cobe

It's a cliche to hear something like "back in those days, I thought I was invincible. Yep, back in my 20's. Then it all caught up with me". Careful not to have anything catch up with me, I was also careful not to give in to feeling invincible. And I don't, at least compared to the average young adult.

But in the past few weeks, much like hunger pangs, I've been hit with power pangs. For 1-30 minutes I will feel strong as a damn ox and sharp as a damn tack, with no hangover or moment of reprisal afterwards. On some level, it's true.

These feelings coincided with the idea of being a drifter. I've already moved to one city for no particular reason looking for nothing in particular, so the choice presents itself: figure it was a wierd type of vacation, or do it again for no particular reason. When I discussed this with others, I was a bit surprised by their envious faces. Some even said "I wish I could do that".

The question is obvious- why couldn't they do that? Well, they could, but they won't, and I think that is the line I can draw between the youth populous at large and me. Like a person with a family, they feel tied down to whatever they've created/started where they are. I have certainly felt that way, but I was lucky enough not to feel guilty/lazy enough to be bound by it. The idea that I can go wherever I can get to, get a low-paying job, and be in just as good a situation as I was before, and possibly a better one, is liberating on many levels.

I think the power-pangs are the result of feeling like everything in my life is lining up. The smallest, most wasteful action I take is a piece of something larger. Whether it is or not is an unanswered question, but the fact that I can feel like all my false starts are a bridge makes everything seem worthwhile.

You can always tell how valid your feelings are by how weird the song-lyric is that reminds you of it. The wierder and more obscure the song, the more valid the feeling. So in the words of emcee "beans":

I did it cause you didn't.