mean guys finish first

I’d like to think that I’m writing with some insider knowledge, as it hasn’t been uncommon throughout my life to hear myself described as “mean” or “an asshole”. I never went out of my way to disagree with such statements, only their purpose.

What is the difference between being nice and being mean? On the surface level, it only describes a manner of speech and presentation. If I say “please” and “thank you”, I am nice. If I say “gimme that” and “about time!”, I am mean. But these distinctions are entirely superficial. The only content in these phrases, respectively, is “I desire that” and “my desire is fulfilled”.

What’s far more important is a persons actual intentions and effect. Regardless of how they choose to speak and present, an individual could have nice, or mean, intentions. There are individuals who have been known to present themselves as nice, caring, and worthy of sympathy; but really have intentions to harm and bring pain to others(http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Ted_bundy). On the other side, there are individuals who have been known to present themselves as mean, cold, and worthy of disdain; but really have intentions to help and bring betterment to others(http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Penn_Jillette). I call this “Cobe’s the ‘Jillette-Bundy’ spectrum”.

But it isn’t a spectrum as much as a map. Because there are individuals who are both nice in mannerisms and intention, or mean in mannerisms and intention. The former may sound great, but in actuality falls flat. Imagine said individual getting on a megaphone and shouting “We’re greatly concerned!”... doesn’t make the best chant. However, getting on the megaphone and yelling “Power to the people!” is a little more impressive. The latter, on the other hand, is dangerous. “Heil hitler!” on the megaphone might have sounded like a praise of hitler, but instead it rallied the complacency of people during a genocide. I call this “Cobe’s the ‘rule of megaphones’”.

The best application of nice and mean is to have nice intentions, but mean presentation. Mean presentation is required to catch the right audience. Right off the bat, it scares off the squares. Those who are concerned with surface-level mannerisms are lost sheep anyway. And afterwards, anyone with one cell more than half a working brain would understand that your message, beyond it’s initial shock, is one of compassion and concern. Which is something we all need if we want anyone to hold and elevator or a door for us, literally and figuratively.

So fuck all of you, for your own good. Suck my dick, please.