Screwy Reviewy: wheelchair

+++ NAMES HAVE BEEN CHANGED TO PROTECT THE GUILTY FROM BEING CONSIDERED AS SUSPECTS+++

Last night started innocently enough. After doing one chore, I headed to the liquor store to purchase some acceptable beers and some horrible liquor. A night of drinking lay ahead, but I could not be sure of the circumstances therein.

Suddenly, my mate, Sebastian, called. He invited me over to enjoy liquor and beer and his company, all at the same time. I accepted his request, especially because he offered to pick me up, and I had already had 4 standard drinks.

After arriving, much talk about rap music and drinking beer seemed to be the tone of the night, with many examples presented on youtube and to my lips. Out of somewhere, my friend Sebastian received a text message inviting him to a party from my friend Allister. We did not immediately accept because neither I, Patrick, or my friend Sebastian, were "good to drive".

When our third friend Terrence arrived, we asked him if he would like to attend the aforementioned party. Indeed, he did. And so we did. After a long drive with much ballyhooing and mucking about, We arrived.

We arrived to meet the company of many old mates. Nigel, Alexander, and Graham to name a few. After several games of "who's got the most British-sounding name?" and "Pint Pong", several young ne'erdowell's were in attendance. After seating myself in a wheelchair, I discovered how fun handicapability could really be. I was a man obsessed.

I wanted the wheelchair. And I wanted it Awfully. After asking my mate Terrence to be my accomplice in theft and being politely refused, I turned to other methods. I tried to beg Alexander to let me have it. He referred me to Nigel, because he was the one who liberated the wheelchair in the first place. Nigel, after many pints, assured me he would not mind if it was to disappear. I had found the grail.

After wheeling the wheel chair to a less populated area, I hid it behind a tree and behind a sign. Not driving on this night or intending to, my plan was to come back at daybreak to retrieve it. Shortly after this, I experienced memory loss.

At daybreak, I was filled with low-intensity regret. Instead of retrieving the aforementioned wheelchair, I instead intended to return it to it's original thieves. And so I did. After drinking 2 energy tinctures, I felt confident enough to face the day.