A for effort, F for competence

I spent my years in school blinded by my rage at every waking moment, and could never fully articulate what was so terrible at the time. That's one of the problems with forcing children into institutions and setting standards for them. They almost always lack the requisite skills to express their grief, and often only manage to come up with something like "I don't like school".

Even for 2 years afterward, I just put all thoughts about school out of my mind, because I didn't want to waste any more time on it. Yet I did promise myself that someday, when I was sure the nightmare was over, I would explain calmly what was so awful. Hence...

Grades being the ultimate standard for a students performance is a terrible idea. The day I always paid the most attention to was the first day of class(while most of my classmates were busy sleeping or tripping balls on cough syrup). On that day, the teacher would explain the way they grade, I assume as a matter of standard practice. They put it on the chalkboard, on the energy-consuming projector, or on a sheet of paper, and every student but me didn't listen and didn't remember.

They each had their own system, but Homework was never more than 30% of the grade. So if I knew a subject pretty damn well from watching the history channel or asking questions when I was 9, I figured if I just got A's on all the classwork and tests, I would pass. I quickly realized how this "system" of grading was make-pretend. I would get A's or B's on my tests and classwork, and ask the teacher why I failed. They would say "you didn't do your homework". I would say that homework was only 30% of my grade, and they would look at me as if their asscheeks were clenching together, in shock that a student actualy remembered that. Then they informed me that when they review homework in class, that counts as class participation, which is classwork. When I would remind them that I did participate in homework review without doing the homework, they would say something that demonstrated that they had no response/were getting Delerium Tremens.

On one particularly nauseating occasion, I checked out my "progress report", and compared it directly to another students next to me. I noticed that there were simply more homework assignments listed on mine, so that the average was different for me than the other student. When I brought this up, the teacher was present, but probable thinking about a bottle of scotch at home or one of the attractive 15 year old women in the class. I realized another way that this "system" can be corrupted.

Another thing teachers would tell me up untill the 3rd quarter was that they take "marked improvement" into consideration. Meaning that, If I passed my last 2 quarters with A or B grades, despite failing the first 2, that they "might" let me pass. They never said that they absolutely would, so what was the incentive for trying? If I did work to pass them, then they could simply fail me cause they feel like it. So on several occasions, I opted to fail the class and take it with a different teacher rather than waste my time. Nothing about this system was set in stone, and I sure as hell didn't trust anyone who made the decision to be a school teacher.

When those situations came up, I would talk to the guidance counselor about how I was in a class for no reason. I had several unique solutions, always that my parents approved of, but they didn't. Among them:

Instead of taking a class that I'll fail, I could have a free period, in the cafeteria or library, to do my homework for other classes. My grades would improve in that case, and I wouldn't be a dead body in a useless class. Answer: No.

If it was the first class of the day, I could simply come in later. I would be more rested, and not waste mine or the teachers time. Answer: No.

I could switch to another class that I need. That way, I could get something else out of the way. At this they always(I mean ALWAYS) told be "there are too many students in that class already" but never put a hard figure on it. Sometimes there were 26, sometimes there where 31. How many Cobe Soldos does it take to fill a class? Answer: No.

Through the school refusing to accommodate me, I was forced to do what I thought was right, which was to skip the class and do something else, sometimes that something else was literally just to sit alone outside somewhere. Other times it was to go to someone elses lunch period and spend time with them. I have no regrets.

The climax so to speak came in 12th grade, my last year. Firstly, They let me know that I had enough credits to get my diploma without passing my first class. I was only interested in getting the bare-bones dimploma by this point, So I didn't waste my time on this class. They let me know that my "school attendance" for the day depended on attending my first class. Why? With this system, I could literally attend only my first class and go home, and that would count for more than skipping my first class and attending the rest of them. In any case, I did the latter most of the time, leading them to tell me that I had too many "absences"(despite attending every other class) and that I would have to take summer classes to get my dimploma. At this, I asked them on the spot for the paperwork to drop-out. They changed their minds on the spot, as well.

Then, in a class I did need to pass(English 12), I found out that my teacher was grading students differently. There's no way to sugar-coat that, and it's not excusable. The breaking point was when I turned in work on time, the Teacher "read it carefully" and gave me a C. Another student turned in work late, the teacher didn't read it and marked A on it immediately. When that happened, I told him that he's treating students to different standards, and walked out. When I came in the next day, he promised me "he would tell" the administration that I walked out, and "forgive me". I kept up with my assertion that he was wrong and I did the right thing. Of course things soured after that, but my passing the class came down to the final exam of the year. Because of a grading curve, I got a 123%, which would have been a 90% without the curve. That means that some other student got a 37%, with the curve got a 60%, and passed just like me. What is the rationale behind a grading curve? Because I did better by comparison, I did better than 100%? The idea blew my mind, but also, when it average into my other grades, caused me to pass the class.

I can't count how many times a teacher marked homework "A for completion" without grading it. That means that the mindless assholes surrounding me got A's on homework just for writing absolutely anything for their answers, and I got nothing. On more than a dozen occasions I was saved by my final exam, when the teacher would remark "maybe you do know this stuff". Wow! Who would've thought that I didn't need daily reenforcement to remember basic skills?

In many cases, grading and attendance not only had no relation to wether the student understood and could apply the material, but it was used against me to fail me based on my character or personality. What then is school good for? Is there a reason I couldn't just take the final exam at the beginning of the course to skip it? Yes. The reason is social control. They never let me come in late, hang out in the library or do what made sense because they simply had to keep my off the streets and out of the community for 3-6 hours of the day in my prime years. Fuck the teachers, Fuck the classes, and Fuck the system. It works for the mindless, and doesn't work for anyone else.

No comments: