Gimmicks that don't work:
I know! If I want to get alot done, I'll take a few shots of liquor, which will put me in the right mood to be productive. Then, as a reward I'll take a couple more. Then, when work is difficult, I'll take som-... When did I go to bed?
I know! If I want to get alot done, I'll wake up real early in the morning, eat a big breakfast, drink some coffee and then... oh, time to go to work.
I know! If I want to get alot done, I'll drink alot of coffee. Then, I'll wait till it kicks in while I check my email. What? My orders late? I'm gonna call and straighten this out right now. *phone rings* "Hell yeah I'll cover a shift! money time!"... ah fuck.
I know! If I want to get alot done, I'll stay up real, real late and work on i...Damn, I have a headache. I better watch some kids in the hall till the feeling passes, and also eat some fat-filled snack. Zzzzzzz...
I know! If I want to get alot done, I'll write one page for every cup of coffee/piece of tobacco/shot of liquor. Well, I'll make up for this cup/piece/shot later. Shit, I'm behind 4 pages. Nevermind.
Gimmicks that do work:
I know! If I want to get alot done, I'll get started.
The robotic grocery store
It was the cry of mid 1900's industrial laborers that their jobs were being replaced by machines. They however gave no reason that their jobs shouldn’t be, beyond of course their livelihoods; which the state and capital-holders of course did not feel obliged to provide them.
This is the only point I will side with the capitalists and state on. Technology is not the enemy, and the application of technology capable of replacing labor should not be foregone to placate laborers whose skills have obviously been obsoleted.
Imagine this. One day, you walk into a grocery store and pharmacy and are greeted with 40-50 laborers, all being paid minimum wage or superficially more to keep the operation running. You need certain products, and the laborers help you locate them, check them out so that you pay their slave-master the correct amount, and send you out of the door. You have just contributed to their exploitation, the capital-owners cache of capital, all for your own welfare.
The next day, you walk into a grocery store and greeted with no people, but a completely automated, interactive interface that locates all your necessary items, accounts for all of them, collects your payments and roboticly says “thank you” when you leave.
What change has occurred? Those interested in the welfare of the grocery store have taken a tip from the unmanned laundromats, and decided that their labor could be performed by machines instead of people. Those interested in the welfare of laborers, though their hearts are initially in the right place, are outraged at the lost jobs.
What they are not considering is that these laborers were not taken out behind the dumpsters and shot dead(hopefully)- they are somewhere else. Those 40-50 laborers are now in coffee shops, bookstores and bars waiting for discussion. They are in groups plotting and scheming how to make a decent living. They are playing guitars and drums in the street to supply petty cash. They are 40-50 more people who no longer have to perform obsolete labor for a capital-holder who would gladly exploit them for longer.
Labor is not our friend. The less labor that needs to be performed by actual people, the better. Because some labor still has to be performed, it ought to be compensated justly and accounted for. But if a machine can do it, than a person doesn’t have to. This is something that should be embraced by leftists, not fought. If the mindless leftist, hater of technology, vague primitivist with unspecified anger had his way, the laborers in the grocery store would remain employed unnecessarily, perhaps being paid the full value of their labor- but at what physical cost, and why?
These displaced laborers are available to do something that is still necessary for people to do, join radical movements, or get drunk with at a bar. In all cases, they are doing something better for society than wearing out their muscles and minds on something a well-oiled machine could do.
This is the only point I will side with the capitalists and state on. Technology is not the enemy, and the application of technology capable of replacing labor should not be foregone to placate laborers whose skills have obviously been obsoleted.
Imagine this. One day, you walk into a grocery store and pharmacy and are greeted with 40-50 laborers, all being paid minimum wage or superficially more to keep the operation running. You need certain products, and the laborers help you locate them, check them out so that you pay their slave-master the correct amount, and send you out of the door. You have just contributed to their exploitation, the capital-owners cache of capital, all for your own welfare.
The next day, you walk into a grocery store and greeted with no people, but a completely automated, interactive interface that locates all your necessary items, accounts for all of them, collects your payments and roboticly says “thank you” when you leave.
What change has occurred? Those interested in the welfare of the grocery store have taken a tip from the unmanned laundromats, and decided that their labor could be performed by machines instead of people. Those interested in the welfare of laborers, though their hearts are initially in the right place, are outraged at the lost jobs.
What they are not considering is that these laborers were not taken out behind the dumpsters and shot dead(hopefully)- they are somewhere else. Those 40-50 laborers are now in coffee shops, bookstores and bars waiting for discussion. They are in groups plotting and scheming how to make a decent living. They are playing guitars and drums in the street to supply petty cash. They are 40-50 more people who no longer have to perform obsolete labor for a capital-holder who would gladly exploit them for longer.
Labor is not our friend. The less labor that needs to be performed by actual people, the better. Because some labor still has to be performed, it ought to be compensated justly and accounted for. But if a machine can do it, than a person doesn’t have to. This is something that should be embraced by leftists, not fought. If the mindless leftist, hater of technology, vague primitivist with unspecified anger had his way, the laborers in the grocery store would remain employed unnecessarily, perhaps being paid the full value of their labor- but at what physical cost, and why?
These displaced laborers are available to do something that is still necessary for people to do, join radical movements, or get drunk with at a bar. In all cases, they are doing something better for society than wearing out their muscles and minds on something a well-oiled machine could do.
Screwy Reviewy: 10 mph
This is a movie about self-described "guys from corporate america" who decide to travel across the US, from seattle to boston, on a segway(those fruity things you see cops on)
This movie would be okay if it was just simple documentations of their experiences- which are pretty interesting(follow any 3 jerk-offs on a trip and it will be), but instead it's overburdened with voice-over and covered with transitional screens.
I hate when a system of organizing a piece of film falls completely flat. One such instance is in Flight of the Conchords, when "Tuesday" or "Friday" pops up on the screen, and the viewer is forced to think "is this in one week or something?" for no reason.
This movie is partitioned with "words of wisdom" from the locals they meet on their trip, and the words or wisdom are the kind of uninspired statements that exacerbate boredom and depression rather than sooth it.
Unimpressed.
This movie would be okay if it was just simple documentations of their experiences- which are pretty interesting(follow any 3 jerk-offs on a trip and it will be), but instead it's overburdened with voice-over and covered with transitional screens.
I hate when a system of organizing a piece of film falls completely flat. One such instance is in Flight of the Conchords, when "Tuesday" or "Friday" pops up on the screen, and the viewer is forced to think "is this in one week or something?" for no reason.
This movie is partitioned with "words of wisdom" from the locals they meet on their trip, and the words or wisdom are the kind of uninspired statements that exacerbate boredom and depression rather than sooth it.
Unimpressed.
screwy reviewy: Pootie Tang
I had high hopes for this movie, which is based on a sketch from the Chris Rock show, is a parody of Blaxploitation films, and is directed by Louis C.K. All of those hopes were met.
This movie is hilarious in so many ways. What's most striking about it, to me, is it has a high production value. Made in 2001, this was right around the time many comedy movies and shows turned grungey. This movie, to me, shows the value of giving something your all. It couldn't have been the same movie without great performances, writing, and directing from all those involved(which is alot of really good comedians).
The only problem that I see is that they run out of jokes about 3/4 through the movie, and it starts to repeat itself a bit. But by that time, You're just waiting for a grand finale, and get it.
The material itself is a biography of "Pootie Tang" who is "too cool for words" and speaks in nonsense that everyone loves. Yet, he condemns destructive behavior; and because of that, he both parodies black culture and demonstrates something of a "final say" in its direction. Excellent. Download it, and watch it. Wah da tah.
This movie is hilarious in so many ways. What's most striking about it, to me, is it has a high production value. Made in 2001, this was right around the time many comedy movies and shows turned grungey. This movie, to me, shows the value of giving something your all. It couldn't have been the same movie without great performances, writing, and directing from all those involved(which is alot of really good comedians).
The only problem that I see is that they run out of jokes about 3/4 through the movie, and it starts to repeat itself a bit. But by that time, You're just waiting for a grand finale, and get it.
The material itself is a biography of "Pootie Tang" who is "too cool for words" and speaks in nonsense that everyone loves. Yet, he condemns destructive behavior; and because of that, he both parodies black culture and demonstrates something of a "final say" in its direction. Excellent. Download it, and watch it. Wah da tah.
No Appetite
I usually have an enormous appetite for food. Today, in an effort to save money on a long car trip, I only ate chocolate donut holes when I felt hunger pangs.
It worked, and when I got home planning to eat anything I could find I was surprised to find that I had very high energy and no appetite.
Since then I've drank water, and used more snus(smokeless tobacco) than I usually do, feeling more light-headed than usual. If I stop paying attention, which is happening alot, I'll start rocking in my chair.
My desire to "put out the work" is at least doubled, but my confidence is shaken, knowing that I couldn't adequately win in a fist fight or a freestyle battle right now.
My only conclusion is that This is not for me. Tomorrow I will wake up and consume the entire world.
It worked, and when I got home planning to eat anything I could find I was surprised to find that I had very high energy and no appetite.
Since then I've drank water, and used more snus(smokeless tobacco) than I usually do, feeling more light-headed than usual. If I stop paying attention, which is happening alot, I'll start rocking in my chair.
My desire to "put out the work" is at least doubled, but my confidence is shaken, knowing that I couldn't adequately win in a fist fight or a freestyle battle right now.
My only conclusion is that This is not for me. Tomorrow I will wake up and consume the entire world.
screwy reviewy: Kodiak Premium Mint Dip
This is considered a very scary product- and it is. The first time I bought a tin, opened it, and observed it in its natural habitat... I thought "hmmm... this doesn't seem that bad". That's why it's dangerous. It's a bear in tobacco's clothing.
"wrestling with the bear"(as users refer to it) feels great. It feels better than great. Somehow, your body seems to move to perform necessary tasks all on its own, and when surprises do come up, you don't care. Frustration literally seems impossible
So the only frustration arises from the product itself. It smells like mint, if mint grew testicles, and it tastes as if York peppermint patties were dehydrated, shredded, rehydrated, and cause cancer. At first it doesn't even cause that much salivation.
Only use this stuff if you are absolutely outside, or absolutely not in danger of having to swallow! I, having a job that requires constantly alternating between being outside and being inside where I absolutely can't spit(though I have in elevator shafts), was a fool to think that if caught in an emergency, I might be able to swallow some.
I've done it before with skoal products, and it kind of sucked- then I forgot about it. Swallowing Kodiak was like swallowing some kind of detergent. 5 minutes later I had painful hick-ups(really!) and 5 seconds after that... I thought, 'maybe this stuff isn't fit for human consumption, in any form'. Kodiak has a mysteriously high nicotine content, and that nicotine is more accurately delivered through a very high pH, which is unlike food products.
Kodiak did exactly what they tell you smokeless tobacco should do- it made me feel elated and struck fear into my heart. Well, maybe they don't tell you that, but that's what it did. Scary stuff. So scary that my lip is full of it right now.
P.S. this is what parents should make their kids do if they catch them using nicotine
"wrestling with the bear"(as users refer to it) feels great. It feels better than great. Somehow, your body seems to move to perform necessary tasks all on its own, and when surprises do come up, you don't care. Frustration literally seems impossible
So the only frustration arises from the product itself. It smells like mint, if mint grew testicles, and it tastes as if York peppermint patties were dehydrated, shredded, rehydrated, and cause cancer. At first it doesn't even cause that much salivation.
Only use this stuff if you are absolutely outside, or absolutely not in danger of having to swallow! I, having a job that requires constantly alternating between being outside and being inside where I absolutely can't spit(though I have in elevator shafts), was a fool to think that if caught in an emergency, I might be able to swallow some.
I've done it before with skoal products, and it kind of sucked- then I forgot about it. Swallowing Kodiak was like swallowing some kind of detergent. 5 minutes later I had painful hick-ups(really!) and 5 seconds after that... I thought, 'maybe this stuff isn't fit for human consumption, in any form'. Kodiak has a mysteriously high nicotine content, and that nicotine is more accurately delivered through a very high pH, which is unlike food products.
Kodiak did exactly what they tell you smokeless tobacco should do- it made me feel elated and struck fear into my heart. Well, maybe they don't tell you that, but that's what it did. Scary stuff. So scary that my lip is full of it right now.
P.S. this is what parents should make their kids do if they catch them using nicotine
screwy reviewy: God Grew Tired of Us.
This is a movie, more of a documentary really, that follows some Sudanese refugees. It starts with their amazing story of a malnourished trek through africa and a camp they set up in Kenya with U.N. rations. From that camp, the U.S. snatches up some of them to pay taxes in the U.S., and we follow their experiences in america afterward.
The movie makes an excellent spectacle. We get to watch the new immigrants cook crumbled ritz cracker and milk soup(sounds really good actually. Shortly after, we see the culture shock of stores being "intimidated" by the groups of 3-6 dark men attempting to patronize their stores.
Well, we don't get to see it. This movie presents their tales like a fairy tale. They mention that one of them has a mental breakdown, and they mention that americans are bothered by their presence, and finally they mention; actually the principle subject mentions that the young sudanese who have immigrated "lost their way"; and we only see briefly those youngsters acting like idiots, saying they are from "Kansas city" and showing us their bling.
Of course, if you take a big group of immigrants and follow them, some will be great citizens, most will be minor contributors to society, and some will be thugs. This movie doesn't explore that reality, however, only making some passing references to it, and then showing the golden ones amongst them.
At first this movie comes with a cultural interest angle, asking "How do immigrants from a very different place adapt?" but when any negativity begins, the movie changes gears to say "War in sudan is awful", as if we didn't know. 2 halves of a movie glued together. The first half is better.
The movie makes an excellent spectacle. We get to watch the new immigrants cook crumbled ritz cracker and milk soup(sounds really good actually. Shortly after, we see the culture shock of stores being "intimidated" by the groups of 3-6 dark men attempting to patronize their stores.
Well, we don't get to see it. This movie presents their tales like a fairy tale. They mention that one of them has a mental breakdown, and they mention that americans are bothered by their presence, and finally they mention; actually the principle subject mentions that the young sudanese who have immigrated "lost their way"; and we only see briefly those youngsters acting like idiots, saying they are from "Kansas city" and showing us their bling.
Of course, if you take a big group of immigrants and follow them, some will be great citizens, most will be minor contributors to society, and some will be thugs. This movie doesn't explore that reality, however, only making some passing references to it, and then showing the golden ones amongst them.
At first this movie comes with a cultural interest angle, asking "How do immigrants from a very different place adapt?" but when any negativity begins, the movie changes gears to say "War in sudan is awful", as if we didn't know. 2 halves of a movie glued together. The first half is better.
Nicotine: Formidable foe, or Fucking awesome?
My earliest experiences with nicotine:
1- watching my dad attempt to quit smoking cigarettes with every socially acceptable method(no nasal snuff or human sacrifice), even pretending he had quit and sneaking cigarettes, to no avail.
2- watching a video in health class that had a former minor league baseball player "speaking" on the dangers of smokeless tobacco with half his lower jaw missing. Around the same time, hearing that people I generally didn't like were users.
Because of this, I wasn't going to predispose myself to any of these eventualities: hopeless addiction, deceiving people, missing parts of my body, or being a dick; just for the sake of the effects of a very mild drug.
Regardless, I ended up smoking mini-cigars and clove-cigarettes, not inhaling; believing that I received enough effect, with little compulsion to repeat afterward. It worked! Well, at least I thought it had some effect. One day I got the courage to inhale a clove cigarette. Not only did I feel fantasic while doing it and afterward, but I wanted one the moment in was extinguished and I looked at my empty hand.
Knowing I was at a crossroads, I gave the rest of the pack to a friend who smoked, knowing that if I had just one more the battle would be lost. I won that one.
Not knowing that smokeless tobacco was deliciously flavored, I assumed it tasted like plain cigarettes- which would be disgusting. But I slowly started noticing those shiny, inviting tins in convenience stores came in about a dozen flavors- many which sounded great. I still resisted, remembering how much I enjoyed a fully functioning jaw and mouth. One day a coworker(I worked outdoors) packed a huge lip of mint skoal and started spitting because he wasn't allowed to smoke.
The battle was on again. After researching that loose-leaf tobacco(instead of shredded) had the lowest cancer risk, I found some. It was called days-o-work plug tobacco, and it instantly sent my mouth on fire. Sometimes it tasted like chocolate, other times like a demons cum. I learned to focus my senses on the pleasant flavor, control the wad in my mouth and enjoy the buzz.
The buzz honestly didn't last through the whole pack, as I needed such huge portions of this stuff that it was nauseating. Before I knew it, I had purchased "straight" skoal. I assumed "straight" meant mostly unadulterated, but this had some kind of minty shit taste. The buzz...
I didn't know what a nicotine buzz was before using dipping tobacco. putting it right in the lower lip, you can almost feel pleasure rush into your body. Notably, it made my legs feel uncoordinated, my head very light, and on a few occasions- nauseated me, not unlike drinking alcohol.
After finding a flavor that wasn't terrible(peach), I went to town. The buzz was still so intense that I didn't use much- maybe once a day. I knew that I could never go back to being a complete non-user. Though the idea of maintaining a buzz throughout the day sounded awesome, that minor league baseball player still spoke to me, letting me know it wasn't all fun and games, making me feel ashamed to try to do it more than occasionally.
And then I heard about snus- a kind of oral tobacco which is not fermented, then steam-cured, rather than fire cured. This is comparable to the difference between black and green tea- and green tea kicks ass. As it turns out, much of the cancer-causing properties of tobacco are because of it's fermentation and curing. Snus eliminates almost all of the cancer risk, while also eliminating the need for spitting!
After I found out that snus can be bought mail-order, and the price even with shipping taken into account is the same per volume as mid-grade american dip tobacco, I was defeated. Nicotine has won the battle, but is that such a bad thing?
I tell my story because I consider myself lucky. Many snus users are using it now to stop or severely cut back their smoking. I have not inhaled more than one cigarette, knowing that smokeless is an option. I am also lucky that I didn't get hooked more effectively on american dip tobacco- never really finding my "every day brand" and succumbing to the urge to do it all day. Now, I can use snus without any real pull of the weasel to go back to dip or cigarettes.
I will have only a slightly elevated risk of cancer(hardly noticeable, read up!), no need to salivate constantly like some kind of mental-deficient, and be able to get a buzz on for the rest of my life(snus is 4-15 mg nicotine per portion instead of 1-3 mg for ciggs). My shame or doubt is gone, and my snus is coming in the mail.
Though many are not as fortunate as me to be smoke-free already, I suggest this course of action for anyone who likes nicotine. Cigarettes have twice the mouth cancer risk of even american dip tobacco, without even bringing up the lung damage. The buzz is better(with the right kind of snus), and you won't have to spit.
P.S. heavy caffeine intake + smokeless tobacco is sublime
P.P.S. "camel snus" and other american brands are not as effective as their swedish counterparts. mailorder it.
1- watching my dad attempt to quit smoking cigarettes with every socially acceptable method(no nasal snuff or human sacrifice), even pretending he had quit and sneaking cigarettes, to no avail.
2- watching a video in health class that had a former minor league baseball player "speaking" on the dangers of smokeless tobacco with half his lower jaw missing. Around the same time, hearing that people I generally didn't like were users.
Because of this, I wasn't going to predispose myself to any of these eventualities: hopeless addiction, deceiving people, missing parts of my body, or being a dick; just for the sake of the effects of a very mild drug.
Regardless, I ended up smoking mini-cigars and clove-cigarettes, not inhaling; believing that I received enough effect, with little compulsion to repeat afterward. It worked! Well, at least I thought it had some effect. One day I got the courage to inhale a clove cigarette. Not only did I feel fantasic while doing it and afterward, but I wanted one the moment in was extinguished and I looked at my empty hand.
Knowing I was at a crossroads, I gave the rest of the pack to a friend who smoked, knowing that if I had just one more the battle would be lost. I won that one.
Not knowing that smokeless tobacco was deliciously flavored, I assumed it tasted like plain cigarettes- which would be disgusting. But I slowly started noticing those shiny, inviting tins in convenience stores came in about a dozen flavors- many which sounded great. I still resisted, remembering how much I enjoyed a fully functioning jaw and mouth. One day a coworker(I worked outdoors) packed a huge lip of mint skoal and started spitting because he wasn't allowed to smoke.
The battle was on again. After researching that loose-leaf tobacco(instead of shredded) had the lowest cancer risk, I found some. It was called days-o-work plug tobacco, and it instantly sent my mouth on fire. Sometimes it tasted like chocolate, other times like a demons cum. I learned to focus my senses on the pleasant flavor, control the wad in my mouth and enjoy the buzz.
The buzz honestly didn't last through the whole pack, as I needed such huge portions of this stuff that it was nauseating. Before I knew it, I had purchased "straight" skoal. I assumed "straight" meant mostly unadulterated, but this had some kind of minty shit taste. The buzz...
I didn't know what a nicotine buzz was before using dipping tobacco. putting it right in the lower lip, you can almost feel pleasure rush into your body. Notably, it made my legs feel uncoordinated, my head very light, and on a few occasions- nauseated me, not unlike drinking alcohol.
After finding a flavor that wasn't terrible(peach), I went to town. The buzz was still so intense that I didn't use much- maybe once a day. I knew that I could never go back to being a complete non-user. Though the idea of maintaining a buzz throughout the day sounded awesome, that minor league baseball player still spoke to me, letting me know it wasn't all fun and games, making me feel ashamed to try to do it more than occasionally.
And then I heard about snus- a kind of oral tobacco which is not fermented, then steam-cured, rather than fire cured. This is comparable to the difference between black and green tea- and green tea kicks ass. As it turns out, much of the cancer-causing properties of tobacco are because of it's fermentation and curing. Snus eliminates almost all of the cancer risk, while also eliminating the need for spitting!
After I found out that snus can be bought mail-order, and the price even with shipping taken into account is the same per volume as mid-grade american dip tobacco, I was defeated. Nicotine has won the battle, but is that such a bad thing?
I tell my story because I consider myself lucky. Many snus users are using it now to stop or severely cut back their smoking. I have not inhaled more than one cigarette, knowing that smokeless is an option. I am also lucky that I didn't get hooked more effectively on american dip tobacco- never really finding my "every day brand" and succumbing to the urge to do it all day. Now, I can use snus without any real pull of the weasel to go back to dip or cigarettes.
I will have only a slightly elevated risk of cancer(hardly noticeable, read up!), no need to salivate constantly like some kind of mental-deficient, and be able to get a buzz on for the rest of my life(snus is 4-15 mg nicotine per portion instead of 1-3 mg for ciggs). My shame or doubt is gone, and my snus is coming in the mail.
Though many are not as fortunate as me to be smoke-free already, I suggest this course of action for anyone who likes nicotine. Cigarettes have twice the mouth cancer risk of even american dip tobacco, without even bringing up the lung damage. The buzz is better(with the right kind of snus), and you won't have to spit.
P.S. heavy caffeine intake + smokeless tobacco is sublime
P.P.S. "camel snus" and other american brands are not as effective as their swedish counterparts. mailorder it.
IQollosal waste of time
Intelligence Quotient is a measurement, that may or may not be changeable or may or may not relate to subjective happiness or objective actions, of how well a certain person performed at answering problem-solving questions, supposedly applicable to real world tasks, as compared to others who took the test beforehand under maybe similar, but just as likely dissimilar conditions and circumstances for individual unknown reasons.
Or...
You do something, or you don't.
What's your criteria for a persons worth?
Or...
You do something, or you don't.
What's your criteria for a persons worth?
Fantasy wikipedia page
Cobe S Never Fails To Impress[1] Also known as Cobe Steels, The Human Metronome, and Cobe Soldo (June 28, 1987 – ?) was an American entertainer, musician, writer, and the subject of one of the most high-profile disappearances in contemporary American history.
In a career spanning more than 30 years, Cobe was initially known for being a cofounder and anchorman for “The New Low News Show”; a news show founded on Gonzo principles. He went on to produce music, write columns and direct films.
Mr. Never Fails To Impress fathered over 2 dozen children. He started a well-known campaign called G.A.L.O.T. "get a load of this!" in which he donated his semen to homosexual female fans who wished to have his children and raise them in same-sex couple households. Heterosexual women were denied. The organization is still run with frozen semen.
[edit] Early life
Cobe S Never Fails To Impress was born in Jessup, Maryland, on June 28, 1987 to ---censored!--- and ---censored!---.[3] When asked in an interview about his ethnic heritage, Mr. Never Fails To Impress replied "that's a stupid fucking question".[4] His family moved to
During his childhood Cobe S Never Failed To Impress entertained very violent ideas, often speculating that he was going to "blow this motherfucker[school] up" to classmates. These threats never materialized however, instead, Cobe S often urinated on his local public schools doors late at night, and occasionally in the day. Witnesses tell that he would invite them along, to "smoke some reefer". Then, apropos of nothing, Cobe S would urinate on the doors(often in excessive amounts) and say immediately afterward "I have to go now".
Cobe S Never Fails To Impress suffered asthma thouought his life. Unable to afford adequate health insurance most of the time, Mr. Impress swore by his use of "too much coffee" and epinephrine inhalers to minimize symptoms.
Cobe S Never Fails To Impress has often expressed his desire to return to high school to “drop out like I should have”.
[edit] Career:
After “The New Low News Show” got it’s start on the popular streaming-video site youtube, The American network Showtime picked it up for the fall 2009 season. Opening to lukewarm ratings, the show was rumored to have only been able to achieve a second season by the shows members going on a highly-publicized hunger strike. It then maintained a respectable popularity that continues to this day. Cobe S continued to contribute to the show until his disappearance, although he stopped anchoring in 2022.
His musical debut was his first official album with the rap “group” Sub Urban Defiance Alliance entitled “Fuck Y’all”. It was released via internet file sharing, receiving low download rates despite the popularity of the The New Low. Mr. Fails to Impress has personally referred to the unique brand of rap as "Just rap"[2], distinguished by impressive word counts(his magnum opus totaled 15,001 words), and eclectic sample sources. SUDA, as it is sometimes called, maintains a loyal cult following, with the last album as a group being released in 2025.
Mr. Never Fails To Impress began his writing career with the hyper-modernist tour-de-force “No Treason: the re-up”. It received wide critical acclaim and he continued as a regular essayist until his disappearance.
His latest work is a direct adaptation of Joseph Heller's novel "Catch-22" in episodic installments for television. The work has been criticized for being "pointless" as it is an exact copy of the story and dialogue of the novel. One critic went as far as saying “Cobe S indeed Fails To Impress… this reviewer speculates that caffeine created this, not a man”.
[edit] Sickness:
Doctors later in life found a cancerous mass on his lower lip, assumedly from his use of smokeless tobacco products. After informing him of their discovery, Cobe S Never Fails To Impress reportedly said "nah, that's not cancer". When the doctors insisted he seek treatment, he told them "I have to go now".
Cobe S recieved treatment for his cancer on live TV, being performed by his long-time collaborator Satan Himself. No anesthesia was used, instead, the only drugs involved were a liter of Wild Turkey Bourbon, consumed by Cobe S, and magic mushrooms consumed by Satan Himself, because he "was going to do shrooms that day anyhow". The cancerous mass was removed, and failed to grow further.
[edit] Disappearance:
The last time Cobe S Never Fails To Impress was seen was at a Baskin Robbins Ice Cream Shop in
Many theories exist as to Cobe’s whereabouts, spawning the The New Low News Show’s segment: “Where in the world is Cobe S Never Fails To Impress”. People who believe him to be alive are disparagingly referred to as “Alivists” by Satan Himself, who still anchors the show. Alivists often listen to old SUDA records and watch old episodes of the new low to find clues as to his current whereabouts.
Cobe's world famous cliches
When life gives you lemons, that really sucks.
Waste not, want alot.
Men are from earth, Women are the same species so they are also from earth.
Count your chickens before they hatch.
Early to bed, early to rise is an interesting sleep schedule.
Beer before liquor seems like an ineffectual way to become intoxicated. Liquor before beer is slightly better.
Work very little, Play when you feel like it.
All issues are black and white.
Better to have never loved at all than to have loved and lost.
Coffee in the morning makes me feel alright, coffee in the evening also makes me feel alright.
Women: you can live with them if they're agreeable; you can also live without them if you find that suits you better.
Life's pretty interesting and then you'll probably die.
Waste not, want alot.
Men are from earth, Women are the same species so they are also from earth.
Count your chickens before they hatch.
Early to bed, early to rise is an interesting sleep schedule.
Beer before liquor seems like an ineffectual way to become intoxicated. Liquor before beer is slightly better.
Work very little, Play when you feel like it.
All issues are black and white.
Better to have never loved at all than to have loved and lost.
Coffee in the morning makes me feel alright, coffee in the evening also makes me feel alright.
Women: you can live with them if they're agreeable; you can also live without them if you find that suits you better.
Life's pretty interesting and then you'll probably die.
screwy reviewy: An American Crime (movie)
I really didn't know what to expect when I began watching this film over supper. I briefly read half of the NetFlix-provided description, absorbing only "the true story of the torture and..." and put it in. I figured that I had seen really dark movies before, and this would simply be another one.
I had no idea what I was in for. The plot begins with a father dropping off his 2 young girls to the care of a woman he had never known before, who has 7 children of her own, and agrees to pay her $20 a week. Slapping starts off the abuse pictured within this movie- and it simply spirals from there. At first the abusive foster mother appears to be equal-oppurtunity, but quickly she singles out one of her 2 foster children. The first time the girl is beaten, she has her own daughter do it, while her very young son holds her down.
What is so spooky about this movie is just that- the woman is not doing alot of the abusing- she's simply instructing others to do it. All of them give her second looks, but when yelled at, simply follow orders. This seems to climax in a scene when the mother forces the young girl to put a coke bottle in her vagina- while all the children watch. 2 older children come into the home, and demand to know what's going on. Instead of the situation diffusing, the girl gets thrown down the stairs and locked in the basement. The mother tells everyone that she was sent to "juvi". Meanwhile, she appears to make moves on a young boy who has a crush on the missing young girl.
The kids in the neighborhood gradually learn that the girl is locked in the basement, and at the prompting of some of the woman's own children(in particular the youngest boy), they all begin torturing her. It starts with cigarette burns, and then anything you can imagine. This is where the movie started making my heart beat out of my chest, and my arms shake. The first time a neighborhood kid(unrelated to the situation) hits her, it took me by amazing surprise.
The situation(which is a completely true story) is clearly illustrating that people will do what they're told, or what the group is doing, as well as the possible sadism inherent in all people. While those are good subjects to touch on(they usually use nazi germany as the example)- it's fucking creepy to actually see it, undecorated.
2 false salvations for the tortured girl occur, and they both are truly cruel to the viewer. One is when a social worker visits the home, asking to see the girl. The woman simply tells him that she "was sent to juvi", while she acts very faint. He simply says he "wants to see her in his office" and leaves! The entire movie up to this point, is the viewer waiting for this horrible situation to be discovered. Right afterwards, as if that wasn't bad enough, the woman writes "I'm a prostitute and proud of it" on the girls stomach, while neighborhood kids watch. She then forces the children to heat up a needle. She brands the first 1 or 2 lines into her stomach, while children watch, and then passes the needle to the boy who has a crush on her. He says "I can't do it", she says "please", but then goes up the stairs. At this point, I assumed that the boy and the children wouldn't continue, knowing that the woman wasn't in the room anymore, and that is was crazy. Instead, the boy does it.
It was actually hard to continue watching after that. This is the only time I've felt that way. When the boy brands the girl's stomach, he looks concerned- which makes it even worse. He looks like "what the hell am I doing?", but he does it anyway. At this point, I figure that has to be the climax of the abuse. I think I am proved correct, as the girls sister rescues her, and puts her in the custody of the boy who has a crush on her. He apologizes, and drives her to her real parents. Her parents go back to the womans house, with their daughter in the car. The daughter says "I have to do this" and walks in alone! At this point, I knew that something was terribly wrong, as her parents weren't going in with her and hadn't called the police.
At this point, the girl walks in on a scene of her own corpse being prompted by the other children to "come on, breath!", as the woman just passively insists "she's fakin...she's fakin". I knew at this point this was the end, and the "rescue" by her sister was all a dream. Not only is it the first dream or hallucination in the movie- so it can't be anticipated, but it's the second time you think the girl will escape with her life. She doesn't.
The ending is simply the last testimony from those involved- involving the children telling the court "I was just doing what I was told" or "I don't know" when asked why they tortured her, and the woman denying what happened. Then she is sentenced to life in prison. The tortured girl narrates at the end from beyond the grave, seemingly apologetic for the abusive woman- which drives me nuts because not only is it a complete conjecture of the girls actual opinion(because she's dead), but because they also mention afterwards that the woman "took responsibility" for the events much later in life, as if that was good enough. The little girl says she herself "went back the the carnival, where I always felt safe" which pisses me off even further, because she didn't. She just died and that was it, and this ending insinuates some kind of heaven eternity.
The movie saves itself slightly in my eyes by the little girls narration saying something like "Pastor ____ always said god has a plan in everything, but I can't see the plan in this"... clearly commenting on the absurdity and purposelessness of abuse and circumstance. They mention that most of the kids who tortured her got at least a couple years in jail- but that the mother got out on her life sentence(from 65) in 1985 on parole and died in 1990.
This movie was painful to watch, and had an incredibly frustrating end. From about the last half on, you really couldn't tell if there was going to be a happy ending. First the viewer roots for the girl being saved, then for the kids to stop the torture, then for the abusive woman to die or get locked up forever. None of those things end up happening. Though this is a true story, so they couldn't invent a happy ending, this is the only time I wish with all my heart that there had been one. Ultimately, I'm shocked (I was physically shooken up for about 45 minutes afterward). I have no problem with portraying human darkness in a movie if neccesary, but I have the sneaking suspicion that this darkness has absolutely no point.\
P.S. WTF?
I had no idea what I was in for. The plot begins with a father dropping off his 2 young girls to the care of a woman he had never known before, who has 7 children of her own, and agrees to pay her $20 a week. Slapping starts off the abuse pictured within this movie- and it simply spirals from there. At first the abusive foster mother appears to be equal-oppurtunity, but quickly she singles out one of her 2 foster children. The first time the girl is beaten, she has her own daughter do it, while her very young son holds her down.
What is so spooky about this movie is just that- the woman is not doing alot of the abusing- she's simply instructing others to do it. All of them give her second looks, but when yelled at, simply follow orders. This seems to climax in a scene when the mother forces the young girl to put a coke bottle in her vagina- while all the children watch. 2 older children come into the home, and demand to know what's going on. Instead of the situation diffusing, the girl gets thrown down the stairs and locked in the basement. The mother tells everyone that she was sent to "juvi". Meanwhile, she appears to make moves on a young boy who has a crush on the missing young girl.
The kids in the neighborhood gradually learn that the girl is locked in the basement, and at the prompting of some of the woman's own children(in particular the youngest boy), they all begin torturing her. It starts with cigarette burns, and then anything you can imagine. This is where the movie started making my heart beat out of my chest, and my arms shake. The first time a neighborhood kid(unrelated to the situation) hits her, it took me by amazing surprise.
The situation(which is a completely true story) is clearly illustrating that people will do what they're told, or what the group is doing, as well as the possible sadism inherent in all people. While those are good subjects to touch on(they usually use nazi germany as the example)- it's fucking creepy to actually see it, undecorated.
2 false salvations for the tortured girl occur, and they both are truly cruel to the viewer. One is when a social worker visits the home, asking to see the girl. The woman simply tells him that she "was sent to juvi", while she acts very faint. He simply says he "wants to see her in his office" and leaves! The entire movie up to this point, is the viewer waiting for this horrible situation to be discovered. Right afterwards, as if that wasn't bad enough, the woman writes "I'm a prostitute and proud of it" on the girls stomach, while neighborhood kids watch. She then forces the children to heat up a needle. She brands the first 1 or 2 lines into her stomach, while children watch, and then passes the needle to the boy who has a crush on her. He says "I can't do it", she says "please", but then goes up the stairs. At this point, I assumed that the boy and the children wouldn't continue, knowing that the woman wasn't in the room anymore, and that is was crazy. Instead, the boy does it.
It was actually hard to continue watching after that. This is the only time I've felt that way. When the boy brands the girl's stomach, he looks concerned- which makes it even worse. He looks like "what the hell am I doing?", but he does it anyway. At this point, I figure that has to be the climax of the abuse. I think I am proved correct, as the girls sister rescues her, and puts her in the custody of the boy who has a crush on her. He apologizes, and drives her to her real parents. Her parents go back to the womans house, with their daughter in the car. The daughter says "I have to do this" and walks in alone! At this point, I knew that something was terribly wrong, as her parents weren't going in with her and hadn't called the police.
At this point, the girl walks in on a scene of her own corpse being prompted by the other children to "come on, breath!", as the woman just passively insists "she's fakin...she's fakin". I knew at this point this was the end, and the "rescue" by her sister was all a dream. Not only is it the first dream or hallucination in the movie- so it can't be anticipated, but it's the second time you think the girl will escape with her life. She doesn't.
The ending is simply the last testimony from those involved- involving the children telling the court "I was just doing what I was told" or "I don't know" when asked why they tortured her, and the woman denying what happened. Then she is sentenced to life in prison. The tortured girl narrates at the end from beyond the grave, seemingly apologetic for the abusive woman- which drives me nuts because not only is it a complete conjecture of the girls actual opinion(because she's dead), but because they also mention afterwards that the woman "took responsibility" for the events much later in life, as if that was good enough. The little girl says she herself "went back the the carnival, where I always felt safe" which pisses me off even further, because she didn't. She just died and that was it, and this ending insinuates some kind of heaven eternity.
The movie saves itself slightly in my eyes by the little girls narration saying something like "Pastor ____ always said god has a plan in everything, but I can't see the plan in this"... clearly commenting on the absurdity and purposelessness of abuse and circumstance. They mention that most of the kids who tortured her got at least a couple years in jail- but that the mother got out on her life sentence(from 65) in 1985 on parole and died in 1990.
This movie was painful to watch, and had an incredibly frustrating end. From about the last half on, you really couldn't tell if there was going to be a happy ending. First the viewer roots for the girl being saved, then for the kids to stop the torture, then for the abusive woman to die or get locked up forever. None of those things end up happening. Though this is a true story, so they couldn't invent a happy ending, this is the only time I wish with all my heart that there had been one. Ultimately, I'm shocked (I was physically shooken up for about 45 minutes afterward). I have no problem with portraying human darkness in a movie if neccesary, but I have the sneaking suspicion that this darkness has absolutely no point.\
P.S. WTF?
ways to avoid working on a project:
-'I haven't had much sleep, I'll get a good nights sleep tonight and be fresh tomorrow'
-'I should read more about it before I start'(immediately afterward, don't read about it)
-'time to eat', then 'time for coffee', then 'time for a night-cap'(buys you an entire evening)
-'hmmm... a friend called me a few weeks ago, I bet he's sitting patiently waiting for my call'.
-'time to check my email', then 'time to check facebook', then 'time to check the news', then 'time to look up futurama episode guide on wikipedia'.
-'this netflix dvd needs to go back soon, so I'll go ahead and fulfill my duty to watch it'
-'I could work, but I have to finish reading this book, and reading is always mental enrichment.'
-'Well, I still have that blog post to write, and I don't want to let down Graham Andrews, Zach Wilson, Jon Feng and Alex Greenland'
-'I should read more about it before I start'(immediately afterward, don't read about it)
-'time to eat', then 'time for coffee', then 'time for a night-cap'(buys you an entire evening)
-'hmmm... a friend called me a few weeks ago, I bet he's sitting patiently waiting for my call'.
-'time to check my email', then 'time to check facebook', then 'time to check the news', then 'time to look up futurama episode guide on wikipedia'.
-'this netflix dvd needs to go back soon, so I'll go ahead and fulfill my duty to watch it'
-'I could work, but I have to finish reading this book, and reading is always mental enrichment.'
-'Well, I still have that blog post to write, and I don't want to let down Graham Andrews, Zach Wilson, Jon Feng and Alex Greenland'
get your head out of obama's ass
I am truly elated that John McCain wasn't elected president. I'm elated that there is not, and never will be, a president John McCain to draft me to "fight" a "war" in Iraq or Iran(also called the "armpit"... not of anything... just the armpit). For this piece of mind, I have Barack Obama to thank- the only person in the democratic party with enough charisma to beat a mean-spirited old man with an unattractive sounding political platform.
That, however, is all I have to thank him for. I won't thank him for all the things I assume he'll do, but in actuality can't, and doesn't intend to anyhow. Why? Because I'm not racist, despite what I'm about to say.
Voters elected a president for the U.S.A., not a baby daddy. Barack Obama, despite being black. Isn't that cool. He has no intention to legalize cannabis, release drug offenders from prison, provide a citizens wage to alleviate poverty, or even provide universal healthcare. He's not the mythical electable leftist, he's a centrist, and if he were white, he wouldn've been forgotten at the primary debates like more qualified candidates Bill Rochardson, Dennis Kucinich and Mike Gravel.
If you have Obama fever, be prepared for a cold sweat. He's not king; he can't do anything unilaterally. Even if he did take strong progressive positions with the democratic-majority congress, they wouldn't follow suit, because they're all megalomaniacs and corporate whores. The system is just as inaffectual as it's always been- the only difference is that now the people are daring to be even more complacent with a vapid symbol for their figurehead.
Don't believe the hype.
That, however, is all I have to thank him for. I won't thank him for all the things I assume he'll do, but in actuality can't, and doesn't intend to anyhow. Why? Because I'm not racist, despite what I'm about to say.
Voters elected a president for the U.S.A., not a baby daddy. Barack Obama, despite being black. Isn't that cool. He has no intention to legalize cannabis, release drug offenders from prison, provide a citizens wage to alleviate poverty, or even provide universal healthcare. He's not the mythical electable leftist, he's a centrist, and if he were white, he wouldn've been forgotten at the primary debates like more qualified candidates Bill Rochardson, Dennis Kucinich and Mike Gravel.
If you have Obama fever, be prepared for a cold sweat. He's not king; he can't do anything unilaterally. Even if he did take strong progressive positions with the democratic-majority congress, they wouldn't follow suit, because they're all megalomaniacs and corporate whores. The system is just as inaffectual as it's always been- the only difference is that now the people are daring to be even more complacent with a vapid symbol for their figurehead.
Don't believe the hype.
Election Day Coverage
It's election day, November 4th 2008. I am currently in Winston-Salem, NC. I woke up at 6AM, which I am trying to make a habit. I reset my alarm for 7:30 immediately afterward, anticipating that I would need all my strength to fully take in this "historic" day.
I listened to public radio, which has up-to-date election coverage. Of course all there is to cover before votes are counted is "people are voting", "people are having trouble voting", or "this is important, important shit". I listened to every bit of it, while I checked wikipedia for more up-to-date coverage. I assume wikipedia, being able to be edited by anyone else listening to public radio, would somehow offer even more up-to-date info. Wikipedia's current info essentially lists polling results, and from that speculates which states are "battleground" states.
North Carolina is one of those battlegrounds states. Obama has been shown in polls to possess a 1-2% lead, which is counterintuitive as it has voted for the republican nominee in previous elections since modern conservatism(militant neo-liberalism) has been out of the closet. I voted 3 days ago. For local political clowns, I did the "monkey-wrench" vote, with little forethought. For every candidate who controlled money, I voted conservative, and for every candidate who controlled social policy, I voted liberal. Wherever there was a Libertarian candidate, I voted for them on the (un)safe assumption that they would do better to protect civil rights. If my vote were mandate, then government would be unable to do much of anything at all. That's the idea.
I went to work, a food delivery job, at 11AM. Before arriving, I put a pouch of apple-blend Skoal smokeless tobacco in my lower lip. It was the patriotic thing to do. I spent the day leaving as soon as possible, staying out for as long as possible, and when I had to return to the store- spending unneccesary time in the bathroom and hard-to-be-seen-in corners so that I wasn't asked to do work. It was the patriotic thing to do. I felt "buzzed" from nicotine all day, stole sweet-tea to rehydrate myself often, and left early. It was the patriotic thing to do.
Upon arriving home, I re-heated leftovers and ate them, along with bourbon and coffee. I again turned on public radio, but instead of election coverage, I heard a segment on the sources and treatment of migraine headaches. It was a relief, ironically. Shortly thereafter, election "coverage" resumed. I decided to cover my time on election day, just to have an accurate picture of life on this day to someone researching american life, history, elections, or Cobe Soldo in the future.
I now intend to find a friends house with a TV-antennae, hunker down, continue my consumption of bourbon, and watch the election results. It's the patriotic thing to do.
I never found a TV- It's like I live in the stone-age. I did, however, continue my consumption of bourbon- it's like I live last century. I turned on public radio once again(which I pledge to never do hereafter). Results were slow, so I decided to go pick up a pizza. When I got home, in addition to eating said pizza, I decided to start watching a disk of Trailer Park Boys that I got with NetFlix. It's the patriotic thing to do.
When I was finished, I tuned back into public radio, as well as finding BBC coverage of the election online. I put it on mute while I listened to NPR. The "live feed" BBC set up was pretty unimpressive, so I started drinking more heavily. When I returned from the kitchen, as if by magic, the election had just been called for Barack Obama, and all the goodies ensued: a concession speech, an acceptance speech, and commentary I could've written if I had been given $10 and a reason.
While McCain was giving his concession, an interesting sensory mishap occured- BBC's video coverage materialized a few seconds slower than NPR's audio coverage. As a result, the entire event appeared phony. The emotions, which I heard ahead of time, had time to play in my psyche before I saw the very disgenuine faces morphed to match them.
This sensation continued until NPR decided to call it quits, very literally, and reverted to orchestral music(which was far more interesting). I've stayed awake and waited for the results of the election in North Carolina, for curiosities sake, but have not been graced with it yet. I heard that McCain was ahead with a few thousand votes, then Obama, and now I don't care because it's a moot point anyhow, even though I was "involved" somehow.
I will now go back to watching Trailer Park Boys, have some snacks, and P.T.F.O(pass the fuck out). It's the patriotic thing to do. Good night, and Good luck.
I listened to public radio, which has up-to-date election coverage. Of course all there is to cover before votes are counted is "people are voting", "people are having trouble voting", or "this is important, important shit". I listened to every bit of it, while I checked wikipedia for more up-to-date coverage. I assume wikipedia, being able to be edited by anyone else listening to public radio, would somehow offer even more up-to-date info. Wikipedia's current info essentially lists polling results, and from that speculates which states are "battleground" states.
North Carolina is one of those battlegrounds states. Obama has been shown in polls to possess a 1-2% lead, which is counterintuitive as it has voted for the republican nominee in previous elections since modern conservatism(militant neo-liberalism) has been out of the closet. I voted 3 days ago. For local political clowns, I did the "monkey-wrench" vote, with little forethought. For every candidate who controlled money, I voted conservative, and for every candidate who controlled social policy, I voted liberal. Wherever there was a Libertarian candidate, I voted for them on the (un)safe assumption that they would do better to protect civil rights. If my vote were mandate, then government would be unable to do much of anything at all. That's the idea.
I went to work, a food delivery job, at 11AM. Before arriving, I put a pouch of apple-blend Skoal smokeless tobacco in my lower lip. It was the patriotic thing to do. I spent the day leaving as soon as possible, staying out for as long as possible, and when I had to return to the store- spending unneccesary time in the bathroom and hard-to-be-seen-in corners so that I wasn't asked to do work. It was the patriotic thing to do. I felt "buzzed" from nicotine all day, stole sweet-tea to rehydrate myself often, and left early. It was the patriotic thing to do.
Upon arriving home, I re-heated leftovers and ate them, along with bourbon and coffee. I again turned on public radio, but instead of election coverage, I heard a segment on the sources and treatment of migraine headaches. It was a relief, ironically. Shortly thereafter, election "coverage" resumed. I decided to cover my time on election day, just to have an accurate picture of life on this day to someone researching american life, history, elections, or Cobe Soldo in the future.
I now intend to find a friends house with a TV-antennae, hunker down, continue my consumption of bourbon, and watch the election results. It's the patriotic thing to do.
I never found a TV- It's like I live in the stone-age. I did, however, continue my consumption of bourbon- it's like I live last century. I turned on public radio once again(which I pledge to never do hereafter). Results were slow, so I decided to go pick up a pizza. When I got home, in addition to eating said pizza, I decided to start watching a disk of Trailer Park Boys that I got with NetFlix. It's the patriotic thing to do.
When I was finished, I tuned back into public radio, as well as finding BBC coverage of the election online. I put it on mute while I listened to NPR. The "live feed" BBC set up was pretty unimpressive, so I started drinking more heavily. When I returned from the kitchen, as if by magic, the election had just been called for Barack Obama, and all the goodies ensued: a concession speech, an acceptance speech, and commentary I could've written if I had been given $10 and a reason.
While McCain was giving his concession, an interesting sensory mishap occured- BBC's video coverage materialized a few seconds slower than NPR's audio coverage. As a result, the entire event appeared phony. The emotions, which I heard ahead of time, had time to play in my psyche before I saw the very disgenuine faces morphed to match them.
This sensation continued until NPR decided to call it quits, very literally, and reverted to orchestral music(which was far more interesting). I've stayed awake and waited for the results of the election in North Carolina, for curiosities sake, but have not been graced with it yet. I heard that McCain was ahead with a few thousand votes, then Obama, and now I don't care because it's a moot point anyhow, even though I was "involved" somehow.
I will now go back to watching Trailer Park Boys, have some snacks, and P.T.F.O(pass the fuck out). It's the patriotic thing to do. Good night, and Good luck.
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