I had recently quit my job because I didn't like it. It was about a year after high school and I had worked in landscaping of some sort(really any outdoor work) for about 3 years. I quit apropos of nothing, I just didn't want to do that for one more day.
Of course I had no better idea for a job that suits me, if I had I might have already tried to get it. Instead I was interested in other ways to make money that were not regular employment. The most interesting one, that required no practice or qualifications, was guinae pigging.
I checked the papers for medical trials, and most of them of course read something like "HAVE YOU TAKEN CRACK COCAINE? ARE YOU A HABITUAL CRACK-COCAINE SMOKER?". I hadn't used any recreational drugs except no-doz pills(while playing cards, a fairly unpleasant experience), but it occured to me that I could act as a control in whatever research they were doing.
Assuming drugs would be involved, I also assumed that they would be likely equal in side-effect potential to the illicit drug that was the subject of the study. So I opted for the alcohol one.
I left a message on the automated number they gave, explaining that I haven't had one drop of ethanol and don't use any illegal drugs, so I could be a control. To my surprise, They said they'd pay me just to be evaluated, which would include a urine sample, a physical and a psychological evaluation. The pay wasn't much, about enough to cover the expense of traveling to and from the place, with the promise of quite alot of money(If I remember right it was about $1000) if I was accepted and completed the trial.
Not having a car, I rode my bike to the light-rail station, rode that to lexington market, and walked about 2 blocks to the only existing subway line in baltimore. I took the subway to johns hopkins hospital, and checked in.
The urine sample and physical were understandable and what I expected. The psychological evaluation caught me off guard. At first it was about how much I drank and when, to which I answered nothing and never. After that it was a written test that seemed pretty standard, probing into whether I was obviously depressed or divergent from normal psychology in any obvious way.
I thought that was it, but instead; the female doctor returned and said she had "some questions" for me. She then pulled an enormous packet of paper out, one of those big cocksuckers you'd have to use a mega-stapler to bind. I said ok.
I had the impression my experience was unusual right away. All the questions involved anti-social behavior, in particular regarding the law. My guess is the first test tipped them off to some personality "disorder" I may or may not have.
Any way you may violate a person or property, there was a question about it. "Have you ever set something on fire?", "Have you ever stolen from someone's house?", and they all had follow up questions. For the fire question, it was something like "A. for fun, B. to destroy it, or C. because you were pressured". I was beginning to feel uneasy, especially because the book was nowhere near done, and I don't like thinking about destruction and harm. The funny thing is, I had done most of them.
The questions of course grew in intensity. The female doctor even let me know at some point that she is not the police. "Have you ever forced intercourse on someone?" for example. A crop of questions like that, I was feeling like shit even having to remember that I hadn't done anything that terrible. Alot of these later questions asked if family members had done them. The only one of those that had a follow up is "Have any of your family members been arrested". My answer is yes. "More than once?" Yes. "Were they convicted?" No. They didn't ask the crime, which I thought was stupid. As if simply being arrested implies antisocial tendencies.
My uncle was arrested in Ohio, while hitchiking, with no I.D., $10 in his pocket, and no fixed address. The charge was "Vagrancy". Land of the free, right? He asked the arresting officer if being poor was a crime. This was of course when he was arrested. But my answer of "Yes" to the question implied that a family member has harmed other people, and that I could too, because nature trumps nurture in a hospital after all.
After all this, abruptly, it was over. Any introspective activity or therapy couldn't have left me in as much of a funk. For the first time in my life, I wanted a drink. I just felt malaise and uneasiness. Having to tell a stranger that I've stolen from a friends house, broken stuff for fun, beaten people up and been beaten up. I answered honestly because this is science, and I shouldn't mess with it. She said she'd "let me know" If I was accepted in a couple of week.
That was it. I left, ashamed of some of the things I've done in my life, but of course relieved I hadn't harshly "victimized" anyone. I was also a little less trusting of psychology. The test, though enough to make me upset, had very little depth. The follow up questions are a good idea, but couldn't do as good as an explanation. The "has a family member been arrested" question being a shining example. Whatever conclusions she could draw from my evaluation had to be a bit off. Also I could have just lied the whole time.
I was accepted, but by then didn't want to do it. It involved taking some drug(or maybe a placebo). I remember "meth" being in the name, but that could be anything from adderal to MDMA to poison. I probably could have done it, but my evaluation left a bad taste in my mouth.
This story is so memorable because I was blindsided by my first encounter with modern psychology. And I wasn't happy with that I experienced. Coupled with the fact that the questions dug up all the "bad shit" that had ever happened in my life, I feel like my personality was markedly different afterwards. Ultimately for the better, I think.
Before the test I was a bit more of a romantic optimist and thought I might be a genius or something. Afterwards I felt like every other piece of shit, and that I had to work really hard at my ambitions to achieve them. A lot more self-critical. That's the story!
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