I just moved into a rented home, and a natural result of this is that we get the old tenants mail. Among this mail is "parenting" magazine which I of course read cover to cover in order to feel superior to the creators, writers and readership.
something I'd like to share with you is a recipe called "escape in a mug". It is written and punctuated exactly as follows:
Escape in a mug
"2 Cups apple cider
2 cinnamon sticks
1 orange wedge
4 whole cloves
Splash spiced rum
(optional)
1. In a Small saucepan, combine
cider, cinnamon sticks, orange,
and cloves. Bring to a boil over
medium-high heat.
2. Remove from heat and let stand,
covered, for 5 minutes. Remove
cloves and orange, and pour cider
into 2 mugs, garnishing each with
a cinnamon stick. Add rum, if desired."
As soon as anyone presents a recipe for "escape in -drink container-" we know exactly what they're talking about. They didn't call this recipe "tasty cidery shit in a mug", they called it "escape-". Why be so apprehensive about the escapist purpose of alcohol with language like "optional" and "if desired"? Certainly everything in the recipe is exactly as "if desired" as the rum.
To whatever drunkard authored this recipe in parenting magazine, be up front. Acknowledge that sometimes mommy need to get a buzz on so she doesn't beat little Johnny for stealing skittles from the Wal-mart. Don't pretend like anyone can "escape" with a bunch of cake-recipe spices and apple juice heated up in a pan, no matter how good it tastes. They may need rum, and quite an elaphantine "splash" of rum, to escape the hell of parenting.
ABC stores: north carolina's black eye
North Carolina regulates hard liquor, or as they call it: "spiritous distillations". The way they do this is by running ABC(alcohol board of control) stores, and making illegal all private selling of spiritous distillations.
I wouldn't be too surprised if this was the way of life in Uzbekistan or California, but this is North Carolina we're talking about. One of the only states that has refused to give into the anti-gun, and anti-cigarette, and other anti-fun campaigns. The cultural attitude here is to be suspicious of all government interference and fight new taxes as if they funded murder(oh wait, they do).
Which leaves me asking why alcohol is the particular "neat thing" that they've decided to hate on. I can only assume it is a regional, appalachia-esque vibe of "my granddaddy used to drink, and then he ran over my cousin with the tractor for calling him a fat ass". The ABC's express purpose, as expressed by them, is to "regulate the sale of -insert antiquated term for hooch-".
Regulate how? It's not as if they insert a chip into drunk drivers, violent people, and native americans that sounds a warning alarm whenever they enter the store. They don't regulate out of any public safety concern, which would be their only(still ridiculous) reason to. They "regulate" only to be the only stores and charge whatever they like(average 1-5 dollars more than prices in MD).
What's sad is that people who've lived here all their life respond to the idea of privately owned liquor stores as if they were a fairy tale; some far away, distant utopia. They are unaware that their state only has this reidiculous system because of prohibition. The local laws stood up after prohibition ended, and lawmakers piggy-backed a ridiculous cultural stigma of alcohol in order to make sure the state solely profits from it's sale.
NC is known for it's low taxes, only if one ignores the $300 speeding tickets, and the extra few dollars it makes on every handle of bottom-shelf booze straight out of drinkers pockets. Don't believe the hype.
B
I wouldn't be too surprised if this was the way of life in Uzbekistan or California, but this is North Carolina we're talking about. One of the only states that has refused to give into the anti-gun, and anti-cigarette, and other anti-fun campaigns. The cultural attitude here is to be suspicious of all government interference and fight new taxes as if they funded murder(oh wait, they do).
Which leaves me asking why alcohol is the particular "neat thing" that they've decided to hate on. I can only assume it is a regional, appalachia-esque vibe of "my granddaddy used to drink, and then he ran over my cousin with the tractor for calling him a fat ass". The ABC's express purpose, as expressed by them, is to "regulate the sale of -insert antiquated term for hooch-".
Regulate how? It's not as if they insert a chip into drunk drivers, violent people, and native americans that sounds a warning alarm whenever they enter the store. They don't regulate out of any public safety concern, which would be their only(still ridiculous) reason to. They "regulate" only to be the only stores and charge whatever they like(average 1-5 dollars more than prices in MD).
What's sad is that people who've lived here all their life respond to the idea of privately owned liquor stores as if they were a fairy tale; some far away, distant utopia. They are unaware that their state only has this reidiculous system because of prohibition. The local laws stood up after prohibition ended, and lawmakers piggy-backed a ridiculous cultural stigma of alcohol in order to make sure the state solely profits from it's sale.
NC is known for it's low taxes, only if one ignores the $300 speeding tickets, and the extra few dollars it makes on every handle of bottom-shelf booze straight out of drinkers pockets. Don't believe the hype.
B
cobe's world famous jokes
Q: why do black people buy congac instead of brandy?
A: because they want to feel rich after centuries of oppression
Q: What do you call a dead baby?
A: A tragedy
Q: Why do truckers have "handles"?
A: because it's amusing, and they work long hours with no human contact
Q: why don't blacks marry puerto ricans?
A: because of cultural barriers
Q: Why are hippies high all the time and smell like shit?
A: because they are better at prioritizing their life than you
Q: what do you call a white guy on a boat?
A: suspicious
Q: why are gas prices so high?
A: because of many factors both in the international and local market
Q: Why do asians love to eat rice?
A: because it's a very nutritious, economical, and easy to grow foodstuff
Q: Why is the homeless man drunk on fortified wine all the time?
A: because it feels better than being sober, fortified wine is very cheap, and he doesn't have operate heavy machinery
Q: what do you call a few dead kittens in the coffee maker?
A: A prank in the veterinarian break room
A: because they want to feel rich after centuries of oppression
Q: What do you call a dead baby?
A: A tragedy
Q: Why do truckers have "handles"?
A: because it's amusing, and they work long hours with no human contact
Q: why don't blacks marry puerto ricans?
A: because of cultural barriers
Q: Why are hippies high all the time and smell like shit?
A: because they are better at prioritizing their life than you
Q: what do you call a white guy on a boat?
A: suspicious
Q: why are gas prices so high?
A: because of many factors both in the international and local market
Q: Why do asians love to eat rice?
A: because it's a very nutritious, economical, and easy to grow foodstuff
Q: Why is the homeless man drunk on fortified wine all the time?
A: because it feels better than being sober, fortified wine is very cheap, and he doesn't have operate heavy machinery
Q: what do you call a few dead kittens in the coffee maker?
A: A prank in the veterinarian break room
dipping poetry
strangely, there's very little(if any) poetry written about throwing a lip in. So I wrote some
The first one hurts but makes you feel dandy
the second one's warm and tastes like candy
the third is cool but the drool makes you angry
the next can replace a snifter of brandy
now you can't call me low-class. I wrote a poem.
The first one hurts but makes you feel dandy
the second one's warm and tastes like candy
the third is cool but the drool makes you angry
the next can replace a snifter of brandy
now you can't call me low-class. I wrote a poem.
ugly old man
I want to be
an ugly old man,
with rough skin and brown teeth
it shows I was bold
I wondered and I planned,
how to win- 'till I was beat
I don't mind
if they stare and their scared
as far as I'm concerned, they should be
It'll be my turn
to yell from my chair
at the nurses, while I have a woody
I'll shrivel and twist
to the form of a prune
while no one comes to visit
I hope I get
all the time to myself
to laugh as I count the obits
an ugly old man,
with rough skin and brown teeth
it shows I was bold
I wondered and I planned,
how to win- 'till I was beat
I don't mind
if they stare and their scared
as far as I'm concerned, they should be
It'll be my turn
to yell from my chair
at the nurses, while I have a woody
I'll shrivel and twist
to the form of a prune
while no one comes to visit
I hope I get
all the time to myself
to laugh as I count the obits
love loop 1
"you don't love me", she said
"that's not true", he said, "why else would I comfort you"?
"that's what they all said" she said
"who?" he asked
"all of my boyfriends before you", she replied, and added "and they left me"
"you think I'm lying, or I'm going to leave you"? He exclaimed
"yes" she answered
"then you don't love me" he said
"that's not true", she said, "why else would I comfort you"?
"that's what they all said" he said
"who?" she asked
"all of my girlfriends before you", he replied, and added "and they left me"
"you think I'm lying, or I'm going to leave you"? she exclaimed
"yes" he answered
"then you don't love me" she said
"that's not true", he said, "why else would I comfort you"?
"that's not true", he said, "why else would I comfort you"?
"that's what they all said" she said
"who?" he asked
"all of my boyfriends before you", she replied, and added "and they left me"
"you think I'm lying, or I'm going to leave you"? He exclaimed
"yes" she answered
"then you don't love me" he said
"that's not true", she said, "why else would I comfort you"?
"that's what they all said" he said
"who?" she asked
"all of my girlfriends before you", he replied, and added "and they left me"
"you think I'm lying, or I'm going to leave you"? she exclaimed
"yes" he answered
"then you don't love me" she said
"that's not true", he said, "why else would I comfort you"?
morning time
Every morning I ask myself "why should I get out of bed?". Here are some of the most common answers:
-coffffeee....sweet -but in actuality bitter- cofffeee...
-need to urinate. maybe if I turn on this side the feeling will go away. ahhhhh!!...fuck. it's back. please stop please stop please stop FINE! I'll go whiz.
-wow! a woman in the bed next to me! let's see if she reacts to stimuli... she does! she's alive! life is okay, momentarily. I'm going to feed her so she sticks around.
-time to arise, arise AND LIVE, LIVE... LIKE NEVER BEFORE!!!*
-holy shit, am I hungry or is world war 3 beginning in my G.I. tract?
-how did I get to sleep last night? wow, I'm wearing nothing but a hat, suspenders, shoes and socks. ha! I must have been really intoxicated. life is absurd. let's see what other surprises await me...
-wow! a hard-on! time to whack it! WHACK IT LIKE NEVER BEFORE!!!!
-I'm late for an appointment with 2 christian gentlemen who happen to be brothers.**
-holy shit. Someone else is making breakfast. I'm going to pretend to sleep until it's done and then eat it
-I wonder what Yossarian*** and the gang have been up to since I fell asleep...
_____
*2 or 3 times in my life, total
**substituate a Mr. Jim Beam, Mr. Johnnie Walker, a Turkey that's wild, a Mr. Facundo Bacardi, a certain Saint named Ide, a Dog who's Mad, etcetera
***substitute Penn Jillette, Huey Freeman, Jeffrey Lebowski, Dexter Morgan, 2 christian gentlemen who happen to be brothers, etcetera
-need to urinate. maybe if I turn on this side the feeling will go away.
being quiet
typically, I've been very quiet when I'm working at jobs. The reasons are many. Initially, I'm simply feeling out the personalities of those around me- which has saved my ass. If I find out someone hates anarchists/drinkers/rappers- then I know to never let them know what I do 10 minutes after I'm off the clock.
After that, It's just interesting. People respond to a silent person in almost infinite ways. The most common seems to be that people think you're smart, because you're always in your own thoughts. But not everyone. Some think you're really stupid, because you're not crafty at conversation. Some think you're really nice, because you're not stepping on anyones toes, and some think you're really mean, because you won't engage them on important issues like "what's up?" or "How's it going?"
Peoples reactions aside, you learn alot in a corner not speaking. When you are essentially not involved in any important conversation, people will show their true colors. Not only that, but not being exhausted from a current or previous social interaction leaves your ears wide open even when your eyes are averted and you're minding your own business. Evesdropping is hard to avoid. The quiet guy(if his brain is fuly functional) knows alot more about you than you think.
___
Post Script: This only holds true if you start out with a new group of people being the quiet guy. If you turn quiet and refuse to explain, they'll think you're on smack.
After that, It's just interesting. People respond to a silent person in almost infinite ways. The most common seems to be that people think you're smart, because you're always in your own thoughts. But not everyone. Some think you're really stupid, because you're not crafty at conversation. Some think you're really nice, because you're not stepping on anyones toes, and some think you're really mean, because you won't engage them on important issues like "what's up?" or "How's it going?"
Peoples reactions aside, you learn alot in a corner not speaking. When you are essentially not involved in any important conversation, people will show their true colors. Not only that, but not being exhausted from a current or previous social interaction leaves your ears wide open even when your eyes are averted and you're minding your own business. Evesdropping is hard to avoid. The quiet guy(if his brain is fuly functional) knows alot more about you than you think.
___
Post Script: This only holds true if you start out with a new group of people being the quiet guy. If you turn quiet and refuse to explain, they'll think you're on smack.
addiction
'man, I could go for a drink. Wait a second, am I addicted? Well, I could be, but maybe I just really could go for a drink. I don't need a drink. I'm not going to have one, because I'm in control'
an hour and a half passes
'see! I didn't need to drink! I was fine without it. That deserves a drink! Wait a second, am I just justifying my chemical dependency? Well, what's wrong with a chemical dependency, anyhow? I'm going to have some drinks, and then I'm going to do everything like I normally so, because I'm in control'
an hour passes
'wow, I've done alot, considering I'm drunk. I'm going to get really drunk now, just to celebrate. Wait a second, am I just using any excuse I can to get drunk? Well, probably, but I haven't hurt anyone, so what's the harm in feeling really good while I'm doing other things? Absolutely nothing. I'm in control.'
40 minutes passes
'Wby doesn't everyone in the world do this? SEriously, alchoghol is better than anything. Look at me! I'm a basdass, and I've been drink for a dling time. I'm never doing to regret doing thigns agian. I may be addicted, but who gives a shit? wI', m in contrall'
an hour and a half passes
'see! I didn't need to drink! I was fine without it. That deserves a drink! Wait a second, am I just justifying my chemical dependency? Well, what's wrong with a chemical dependency, anyhow? I'm going to have some drinks, and then I'm going to do everything like I normally so, because I'm in control'
an hour passes
'wow, I've done alot, considering I'm drunk. I'm going to get really drunk now, just to celebrate. Wait a second, am I just using any excuse I can to get drunk? Well, probably, but I haven't hurt anyone, so what's the harm in feeling really good while I'm doing other things? Absolutely nothing. I'm in control.'
40 minutes passes
'Wby doesn't everyone in the world do this? SEriously, alchoghol is better than anything. Look at me! I'm a basdass, and I've been drink for a dling time. I'm never doing to regret doing thigns agian. I may be addicted, but who gives a shit? wI', m in contrall'
flakes
There are many ways a person expresses guilt without exactly saying so. Example:
"this is a filthy/bad habit"
"I don't usually do this that much"
"I'll pay for this tomorrow"
"I don't do this like I used to"
Any of these phrases express a weakness of character. Not because of the persons "bad" action, but because they refuse to state any convictions.
Guilt is nothing wrong, if the person simply says "I lack control over my behavior, and I feel bad about it". On the other hand, if the person doesn't feel guilt, they should express "I am choosing to do this because I want to".
These phrases, and similar ones, take a wishy-washy position that expresses something like "I am a servant to my carnal desires, but at the same time want to fit within societal norms. Because I don't know your personal opinions on this matter, I will simply address the existence of my action and read your response in order to calculate my next statement to be in line with your expectations"
"this is a filthy/bad habit"
"I don't usually do this that much"
"I'll pay for this tomorrow"
"I don't do this like I used to"
Any of these phrases express a weakness of character. Not because of the persons "bad" action, but because they refuse to state any convictions.
Guilt is nothing wrong, if the person simply says "I lack control over my behavior, and I feel bad about it". On the other hand, if the person doesn't feel guilt, they should express "I am choosing to do this because I want to".
These phrases, and similar ones, take a wishy-washy position that expresses something like "I am a servant to my carnal desires, but at the same time want to fit within societal norms. Because I don't know your personal opinions on this matter, I will simply address the existence of my action and read your response in order to calculate my next statement to be in line with your expectations"
southern shit
I moved to winston-salem, north carolina from baltimore, maryland on september 3rd. Since then, my eyes have been peeled for "culture shock" moments. I was surprised(or maybe not that surprised) by how few of them there have been. My daily life is remarkably(or maybe not that remarkably) similar to daily life before.
That said, It's not as if I haven't noticed any difference. 1 in about 8 homes with visible residents appear to be what any xenophobic yankee would guess. One close to me, in particular, usually has 4-8 people on their porch. About half of them are shirtless(with seemingly more "sag" in their skin than is typical), and most of them stare at me/us while I/we are close to their home.
Another incident of note was when me and my roommate returned home from a trip to maryland to get some things and there was a note on our door that informed us our power had been shut off. That's nothing unique, except that when we called our landlord to inform him of the discrepancy he immediately promised to come over and fix it.
When he showed up, he was shirtless, and he informed us that he knows how to steal power. He then took a screwdriver to the side of our house and in no time had our lights and appliances running. While he was doing so, our neighbor, who was also shirtless, came out to talk. The conversation, all about how the power company sucked, went on for about a half hour with no one recognizing anthing bizzare going on.
That said, It's not as if I haven't noticed any difference. 1 in about 8 homes with visible residents appear to be what any xenophobic yankee would guess. One close to me, in particular, usually has 4-8 people on their porch. About half of them are shirtless(with seemingly more "sag" in their skin than is typical), and most of them stare at me/us while I/we are close to their home.
Another incident of note was when me and my roommate returned home from a trip to maryland to get some things and there was a note on our door that informed us our power had been shut off. That's nothing unique, except that when we called our landlord to inform him of the discrepancy he immediately promised to come over and fix it.
When he showed up, he was shirtless, and he informed us that he knows how to steal power. He then took a screwdriver to the side of our house and in no time had our lights and appliances running. While he was doing so, our neighbor, who was also shirtless, came out to talk. The conversation, all about how the power company sucked, went on for about a half hour with no one recognizing anthing bizzare going on.
still Cobe S and no one less
if you're a musician, you make music without any collaboration.
if you're a writer, you write while your extroverted roommate interrupts you every half hour.
if you're a thinker, you connect thoughts after 8 shots of rutgut rum.
if you're a lover, you make love while you want to make music, write and think.
if you rise each day to do it again, you're-
still Cobe S and no one less.
if you're a writer, you write while your extroverted roommate interrupts you every half hour.
if you're a thinker, you connect thoughts after 8 shots of rutgut rum.
if you're a lover, you make love while you want to make music, write and think.
if you rise each day to do it again, you're-
still Cobe S and no one less.
fireworks
Love, or more generally, interpersonal relationships, are pretty damn simple. There is attraction; which is contributed to by completely uncontrollable factors like pheromones, childish aesthetic preference, and who-the-fuck-knows. That initial attraction is acted upon, and is then counterbalanced by judgment of the person's character, evaluation of compatibility, and external factors. Trouble comes when people don't consider both components.
A believer in one side of this constantly flipping coin would believe that attraction is all that matters; that we can "feel" or otherwise sense who we are meant to be with. This person would be at fault because initial attraction is a thing with no particular purpose or meaning. What one feels is only akin to lighting the fuse. If the flame burns out, a person is better off accepting it was a dud than screaming "IGNITE!" at it.
On the reverse, human beings are animals. We're not robots, no matter how much some of us(Cobe Soldo) wish we could be. Finding people who have great character, and are compatible with our peronality, is unusually easy. We call them friends. Finding friends who are our preferred gender and trying to forge a relationship would be like staring at a bottle rocket forever expecting it to launch.
A believer in one side of this constantly flipping coin would believe that attraction is all that matters; that we can "feel" or otherwise sense who we are meant to be with. This person would be at fault because initial attraction is a thing with no particular purpose or meaning. What one feels is only akin to lighting the fuse. If the flame burns out, a person is better off accepting it was a dud than screaming "IGNITE!" at it.
On the reverse, human beings are animals. We're not robots, no matter how much some of us(Cobe Soldo) wish we could be. Finding people who have great character, and are compatible with our peronality, is unusually easy. We call them friends. Finding friends who are our preferred gender and trying to forge a relationship would be like staring at a bottle rocket forever expecting it to launch.
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