The Maze

Instructions: Do not read ahead! Choose the course of action that you wish to take, and pick the outcome that occurs. Continue in this fashion until you find the way out.

(Start) You are depressed. You have 7 possible actions:

(1) Talk to a therapist or friend for reassurance
____A. The discussion, or continued discussion, does not help
________I. Exasperated, you take a different action
________II. You talk to a different therapist or friend, and are
__________back at (1)
____B. The discussion(s) provide(s) some relief
________I. In the course of the discussion it is suggested to take
_________another action, so you do
________II. You assume this relief is permanent
____________a- In time it wears away, and you are back at the
______________start
____________b- It lasts until outside influences lead you to the
______________start
________III. You assume this relief is temporary
____________a- You move to (1)A-II
____________b- You follow up with another action for more
______________lasting relief

(2) Take one or more drug(s), prescribed or not, for relief
____A. No relief is found in the particular drug
________I. You change the drug(s), and so are back at item (2).
________II. You change the dose or regimen
____________a- The change is ineffective and you return to (2)
____________b- The change is effective and you move to (2)B.
________III. Exasperated, you return to the start
____B. The drug(s) provide(s) some relief
________I. You assume this is permanent
____________a- In time, you feel that you don’t need it anymore
______________and cease intake
________________i. You do need it, and return to (2)
________________ii. Cessation has no ill effects, but outside
__________________influences lead you to the start
____________b- The effect wears off
________________i. You return to (2)A
________________ii. You return to the start
________II. You assume this is temporary
____________a- You move to (2)A-I
____________b- You follow up with another item for more lasting
______________relief

(3) Seek out a romantic relationship to feel loved
____A. You cannot find or attain one, and return to the start
____B. You find one
________I. No relief is felt
____________a- You take action (1) with this person as the
______________“friend”
____________b- You return to the start with or without this
______________relationship
________II. Some relief is felt
____________a- In time this fades. You return to the start with or
______________without the relationship
____________b- Your partner severs it. You return to (3) or the
______________start
____________c- The relationship has conflicts
_______________i. The conflicts are resolved and you are back at
________________(3)B-II.
_______________ii. Exasperated, you sever it and return to (3) or
_________________the start
_______________iii. Your partner severs it and you return to (3)
_________________or the start

(4) Exercise
____A. No relief is felt, and you are still at the start
____B. Some relief is felt
________I. You assume this is permanent
____________a- Eventually this fades and you return to the start
______________or (4)B-I-b-i
____________b- Because of scheduling or drive, you cannot
______________maintain the regimen
_______________i. You change the kind of exercise, and are again
________________at (4)
_______________ii. Exasperated, you return to the start
________II. You assume this is temporary
____________a- You follow up with another action for more
______________lasting relief
____________b- You move to (4)B-I-b-I

(5) Attempt to eliminate the reasons for your condition
____A. No reasons can be found, so you return to the start
____B. The reasons found can’t be eliminated, so you return to the
______start
____C. You eliminate the reasons
________I. No relief is achieved, and you are back at the start
________II. Some relief is achieved
____________a- You periodically return to the starting line when
______________the reasons reoccur
____________b- You seek more relief, and so follow with another
______________action.

(6) Ignore it in hopes that it will go away
____A. You can’t ignore it, and are back at the start
____B. This provides some relief
________I. Outside influences consistently remind you, putting
__________you back at the start
________II. You turn to another action for distraction in order to
__________continue ignoring it

(7) Attempt suicide
____A. You fail at your attempt
________I. You return to the start
________II. You keep trying until you are at (7)B
____B. You succeed at your attempt
________I. You have escaped! Congratulations, you’re dead.

(8) Sleep and hope to wake feeling better
____A. You cannot get to sleep
________I. Exasperated, you take a different action
________II. You move to (2) or (4) for the purpose of inducing
__________sleep
____B. When you wake, there is no relief, and you return to the
______start
____C. When you wake, there is some relief
________I. You assume this is permanent
____________a- In time, this fades and you are return to (8) or the
______________start
____________b- It lasts until (8)A unexpectedly occurs
____________c- It lasts until outside influences return you to the
______________start
________II. You assume this is temporary
____________a- You follow up with another action for more
______________lasting relief.

awkward ruckus

Addressing an “awkward silence” by saying “this is an awkward silence” has always driven me insane. Not for the typical reasons, which have been talked about plenty by others. Rather, because awkwardness is not my #1 enemy. For some people, anything that makes them feel awkward is to be remedied immediately. I’m not going say I don’t feel awkward. What I’m going to say is that I feel awkward all the time.

I feel awkward when I explain to people why I chose not to go to college. I feel awkward going into a hip hop club and rapping to a crowd of all blacks. I feel awkward when I tell someone I spend my free time making a show for youtube. I feel awkward so often, that i’ve learned that trying to fight it, keep it at bay or create a situation with no awkwardness would be supremely ungratifying.

Imagine a world with no awkwardness. Songs would all be 2 to 3 minutes and fade out. Singers would always be on key, and there would never be a disharmonious moment. There would be no arguments. Everyone would talk to each other on an even keel. All walls would be painted solid colors, and you’d never get static electricity shock from door knobs. Every psychological disorder would be properly diagnosed, and the correct dose of the correct medication would be prescribed, and taken exactly as often as needed. There would be no discomfort. Everyone would bathe regularly.

That’s not a world I want to live in. Awkwardness should be embraced. It should be bled dry for the feelings and thoughts that it brings. The more awkward situations you can put yourself in, the better and more interesting person you’ll be.

vegetarianism

I have been a vegetarian for the past 7 months. I don’t normally tell people; only when they directly ask me. This is in contrast to many vegetarians who wish to make it known that they are special at all times. The first question posed to a newly exposed vegetarian is “why?”. The answer is typically related to animal rights, politics, or health. While these are all reasons with their own bases, many of my reasons are not even related to those topics. Allow me to tell you some of them:

1)Quality of food. People are willing to eat really, really shitty meat. They seem less likely to eat moldy breads or rotten fruit. There is a huge range in the quality of meat; from frozen fish-sticks to freshly prepared salmon. On the other hand, oatmeal is -basically- always the same. Consider your personal tastes; the dish without meat is far more consistent.

2) Cost. It’s baffling to hear or see things like “I couldn’t afford to be vegetarian”. It may be true that if you compare the menu of ‘Billy’s fuckin’ meat deli’ to ‘The concerned world café and lounge” that the vegetarian place will be more expensive. Consider that there’s always a surcharge for pretentiousness. Shop at the grocery store. Buy enough to eat for the week with meat, and the next week do the same without meat. There is no possible way that the non-meat week is more expensive.

3) Excess. You can’t eat sausage and bacon for breakfast, cheeseburgers for lunch and fried chicken for dinner every day for too long. You have to calculate your hedonism. You can eat a lot of vegetarian food, breakfast lunch and dinner, and suffer no real discomfort and no health consequences. Now if you’re favorite vegetarian foods are ice cream, american cheese and maple syrup, you might be an exception. In that case you ought to die anyway.

4) Displacement. When you stop eating meat, you don’t just eat the same amounts of other foods. You eat more of them. As a result, you begin to eat a wider variety of foods, and eat more of them at a time. Those who think that a vegetarian diet is missing something(besides the obvious) severely lack imagination. Even if you ultimately choose to eat meat, I suggest trying vegetarianism just to have your eyes opened to the entire world of food. It’s good.

Those are some simple day-to-day reasons I am a vegetarian. Notice how for the most part I didn’t give you reasons not to eat meat, but reasons to be vegetarian, in a positive sense. You can eat a huge variety of high-quality cheap food in large amounts. Of course, it’s possible that you could do the same, with meat included. In my experience it’s far less likely. We all get trapped in the “every meal needs meat” mentality; and that’s what I’m quite glad to be without and couldn’t go back to.

Dear diary,

I have cried more in the past few months than I had in the 11 years before it. I have thought a lot about why that’s the case. In the past, purely physically, there were at least a couple of times a year that I would feel like I should cry. I felt like it would be the right thing to do, that somehow it would help the situation, or at least bring me relief. I still couldn’t. I didn’t try to hold tears back, they just wouldn’t come out. The only exception was a single drop while watching someone else cry, which is only the result of mirror-cells. In that sense, I think I’ve let myself go a little bit since then. I’m more responsive to the current moment.

To elaborate, my perspective has changed. I used to be able to hear a local news story about a case of physical abuse, read an international news story about the total death count in the Iraq war, and be told about a friend’s current bout of illness, and respond with; ‘well, that’s a freak occurrence’, ‘every war has a lot of people die’, and ‘we all get sick’. Now I respond with ‘what kind of pain must that victim be in?’, ‘that’s a huge amount of bereaved family members and friends’, and ‘he must be in a lot of discomfort’. There is nothing wrong with the former, or the latter, but there is a difference.

I don’t blame anyone for not comprehending or addressing the sheer human suffering that goes on every day. For one, it’s almost impossible, and for 2, it’s not fun. For some reason, I am really in tune with it recently. Instead of looking at things objectively, coldly; show sympathy everywhere, and to everyone. They all deserve it. After all, if you were abused, killed or sick, you’d think your own feelings, livelihood and comfort were worthy of regard. You might cry, but just like me, you’ll still be a “man”(at least as much as you ever were) and you might just come out a better person.

the dane train

I remember seeing Dane Cook in the early 00's on comedy central. I thought he was pretty damn funny, especially when compared to the quality of their normal half-hours. I considered him a good, young comedian who would probably get better. So I was very happy to see him gain a bit of a following. Before long, and before anyone could have imagined, he had the best selling comedy album in history.

After that, people stratified. It was no longer acceptable to say that Dane Cook is pretty funny, or you don’t much care for him. You had to either say he is a comedy god, or an overvalued piece of trash. These are still the only 2 groups, and they each have their own unique set of bullshit, like a religion.

The Dane Cook haters typically hate him because: he’s successful, he doesn’t do drugs or alcohol, he’s in a lot of movies and on TV, and he’s pretty. These reasons have no content, they are only cases of sour grapes, resentment, or simple jealousy.

The Dane Cook lovers typically love him because: he’s successful, he doesn’t do drugs or alcohol, he’s in a lot of movies and on TV, and he’s pretty. These reasons have no content, they are only cases of jumping on the bandwagon, apathy, or simply following.

There are plenty of good reasons to love, or hate, Dane Cook. So many good reasons that I won’t bother to get into them here. Consider that he is primarily a comedian and that’s what he should be judged on. Listen to or watch his work. You’d be hard pressed to say it’s the greatest comedy ever, and also hard pressed to say there’s nothing worthwhile in it. It’s baffling that he’s inspired so much extremism. He has always been, and always will be, a pretty good comedian. That’s it, and that’s enough.

writing like there's "no tomorrow" A

Today is the last day, so the purpose of this is nil. When I finish I could show it to someone else, and hope that they understand my point. It wouldn’t matter anyway. This, them and me are all going to vanish. All things considered, there was no purpose for anyone to communicate with anyone else, ever. If it was all going to end like this eventually, it wouldn’t matter if I wrote this a century ago and it was published and praised as a masterpiece. It wouldn’t matter if this was a revered religious text believed by half the world. This, them and me would all vanish, just the same. I don’t even know what I could say that would mean anything. Similarly, I didn’t know what I could say that would mean anything before this turn of events(or absence of the turn of events) either.

I’ll write to inform. Inform the aliens, the mass of energy, or the time-jumping mysterious goop that will inevitably survive this and come out able to read and comprehend english. I have to assume this will happen; because to imagine an actual end, or a void devoid of consciousness, is outside of my purview. I would define a feeling, and what an agent feels as their take on a certain reality, that’s not by nature tied to logic. With all things ending in only a matter of hours, I feel ripped off. I feel like I was promised more than this. I don’t believe in destiny, fate or a god, so really I know that I wasn’t promised anything. I still feel like I deserved more than this. Again, since I didn’t earn my existence, I know I didn’t deserve anything. When I reconsider carefully, the universe was ripped off. I was let loose on it, it didn’t consent to my existence. Afterwards, I ran around wherever I pleased and sucked pleasure out of it like a leech sucks blood out of a boy scout on a camping trip.

Not that I feel guilty; far from it. I feel angry. Angry that I didn’t absorb more happiness and sheer pleasure before. Pragmatically speaking, I should be outside breaking things and making love. Impending doom has a way of mixing things up, so I’m writing instead. Now, with all things ending in only a matter of hours, I feel gratitude. I didn’t earn or deserve my life, so by getting anything at all, I got more than I never asked for. I wish I could tell that through an intercom to the whole world. In particular the ones yelling at the sky to reconsider, and the one’s in total denial of the end. Clearly, I can’t. If I wrote this 10 years ago, maybe it would have made all of the conscious life on this planet that can understand complicated language, called humanity, nice and relaxed at this abrupt end. It’s too late, just like it was a few paragraphs ago.

I can’t stay angry at the universe for ending any more than I can stay angry at a person for their suicide. Actually, because the universe is incapable of decision, I can’t stay angry at it any more than I can stay angry at a tree for getting chopped down. Actually, because no one is responsible for this turn of events(or the absence of the turn of events), I can’t stay angry at it any more than I can stay angry at a person for getting killed by lightning. Instead of anger I feel a little bit of sympathy for it, and a lot more tranquility. Tranquility that, like all things past and present, I don’t deserve.

See you later suckers! I’m gonna dissapear! I love you, and fuck you all!

writing like there's "no tomorrow" B

AHHHHHHHH! I WANT TO LIVE! I DON’T WANT TO DIE! SAVE ME! MY ADDRESS IS 1(8 FRANKLIN STREET, GREENFIELD MASSACHEWTSES. I AM A CARBON BASED LIFEFFORM AND I BREATH AIR. COME BACK AND GET ME! I’D DO THE SAME FOR YOU! IT”S THHe GOLDEN RULE! I’LL BE YOU”RE SLAVE! ANYTHING! THANKS, mY NAME IS FRANK AND MY CELL IS 766 %73 9483.

Down with homework!

All of the reasons for homework’s existence are bankrupt.

The initial reason given for it’s assignment is to force studying. The logic being that one will more thoroughly learn material if they review it at home a second time. People, even children, are capable of remembering what happened 24 hours ago. They don’t need to see the same exact lesson 3-10 hours later. If they do, because it’s challenging material, or due to their speed of learning, they can take it upon themselves. The opportunity to review at home should be offered, but it doesn’t need to be forced on everyone, who doesn’t necessarily(and doesn’t usually) need it.

A secondary reason is to teach good work habits. Homework isn’t good work, it’s busywork. It’s doing the same work twice. It would be like a business owner visiting his business in the middle of the night to re-count the inventory he already counted in the day. Work for it’s own sake, with no other benefit, is a waste. A related argument is that in the “real world” of work and responsibility, work will have to be done during off-time. Even if you think it’s schools job to represent the real world, which I don’t, this is senseless. Taking care of responsibilities is something a person will do because it’s for tangible needs. No one is going to forget to buy food or change their car’s oil because they weren’t trained by doing homework.

A more subtle reason for homework is to propagate the myth of upward mobility, and a simple recipe for success.

“If you do your homework more often, you could move up to honors”

“What’s honors?”

“Well, it will say honors next to your class, and you get to be on the honor roll”

“What else do I get?”

“A false sense of self-importance, and resentment from your peers”

“...”

It would be simple if humanity could be subjugated into distinct levels of worth and ability, but it can’t. There is some magical thinking in regards to this reason. The completion of homework becomes the non-existent “extra mile” that one needs to travel to rise above the rest. All this does is put a stick up the ass of those who believe and follow through with it, and spawn disharmony between them and other students. Successful people have been all very bad, mediocre, and very bad students. The completion of homework being a step towards superiority is clearly a myth and a waste of a student’s time.

Autobiography, part 01

I was born in a trailer park in Jessup, Maryland. I’m not sure how my parents ended up in this location, and in these circumstances. Our trailer was close to one of the largest prisons in Maryland. It is so large, and Jessup has so few other attractions, that the prison is simply called “Jessup” in the rest of the state. Our trailer park was close enough to the prison that one of my earliest memories was hearing a strange siren coming from the woods. When I asked someone what it was, they would say that someone had escaped from prison. Some parents would keep their kids inside because of this, mine didn’t. I still don’t know if it was the truth or not. As my consciousness started to become more linear, I was fully aware of my surroundings. I knew that most people didn’t live in trailers, I knew what popular culture had to say about people living in trailers, and I knew that I might be stuck in this lifestyle my whole life, because so many others were.

I don’t talk about this to glorify an “impoverished upbringing” or to tell any rags-to-riches story. I actually tell it for the opposite reason. My father wasn’t an abusive drunk or a deadbeat. He had the same job when we lived in a trailer park as he does now. Me, my brother, and my immediate family all had the shared belief that we shouldn’t be there. What’s interesting to note is that many of the other residents were the same way. People moved in, and out, and not all of them, not even a majority, were losers. Because I knew that not all people living in poverty are unsavory people, I too thought that not all people living in better conditions were great people. When I was 5, I attended kindergarten.

To be continued.

Asthmar

It is 7:09 AM on may 21^st, 2008. I am in the throws of an asthmatic episode.

It started with wheezing. I woke up from 4 hours of sleep, hearing various pitches, making a sort of song as I inhaled and exhaled. I began to obsess on this, and worry about the symptoms ahead. I began to feel as if someone was holding my neck, pressing their pointer finger and thumb into each side, which led to labored breathing. Labored breathing is exactly what it sounds like. It’s no longer an automatic thing, like a heart beating. Breathing is an action, similar to doing a sit-up. All of my attention was devoted to executing this action, because it had to be. Shortly thereafter, I had the sensation of my lungs being half as big; constricted. It’s as if my deepest breath could only reach a little further down than my collarbone.

I managed to consume enough air to keep me alive, but so little that I panicked. My entire body began to feel tired. Muscles, particularly the muscles in my back and forearms, laid totally relaxed, incapable; though I couldn’t get back to sleep. I tried to stretch in an attempt to reinvigorate them, but they felt no better and the effort compounded my general exhaustion. I started to become aware of all the aches and pains in my body; which appeared or reawoke only in the minutes prior.

As I type I am breathing manually, feeling as though I’m not getting enough air. My heart is racing. Various parts of my body ache or are uncomfortable, and I feel totally helpless. I consider that If my body decided that I shouldn’t inhale any air, instead of very little, I would die. I am angry. There is a feeling of absolute loneliness. Those who aren’t asthmatic have no idea how this feels, and can’t. Lovers, if witness to this, will do something clearly pointless, like get me water or pat me on the back. I’ve done it all. Coffee, water, antihistamines, decongestants, steroids, albuterol, “taking it easy”, breathing exercises, trying to distract myself. They all work temporarily to varying degrees, but the attacks never disappear. Even if one can be stopped or prevented, the day will come when this will happen again, and It’s probably tomorrow.

I am fully aware that there is no value in my whining; but I don’t know what else to do.

anarchism now

Drop the phrase “anarchism” into a conversation. The ignorant will shy away or otherwise remove themselves from the conversation, and the learned might talk with great sympathy for some anarchist movement hundreds of years ago. What’s unrealized and undiscussed is that there are current movements, wether their expressed purpose is anarchism or not, that are beneficial and relevant to the anarchist cause.

Drop the image of the peasants chanting while they tear down the castle wall. Not that it might not happen again, but historically it’s only served to make governments even stronger than before. A tenet of anarchist thought, which is arguably more important, and works in tandem with smashing the state is horizontal association. Horizontal association is when people, alone or in groups, make mutual exchanges of neccesary goods and services. No one involved in the exchange wields any more power than another, they are all on the same level; hence horizontal. Mutual benefit is derived. Horizontal association exists now, in ways that we often take for granted. Furniture with a “free” sign on it, potluck dinners, free stores, farmer co-ops and markets. These things have come to be because of a concern for efficiency, or community, or health; but they are all anarchist in nature.

Drop out of current society. Instead apply this “free” and communal ethos towards the organization of all things, and you have quick-and-dirty anarchism. It’s that simple. Take the case registers out of the salvage clothing store; Let people drop off and take what they need. Don’t have yard sales, have yard swaps. Give it away free, because you know you can get it across the street free. There is more than enough material, particularly in the U.S., That it would be a long time before anybody would need to produce new things. When they do, they would do it on equal terms. You may consider that all of this is also the model for many past anarchist societies, that failed. So what’s different this time around?

Dropping the energy monopoly. For once, it is considered possible and intelligent for a person, or household, to produce energy individually. Solar power, wind power, vehicles run on waste oil(try that horizontal association shit with the local restaurants). There is a certain investment for these technologies, a large one, once. There is no such thing as free energy, but these methods, coupled with concern for conservation; will end our complete-and-total dependence on the state, or corporations subsidized by the state for it. When we have our energy needs taken care of and food being produced locally; when we have common spaces and free exchange of necessities; when we trade our skills and services between ourselves freely; What need will there be for money? What need will there be for jobs? And ultimately, what need will there be for government? Money will disappear as well as needless wealth, and class distinctions. That’s the picture of anarchism now. It might not be as romantic as chanting “work or bread!”, it might involve a lot less random killings, but it’s far more likely. Encourage and propagate all of the things mentioned if you want to see it realized in our time.

13 cobeisms

Rule of 2:
Only the 2 most recent events are relevant. The current one, because it’s happening now; and the one before it, because it affects expectations.

No one cares:
No one is thinking about you or paying attention. They’re doing what you’re doing; obsessing about themselves.

Absorb resources:
When walking in a wood, break the branches, tap the syrup, eat the berries and leave no footprints.

Rule of ‘at least half’:
If you truly strive towards completing a goal, you will be at least half successful.

Reversal of niceties:
When conduct rules are senseless, or arbitrary, follow their opposite.

Rule of agreement:
When 2 fundamentally different sources agree on something; it is true.

Throw the first punch:
When something will inevitably happen, you are at an advantage to take the first action.

Aristotle has been dead for mad long:
Moderation isn’t key, it’s a waste. Excess or abstinence are the best choices.

Self awareness:
Self awareness will prolong pleasure.

No one loves you:
They don’t, and can’t, know your true character.

The hard truth:
It is always better to tell the truth, particularly when it causes distress.

Rule of “getting away with it”:
If you are undeserving of a certain pleasure, yet it is available to you, indulge in it thoroughly.

Reverse intervention:
If your life decisions are accompanied with love and support from others, they're probably bad choices. Thoroughly reconsider them.

cops and robbers

Jack is driving. He hears sirens, and sees lights flashing on top of a car behind him. He pulls to the side of the road. A cop with a gun gets out, walks to his car and tells him to get out of it. He does so. He is handcuffed, while his car is searched. In his car, the cop finds cannabis. Jack is then placed in the cop’s car, and driven to a room in which he is locked until the cops get $500. When this happens, they release Jack without giving him his cannabis back.

Jack is driving. He hears a honk, and sees a gun pointed at his car from behind. He pulls to the side of the road. A robber with a gun gets out, walks to his car and tells him to get out of it. He does so. Another robber holds him down, while his car is searched. In his car, the robber finds cannabis. Jack is then placed in the robber’s car, taken to the ATM, and forced to withdrawal the maximum amount from his bank account, which is $500. When this happens, they release Jack without giving him his cannabis back.

Tell me the difference. Sirens?

Dogs: horrid animals out to tear us apart.

Dogs are everywhere. Most of them are pets. The affection “between” a person and their pet is the lowest form there is. It isn’t based on any content, only their pleasant appearance or amusing antics. Whether pets give affection back to people is up to debate, but it’s not important. The pets don’t have a choice in the matter. On the other hand, affection between people is at least partly earned.

I know what your thinking. “I love my fuzzy wuzzy dog”. Maybe you do. But why? It’s a lame companion. It will never hold a good conversation with you, it can’t drive you around when you’ve been drinking all Monday morning, and you have to pick up it’s excrement. More importantly, there is likely a human being out there who needs, and deserves, your attention and affection more than your severely mutilated wolf.

That is why dogs are most common amongst single people and people who have settled down(given up). All you need to do to share affection with a dog is withhold it’s food and give it back on the condition that it does what you say. When you do that with humans, It’s called abuse.

Imagine a world without dogs. The single person would just be lonely. They’d either write a blog entry or go find somebody to love, but either outcome is a vast improvement on feeling affinity with a mammal that communicates by thrusting every muscle in it’s throat at once. The married and bored would have to do something to entertain themselves. Maybe they’d talk to each other, or, imagine this; pet each other! Remember when people did that? Maybe they’d pet other people. At least they’d be focusing on what matters: humanity.

It’s a baffling state of affairs when a family, because they are scared of humanity, purchases a dog to defend the house with money that could have gone to natural disaster relief. The dog eats food and consumes resources while humans starve and have nothing. Instead of taking care of one another, or friends, they take turns taking care of the dog. Human companionship and co-dependency has again been alienated. Orphan children remain unhelped. These priorities are skewed.

What they should be doing is buying $900 snakes and caseloads of Facundo Bacardi’s rum, like me.

Dear woman,

You are taking a lot of shit, believing a lot of bullshit, and allowing your life to be shitty.

First, you are familiar with the double-standard regarding promiscuity; a man who owns his sexual life is a “stud”, and a woman who does the same is a “whore”. You recognize that there shouldn’t be different standards, but instead of defending women’s freedom, you more typically argue that men are also whores. The only fault to be found in a persons sex life is wherein it is suppressed. Have exactly as much sex, with as many people as, and in any way that, you desire. You may have to occasionally defend or explain yourself. This is the small price you pay for not being ridiculous.

Second, in relationships, not all men are the same. They certainly aren’t all “pigs”, despite what a roomful of bitter jersey girls might tell you. Another fantastic bit of wisdom is: “women like men who are jerks”. If you couldn’t tell by the splitting headache you got while reading that, it’s nonsense. It’s only purpose is to take away your own personal responsibility. You’ve been with jerks, because you made bad choices.

Thirdly, stop hating women. You play for the same team. Don’t be jealous that another woman’s body has more, or less, of something than yours does. Women, like all great things, come in many shapes, sizes, colors, textures and levels of moisture. Contrary to -clearly senseless- popular belief, all variations of the aforementioned qualities are attractive to someone. Unless you’re me, you’ll occasionally have to deal with being in the same room with someone more attractive than you. Remember that there might be something you have to offer besides appearance. Maybe.

Finally, you are not 10. You can’t strong-arm innocence into every area of your life. It’s not funny or cute to refuse to solve problems, do math, or take charge of anything. Sometimes looking pretty isn’t enough. Actually, there is no time when looking pretty is enough. In fact, all of the previous obnoxious and counter-productive traits are retrograding to youth; when constructive thought was interrupted by the sound of the ice cream truck. Being afraid of sex because it’s icky, hating boys because of cooties(but kind of liking the one who hit you with the medicine ball), and being mad at Sue because she has a prettier bow in her hair than you do.

I’m not sure how these things have continued to be the gold standard for female behavior, but it ought to stop. You are a grown woman. Maybe you naturally possess these personality traits, and if so, enjoy your obsessiveness and general neurosis. More likely you are better than this, so be yourself.

the employed have something in common

The employing class counts on there being competition amongst the employed. If the poor fight each other they won’t fight the rich. This is most immediately shown in the competition for jobs. It’s common to witness projections of the amount of jobs created recently, but it is never intended that every human being be employed. If everyone had a job, there wouldn’t be any bottom feeders. It would be an economy of successful people all demanding raises at the same time. Someone always has to be losing; be fighting for a job, for capitalism to work.

An increasingly common, and less obvious, conflict between the employed is a struggle to be employed at a better job than another person. What is considered a good, or bad job, is only the agreement of popular entertainment, academia and general delusion. Our economy is decidedly tailored towards the consumer. As a result, most jobs are in the service industry. Despite this being the most common type of job, and one that everyone counts on, it is a “bad” job. Because it is considered a “bad” job, the wages remain low. The employing class therefore has a vested interest in continuing this image of a “bad” job.

Not that their white-collar brothers and sisters have it much better. They have a “good” job, where they get paid nominally more, but still far less than the profit created from their labor. They are also victims, only kept complacent by feeling superior to the employee that “serves” them. This “service”, by way of another part of the employed class, is only skin-deep. All of the aforementioned employees, wether they be employed to a chain grocery store, a local privately owned restaurant, or an advertisement firm, are all owned. They are human capital, entirely divorced from ownership of the products or results of their labor, and at the mercy of how the employing class chooses to compensate them.

The wages are different, I agree. I suggest you look deeper. The difference between 7K and 70K a year is absolutely nothing compared to 7K and 70K against the value of ownership. Whether it’s the local restauranteur making $400,000 at his restaurant without personal labor, or an insurance firm raking in billions for the C.E.O. who plays golf, the employee is robbed. The comparatively tiny variations between the living standards of blue collar and white collar worker needs to be ignored in lieu of the struggle against the employer. Work together. The struggle is not you against your boss, but you and your boss against the boss you’ll never see.

The Stream

The power of the stream is suppressed with obstacles of all kinds: heartbreaks, unfinished business, unexpected misfortune. Who could possibly flow with any kind of vigor? If one fails to move his stream, no one will visit or observe his work. It would be like visiting a bathtub. Totally still. So I push over and around the obstacles; or at least attempt to. The flow is not achieved at the obstacle but the time washing over it. This is where the diary entry fails. It attempts to flow when there is a dam up. Wait for the dam to fail or disappear and then push on. You will find the dam crushed into an enjoyable collection of cube shaped rocks. Babble over them and move onto the next obstacle. It isn’t insurmountable, just bigger. Every time it is bigger. Take discomfort in the mystery of when it is actually arriving, or rather when you are arriving at it. Keep pushing. If you go with the flow you will be trapped at one obstacle, presumably forever. This will go on and on and on, and you will not be thanked for your efforts. The only value in your life is the texture of the boulders and walls you pour over. Take note of them, so that no one reads them.

The Driver

He is driving. It seems more of his life he’s driving than not. His back is sore from sitting in the same seat for hours every day. There is a deep impression in his vinyl seat in which he sits. He is listening to the same CD that has been in his player for weeks. He knows every word and every note. It is now just like the engine humming. A background noise with no emotional consequence. The time before this routine was in motion is as hard to remember as first grade to him now. He thinks for a moment of turning into that jersey wall as fast as he can to see what will happen.

He’s seeing a lot out of his car. At least, in the shape of 1 trapezoid, 2 teardrops off to the side, and a rounded rectangle full of what he has faith is behind him. It is up to him wether he should observe from a safe bubble, or roll his window down and hear the ambiance outside. Even though it is getting warmer outside, he decides to stay in his bubble. Outside is like watching a television or going to a really boring movie. Reality is the entirety of what is a few feet in any direction of him: wrappers from food he got in a drive-thru, receipts from oil changes, old coffee cups. He thinks for a moment of turning into that light pole as fast as he can to see what will happen.

He catches himself driving. He doesn’t know exactly how this came to be. He knows that he talked to a friend on the phone, He remembers seeing him, and now the clock says 4:45. It’s night outside, so it’s very late. He figures he is going home. A brief moment of panic spills on him as he considers whether or not he’s missed his exit. He sees that he hasn’t. He considers that if he’s only just come out of his haze, he might have come out at dawn, 50 miles farther down the highway. In short order, he is home. He steps out of his car and feels 4 feet taller. He expels some phlegm and makes it to bed.

He is laying down. It seems more of life he’s laying down than not...

the end is nigh

If you haven’t noticed, people have a habit of embracing fatalistic word views, whether they make sense or not. It’s highly satisfying to think you are the last of the human race. You are then an apex, instead of a stepping stone. This tendency is the result of emotionalism, not logic.

The end is not nigh. It never was. The end is never coming. That is the true horror of life and the circumstance we live in. As a result of technology proving itself capable of jumping over just about any hurdle, we know that life will go on and on and on.

So what does an individual mean in this time? They are not the people on the lifeboats drifting from the titanic, they are any number of passengers of any number of cruise ships in any number of seas all over the world at any given time.

To make an impact, one doesn’t simply have to exist, they have to exist with fury. It’s a lot to take on. Instead of simply waiting for the aliens to blow us to smithereens, or global warming to roast us like turkeys, or god to slap his dick on your continent, you have to actually do something to be remembered.

amity

When a person needs to address a personal problem, elaborate a matter that’s on their mind, or learn rewarding conduct, they ought to turn to philosophy and psychology. Yet if that problem, matter, or conduct is love, they’re lost in the desert. These studies have a very small amount of contrived, and ultimately useless, material on the subject of love.

This is suspect, because in a persons life, love typically occupies a very large portion. Everyone has had at least one experience with love. The exceptions to this rule are minuscule. For most it is a reoccurring pursuit, or even a constant one. Why then, is so much attention paid to the individual human condition, when humans, by their very nature, implicate one another in their condition?

Maybe nothing of an objective nature can be produced because of this constant involvement. It’s near-impossible to write about love without projecting ones own experience onto it, wether it be heartbreak or adulation. As a result, any work on the subject of love reads like a personal diary entry. Philosophers and psychologists don’t want to face the hard truth that what they do is a stone’s throw from an elaborate diary. They are thinkers, for consciousness’s sake! Not common emo kids!

Speaking of the devil, the works of artists is the only place you’ll find a lot of material on the subject of love. Writing, music, visual art and film have plenty to say on the subject. Unfortunately, art is beholden to audience approval. As a result, only trite aphorisms and cliches make the cut. Considering all of the quirks and habits of humanity that philosophy and psychology have addressed, and on occasion even subdued, love is long overdue.