murder murder

I have known people who I wouldn't miss if they died. I didn't wish it on them, but I knew that I couldn't pretend to mourn them if it did happen. For 2 of these people, it did happen. And I was happy about it. I didn't hide my opinion, and of course I did feel bad for their families.

Someone I worked with for 1 1/2 years was murdered last week. He was not one of those people. But in the same breath, I don't think it was a devastating loss. That is the true nuance of an unexpected death. The expected reaction is to always think it was a terrible loss, no matter who it was. The more honest reaction is to be glad if it was someone you hated, and sad if it was anyone else. And still, there is a reaction much like mine, a complete neutrality mixed with a feeling of "glad I didn't have to be there".

The victim in question was a person who played many roles, which I repect. He was a towson university student, who had just graduated months before his death. He dealt tons of cannabis. Everyone knew that, and even to the untrained eye, he could be seen doling out cannabis to practical strangers. He liked athletics, he liked pop culture. He was both a loser and a winner, depending on your preconceptions and your perception. And that's the way most of us are.

The news reports only what suit and tie america would be devestated by: Towson University graduate, outside of baltimore city limits, shot in the back of the head. The same news story could read: Known drug dealer, because of possible drug war, shot in the back of the head. And this is the same individual we're talking about.

When I lived in baltimore, I would listen to local radio, which ran an audio version of "murder ink", an excellent column in the city paper reporting the weekly murder count. Whenever a victim was mentioned by name, someone would call in to describe how though he may have been involved with drug dealing, this was really a good kid. They'd mention the various redeemable qualities he had and the positive things he was involved in. I always shrugged it off. Not that I didn't believe it, but really because I thought that it was a cover for his darker side.

No longer. If the movie/book clockwork orange taught you anything besides "sociopathy seems pretty fun", it taught you that human beings are not machines, they are organic creatures, capable of great warmth and great frigidity. The news will paint an individual as all evil or all good depending on what political point they're trying to make. A college graduate can be a drug dealer. And that person can be murdered or live 100 years. Never think for one moment that there's any justice in it. Just remember that any report had an angle, besides this one.