longer a warpig.
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