I had a moment of clarity that startled me a bit today. Perhaps as the result of manic-depressive black and white thinking, perhaps as a result of pessimism and general negative thinking, I don't define things in term of health, ever.
Even when referring to myself or people I greatly admire(like myself) I don't often phrase characteristics as healthy or positive. Instead of someone being a "hard worker and avid coffee-drinker" they are "a coffee addict and a workaholic". This can really be applied to everything, I see excess, sickness and desperation in all actions. Any positivity arising from that sickness is a by-product.
It's just hard to believe that after somebody takes their thousandth shot from a bottle of liquor that they simply "like drinking". Yes, that is certainly the case, but because of addiction. Not that they're addiction has neccesarily done them any harm.
I've always had this outlook and applied it to myself no differently. Instead of seeking activity, I seek sicknesses. My only curiosity is in seeking the right combination of things to be sick with. Being healthy has never, ever been important to me. I hate all things which wish to cure me, or anyone else, of the only thing that keeps them going: need and satisfation.
Fuck anyone who wants everything, person around them and themselves to be "healthy". Healthy is another word for "just ok"
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And as for sickness: are we not almost tempted to ask whether we could get along without it?
-friedrich wilhelm
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