Tattoos: Not that cool

Though it is possible for a decent human being to get a sharp looking tattoo, or tattoos, and move on to bigger and better things; there's more often some kind of obnoxious subtext in the whole act. Here is a definitive and complete list of tattoos, the people who have them, and the people in their lives.

A- The extremely visible, totally bad-ass, impossible to cover up unique design



This person is clearly trying to differentiate herself. Imagine her without her tattoo. She'd look like the average brunette, probably giving you the eye in a bar, who you could take home and have very average sex with. What she doesn't realize is that tattoos are so mainstream, that now she just looks like the average brunette with a neck tattoo. Call me simple, but all I think when I see a unique tattoo is "unique tattoo", then I move on...

B- some tiny tattoo(s) of a heart, chinese lettering, a star, a butterfly, or something equally "cute" on the neck, back, small of back, belly button or ankle



Worn by men and women alike nowadays, having tattoos like these is similar to wearing earrings or coloring/styling your hair. It's decoration. There's nothing wrong with that. There is however, something wrong with thinking you're doing something outside the box, which unfortunately, many just-turned-18-year-olds think. "Mom and dad think I'll regret it, but I know I want a pistol on my left titty till the day I die!". Totally fine if you do, but no one cares.

C- really intense and ornate back/chest pieces



"Oh, sweet bro! What's that, like a goblin, or a dragon or some shit? and a staff and like an epic warrior horse?" Not that all of them have to look like this. It could be a back piece of all shit that I like, but I have the same questions. "how long did that take? didn't you have something better to do?", "How much did that cost? Didn't you have something else you could spend it on?", "How much did that hurt? Wouldn't you rather have been jerking off or something?". The answers to these questions are 'A long time, no; A lot of money, no; a shit ton, no, I prefer pain" respectively. It's a matter of priorities- people who have these are typically some combination of masochist, spend thrift, and image obsessed. None of which I can appreciate(except maybe masochist).

D- solid black letters, expressing an inspirational or nihilistic message in some language the subject doesn't speak, or stylized english letters.



In latin this means "Blow me". This is my favorite kind of tattoo, and the only one I've even considered getting myself, but there's tons of ways it can go wrong. Firstly, if you're working in another language, or you're illiterate in your own, make sure it's correct...



Second, make sure it's a phrase or thought that's worth a damn...



Yuck. And third, put it somewhere where it can be hidden(if it's in english). Why? Not out of shame or guilt or anything, but just common sense. Don't air out your dirty laundry in public, even if you think it smells like candy apples. I'd love to have "Get drunk Stay drunk" tattooed across my adam's apple, but I know it would arouse suspicion when I'm drunk in the public. Just the same, If you walk around with this...



It may arouse suspicion that you're a complete moron.

So, It's not an accomplishment, it doesn't add to your worth, it's just a hundreds-of-dollars pretty picture on your skin. There's nothing wrong with that, if you're trying to treat yourself to something nice; it has more permanence than almost anything else. But I don't have a tattoo for the same reason I don't roll on chrome rims or bathe regularly- it does nothing for my actual quality of life. Consider the same, unlike this guy.